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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Look into placing your MIL in a care home. I know many don't want to hear this, but it really is the best situation in such cases. My MIL lives with a relative, but that relative is a healthy RN and even with that needs help at times with MIL's care.
If you are wanting to continue taking care of them & not place them, do or could either qualify for hospice? My father wasn’t at end of life, but is in later stage dementia so qualified for hospice. It’s been exactly a year now. With many hospice companies, they allow a 5 day respite every month. They take care of the arrangements & it doesn’t cost anything. It’s usually at a local nursing home. Just another option to consider.
Start jumping through the hoops to get BOTH MIL and husband into a care facility.
There's not enough respite on this earth to save you in this situation. As they say on airplanes, put on your own oxygen mask first before you try to save others. If you're gone (and I mean sidelined by a stroke brought on by stress, or even death), who helps those two people?
Sometimes the best care we can provide for our loved ones is to find others to do it. Then we can become wife instead of caregiver, trusted confidant instead of the commando they hate because we make them bathe, and the bright spirit who visits with a bouquet of flowers, an amusing story, and a backrub that is much welcome. We do not have to throw ourselves on THEIR funeral pyre.
I'm sorry you're in this situation and hope you find a permanent way to lighten the burden that you're carrying.
The Eldercare Locator is a public service provided by the Administration on Aging that connects older adults, caregivers, and families to local resources and services across the United States. Phone: (800) 677-1116
Many facilities that have Memory Care of Assisted Living will do Respite. There are "hoops" to jump through. A doctor note saying they are in good health. A TB test would probably be needed and depending on where you live it might be a 2 stage test. A blood test would also be acceptable. If either or both are eligible for Hospice that is one of the benefits of Hospice. If either are diagnosed with any dementia there is a new program through Medicare that does provide a lot more services. The GUIDE program offers. Caregiver training, Resources and referrals Care services coordination Telehealth accessibility 24/7 access to specialty providers RESPITE CARE...$2500 per year towards in-home respite care, adult day program and 24/7 community care. Research the GUIDE program.
Sounds like you need more than respite, a new plan for MIL is needed if you hope to keep your own health and be any good as a caregiver for your husband. Find an alternative living arrangement for MIL and respite for husband. Contact your local senior social services agency for guidance on what’s available in your area
Dear Lord, you need to get that MIL placed ASAP and concentrate on your husband! I am 72 WAS caring for my wonderful husband until April of 2024. He has end stage FTD/Aphasia and is 77. His mother is 101 almost 102 living the life in a retirement community in perfect health! IF she were not, I’d have been on the phone with social workers nonstop until she was placed. My husband deserves the highest of care and is like a newborn baby. I go in and feed him every day. Just thinking of his mother makes my nerves go nuts! My parents died at 87 and handled their own issues in a great retirement community. You must be burned out! Get MIL in a facility! Those years with your husband can’t be replaced. Make the most of your time together now. MIL already lived a century.
I think though if I was in your shoes, I would place MIL. If your DH is 79 you are probably around the same age. I am 75 and DH 78 and if I had to care for him in anyway, I would not be caring for someone else too.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Just another option to consider.
There's not enough respite on this earth to save you in this situation. As they say on airplanes, put on your own oxygen mask first before you try to save others. If you're gone (and I mean sidelined by a stroke brought on by stress, or even death), who helps those two people?
Sometimes the best care we can provide for our loved ones is to find others to do it. Then we can become wife instead of caregiver, trusted confidant instead of the commando they hate because we make them bathe, and the bright spirit who visits with a bouquet of flowers, an amusing story, and a backrub that is much welcome. We do not have to throw ourselves on THEIR funeral pyre.
I'm sorry you're in this situation and hope you find a permanent way to lighten the burden that you're carrying.
Phone: (800) 677-1116
They can point you in the right direction.
If either or both are eligible for Hospice that is one of the benefits of Hospice.
If either are diagnosed with any dementia there is a new program through Medicare that does provide a lot more services.
The GUIDE program offers.
Caregiver training,
Resources and referrals
Care services coordination
Telehealth accessibility
24/7 access to specialty providers
RESPITE CARE...$2500 per year towards in-home respite care, adult day program and 24/7 community care.
Research the GUIDE program.
You must be burned out! Get MIL in a facility! Those years with your husband can’t be replaced. Make the most of your time together now. MIL already lived a century.
I think though if I was in your shoes, I would place MIL. If your DH is 79 you are probably around the same age. I am 75 and DH 78 and if I had to care for him in anyway, I would not be caring for someone else too.