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Or tell them Mom is fine here at home with me? We are both healthy. They all want her in a nursing home but we have Home Health nurses coming by regularly and her blood pressure and edema have improved greatly lately. She loves living in her own home and I don't mind living with her. She is 91 but in good health. I give her medicines every night and take her to all of her doctor appointments. The siblings I think want her in a home so they won't have to worry about her, but she totally does not want that and loves being in her own home. She thinks it a great waste of money to go to a home. I think the siblings resent me for all the reasons siblings so that sort of thing.

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Thank you, no I had not thought of a medical Advance Directive. I have POA and live with my Mom, but you are right - we should put her desires in writing. I will work on that.

I appreciate all the answers and input.
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Has mom completed an medical Advance Directive? The one my mom did, included a good set of quesrions where she described how she wanted to live, in her more senior years--not just her final days. Mom wrote she wanted to live at home as long as possible. And several other pertinent details. If your mom puts HER desires into writing, in a legally recognized instrument such as a Medical Advance Directive, and names you as her decision-makers (for when she cannot), and gives a copy to each sibling, there will be no more questions or intrusive conversations.
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IGNORE anyone who criticizes and vilifies you. Even if the criticism has some truth in it, it is not constructive given in the manner of being vilified. Ignore those people.
What does ignore involve for you?
Hoping it has some not reporting to them, not responding to phone or e-mail messages until they learn not to treat you in that way. You don't deserve it.
Makes caregiving even harder.
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It's going to be very difficult to ignore your sibs. They seem to have the silly idea that a NH is better suited to meeting Mom's needs, and will keep on hounding you about it because it helps them shirk their moral responsibility. Medically speaking, they might be right. But they are totally clueless about the psychological impact being dumped in such a place will have on your mother. It will break her spirit. Personally, I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt. I can't even begin to fathom that kind of cruelty.
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"Mom is happy here and I don't mind taking care of her. If the time ever comes to put her in a NH -- which I seriously doubt --, you'll be the first ones to know. ... By the way, how are you going to pay for it?"
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Yes, you should ignore them.
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I've run into this too, with my three sisters, who have done nothing to help but plenty to criticize. Two are full- time Moms and have little free time, which I totally get. One just doesn't want to bother or disrupt her life. If all is going well at this point and your mother's doctor is on board I would just continue as you are. Your Mom is lucky to have you and to be able to live in her own home. It sounds like your siblings carry some guilt for not contributing more as well.
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Do some research, find a nice nursing home, then ask the siblings to commit in writing to split the cost. Keep asking them every time they raise the issue. Be sweet, but persistent whenever they suggest a nursing home. Your answer can always be that you and/or your mother don't have the financial resources but would be excited to know that the sibs are supportive and plan to contribute.
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