If your Mom smokes, would you buy her cigarettes?

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My Mom is a smoker and that is totally up to her. I know she will not be able to quit, nor do I ask that she quit. However, she wants me to go to the store for her to purchase the cigs. I told her I will do this for her this one time but when the time comes around for her to get another carton, I will take her to the store and she can walk in. She has always made me get her cigarettes when I was younger and I vowed to not do that again. She can, albeit slower, walk into the store and get them herself. She should be running out quite quickly here, so let's see how this rolls. I do not want to argue with her at all, but if she wants them she can get them herself.

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Jeannie said a mouthful. If you can switch your mom to the new ecigarettes, that's ideal, and maybe if you won't get her anything else, it's worth a try. In the end, smoking is a powerful addiction and if she's not willing to get support to quit, she'll find a way. A substitute like the ecigarette may be your answer. If it doesn't work now while she can still get her own cigarettes, it may work later when she can't.

Not only do adult children of smokers have to make this decision., but children of elders with other addictions do, too. Alcohol and drugs are used widely by the elders we are caring for. A dilemma such as yours is being faced daily by countless caregivers. Please keep in touch on this forum and discuss it. You and others can keep brainstorming.
Carol
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Until recently I aways made my mom go inside the store & purchase them herself. I didn't want to live with the guilt of helping her kill herself. She doesn't drive and can't walk very far, so I would take her. She has cut down to only 2-3 cigarettes a day, but really it is too late. Her lungs are in bad shape. She does not want to quit the last little bit of control she has in her life. She also has alzheimers. She lives with my husband & me, and we hand her a cigarette & lighter and she goes outside on our porch to smoke. My husband & I are both non-smokers, but we do buy her cigarettes when she is out. Quiting at this point isn't going to improve her health. As long as it is not indoors. She has tried the ecigarettes but didn't use them for long.
I still wish she would quit, but she won't. I want her to be happy in her final time with us, and if 2-3 cigarettes a day is all it takes then so be it.
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If enforcing this principle makes you feel better, perhaps more in-charge, or like you are making a statement of beliefs, then go for it, at least as long as Mom can walk into the store under her own power. You are entitled to do some things for you own benefit ... lord knows you do tons of things for her benefit.

But really, the end result is that she is going to smoke. Does it matter who stood at the checkout counter? Not to me.

My Mom smokes. My sisters who did her shopping for her bought her cigarettes for years and years. Now the family has a better solution -- e-cigarettes. Mom now has dementia and the safety considerations of her handling matches, and the burn holes in her carpet and the chair sits in all day were scary. It took several days for her to get used to them but she is perfectly content with the new-fangled smokes.
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if your mom wants unhealthy food would you give it to her? life is a terminal condition is all im sayin.. your task is to make her safe, comfortable, and happy. if she gets to jonesing for nicotene she aint going to be very happy..
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If my mother smoked, I would buy her cigarettes. She doesn't smoke, but I do buy her a couple of other things that I know she shouldn't use so much (laxatives, sugar-free cookies that she eats too many of). Buying them is easier than the unhappiness and anger that would come from not buying them. My mother is a bit of a bully, so she can make life very unpleasant if she doesn't get her way. I choose my battles.
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This is a conditional situation. Addictions are addictions. Some are legal, some are annoying, some are a form of a less-dangerous self-medication. We cannot control another's addictions, only our own. When I find myself becoming dependent on something--like Little Debbie Peanut Butter Bars--God Help me--I stop buying them and drink more Chardonnay. Lol
I quit smoking over 25 years ago before I had my daughter, as I did not think it would be a good example for her. Besides, I sing so the two do not mix, although I remember it was great for keeping my weight down. Negative nutrition!
If your Mother is not interested in being healthy, and if it is one of her few indulgences, then I think she should participate in obtaining them. You know, the thrill of the hunt?
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I have such mixed emotions on this. Mom lived with me for over 8 years (I moved into her house after dad died) and she will be 88 in a few months, has smoked almost 70 years. She smoked in the kitchen or outside and I was constantly sick with bronchitis, etc... Last August she went to a nursing home after many falls. We didn't tell her there was a smoking room. Found out she smuggled cigarettes and a lighter in there and one of the aides told her about the room. She couldn't go there alone due to poor vision and not following the rules of asking for help when she needed to. They took her 2-3 times a day and I took her when I was there. It got to be a hassle, so we all decided on ecigarettes and it's the best thing we did for her. We slowly introduced them to her and she also smoked real ones. Now she doesn't smoke real ones, even when she goes outside with me where she can smoke. She can use the e-cigarettes in her room. There are several aides that know how to charge them. I buy liquid nicotine and they refill the cartridge things and I buy a very low strength of nicotine.

For her it's perfect, she has a cute pink purse she keeps them in, she can use them anytime she is nervous or anxious. She has a very nervous personality, she takes the cap off and takes two puffs and puts it away. She is using the same tiny bottle of fluid I bought in March, so I know she doesn't smoke much.

Her former doctor said she would never quit and let her smoke, but it's an issue getting her all the way up to the smoking room and she can't go when she wants. We are all very happy about this, I know she will never quit.

I feel for you, I used to buy mom's cigarettes, because she couldn't see to pay for them, she doesn't drive and walking/balance has been an issue for a few years.
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As with children, you choose your battles. While I empathize with the pain your mother's smoking caused you as a child (and continues to cause you as an adult), by sticking to your childhood vow, you may be cutting your nose to spite your face. If her nicotine deprivation is going to negatively impact you, then I'd just buy them.
In fact, I'd absolutely do a little 'tit for tat' with them. Is there any other battle you're waging with mom's behaviors? As a former smoker (21 years and counting) I can tell you cigarettes would be an effective bargaining chip.
Start with something like "Mom, you should know how much your smoking has always hurt me and how much it would pain me to actually buy the cigarettes that destroy your health. But, I am willing to do it for you because I know you don't want to give them up. All I ask is that you...."
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Absolutely not. My Mom smoked for 50 years and ended up with lung and brain cancer. Buying and or smoking cigs states you endorse cancer. Period.
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My mother stopped smoking when we had children. She never smoked around them. She began smoking again and says it calms her down. She is old, has no hip and can barely get around. She can only smoke outside in a designated area so there is no second-hand smoke for anyone. It makes her happy and nothing else in the world does. Don't judge based upon medical evidence. We all know the medical evidence. I buy her the cigarettes and she enjoys them.
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