Right now I'm trying to work with a lawyer to get my dad transitioned to Medicaid so we can afford to place him in skilled nursing. My mom is struggling emotionally from almost 50 years of an emotionally abusive marriage, and she's extremely fragile and incapable of any action. Both she and I signed the legal agreement (we're actually still collecting money from different family members to pay for it, but hopefully will be ready in two weeks.) As she grows increasingly suicidal and has stopped eating mostly... I find myself thinking what to do if she dies first.
Who do I even speak with? What happens? I assume Medicaid takes every last cent my dad has, including their house and cars, after first requiring my dad to private pay for the nursing home until he has nothing. What about non-financial stuff? Photo-albums, sentimental stuff, art that reminds me of my childhood, etc. Does Medicaid just sell it all? Do their kids keep anything? Who does one even talk with? Do I hire a life-is-over lawyer? What happens?
Mom and Dads assets first need to be split. His will be used to pay for his care. At least 3 months before the money is spent down, Medicaid needs to be applied for. Mom will be a Community spouse once Medicaid kicks in. She will remain in her home and be allowed a car. She will get enough or all of their monthly income to live on.
The house is an exempt asset. If Mom is still living when Dad passes, she will remain in the house but Medicaid will put a lien on the home that will need to be satisfied at the time of her death either by selling the house or someone pays the lien.
If Mom dies before Dad then their assets have to be used to spend down for his care. Once he spends down, then Medicaid can be apllied for again at least 3 months before needed. The house if sold has to be sold at Market Value.
Medicaid does not have anything to do with the house other then its an asset that can be sold for them to recover money spent for Dads care. Unless your parents have valuable paintings, valuable antiques or valuable jewelry they can recover their money from, they could care less about personal belongings. I cleaned out my Moms house over a period of time. My brother took what he wanted, I took what I wanted and the rest was trashed or given away. Medicaid never came and looked at the house. It was sold and the lien satisfied. Actually, because it didn't sell in the 4 yrs it was up for sale and during that time it deteriorated even more, I was going to shut all the utilities off and walk away. Medicaid would have just let it rot. Taxes were not being paid so it would eventually go to a Sheriffs sale. Normally, Family has to worry about cleaning out and selling it. Medicaid just puts a lien on the house hoping they will recover something.
So sorry for all that pressure and difficulties you are having with your parents.
My advice to you will be shortened due to time constraints, but is meant for your benefit in the most sincere way.
1) Don't assume. Because Medicaid will not impoverish one spouse to get care for the other spouse.
2) Don't panic. Because you need much more information to proceed in a beneficial way for both your parents.
3) Your Mom is suicidal and not eating. Call 911 and from the ER, have her admitted to a behavioral unit for observation and medication adjustments. This is a medical/psychiatric priority, maybe an emergency.
4) Your Dad requires skilled nursing? It is easier to get him admitted to a SNF from the hospital, and ordered by the doctor, Medicaid pending. What care is he receiving now, and where is he? Please rely more on the medical professionals who do this for a living.
5) Spend your parents money on that attorney that BarbBrooklyn has advised.
Keep asking questions. Stay with us here on this thread so caregivers can come alongside you and see the history of where you are at, and what you need as this crisis situation unfolds and you get help. imo. A lot depends upon how fast you can educate yourself and access professional advice on your case that is not specifically for you or available on this forum.
And, at anytime, you can enter a question into the search icon above in the navigation bar. Try: Will Medicaid take the home.
Keep coming back and update us please. Let us know how you are and how we can encourage you.
The lawyer should be dividing your parents' assets so that dad qualifies for Medicaid on his own. Medicaid will not take personal items.
Has mom been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist?