If my husband falls and injures himself while I am shopping, am I responsible ?

In the earliest days of my caregiving we had a hired helper for 3 hours one day a week, even though mom lived on a farm 20 - 30 minutes from the nearest town it is surprising how many chores could be crammed into that time frame. Later I routinely left my mother at home alone while I went for my morning walk/run, but I was never away for more than an hour and usually less than that, plus I knew she was having her nap and would not waken before lunch... if she had been more physically active it just wouldn't have been possible.

Wheelchair-bound ought not to mean housebound. Do you know any good, reliable, helpful cab firms who offer vehicles with disability access? If your husband's dementia is mild and his behaviour is therefore not too challenging or unmanageable, perhaps you could consider taking longer over the trips and/but taking him with you.

It is not realistic for anyone to watch someone 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Period. And if someone can't afford to hire a sitter then what exactly are they supposed to do? Life goes on and things need to get done outside the home.

Even if she had been home, her husband could have fallen while she was making him a sandwich OR while she was sitting on the toilet relieving herself OR while she was doing laundry OR getting the mail etc etc etc.

She could have fallen asleep on the sofa out of exhaustion and he could have fallen then. Maybe it's time you ask his doctor for a sedative so that he sleeps more, and you both can get some rest.

In my opinion, expectations of caregivers are getting ridiculous. Happy - you have my sympathy!

There might be another approach to the issues of responsibility and/or liability, a more legalese one.

I.e., were you aware that he was physically challenged and a fall risk, and that he needed 24/7 assistance?   Liability might turn on that. 

(I haven't done any legal research on this issue; this is just a supposition of how police or medical professionals might approach the issue, specifically, whether or not you were aware that a potentially dangerous situation existed and could occur.)   Knowledge of the possibility might be the foundation for determination of liability.

You already know that you are responsible for Dh's well-being. He is nearly helpless.

If it's not practical (or affordable?) for you to hire someone to stay with him when you want to leave the house, find ways to go out less often. Order everything online and have it delivered. When you have dental/medical appointments or when you simply must go out, hire someone to look after him, or place him in adult day care.

Look at it this way: When your son was small, did you leave him at home alone for two hours? ... for 10 minutes? Probably not. I didn't leave my relatively self-sufficient children alone until they were twelve-ish, and by that age they knew safety procedures and could get around and use the phone.

I am freaking out that you are leaving a wheelchair-bound person with mild dementia on his own! This is not an easy situation, and you have my sympathy, but you are in denial!

Investigate respite care (at a local facility) for the time when you need to help your son following his surgery.

Best of luck as you find ways to see that your Dh is safe and cared for in your absence.

I think 2 hrs alone is too long. Even early stages of Dementia a person really shouldn't be alone for long periods of time.

You may want to reevaluate your situation. If Money is no problem, maybe time to place DH in an AL. If money is a problem, maybe you can get Medicaid homecare.

Yes, as your husbands caretaker you are responsible. What if he set the house on fire and couldn't get out. What if a neighbor calls APS.

Call your local office of aging to see what resources are available to you.

Rocket makes a good point. What options have you explored since the first post?  Which have worked, and/or not proven to be satisfactory?

From reading others' posts, I think you have 2 major and potentially conflicting choices:

1.    Arrange for a higher level of monitoring and supportive home care care; or

2.    Consider an out of home placement, temporarily or permanently.
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1.    Getting a medical pendant so he's not w/o resources to call if he's down is the first step I'd take.    There are a lot of posts addressing this issue, with suggestions:

https://www.agingcare.com/search?term=medical+pendants

I found this service invaluable.

2,   a.   As has been suggested, arrange for care while you're gone.  You might consider (a)  home care through a company (be careful, though; there are some real jerks out there)   (b)  friendly visitors  (c) church people. 

     b.   Is he a Veteran?   I don't recall specifically my conversations of a few years ago but if I do recall correctly, the VA has  a friendly visitor program for Veterans.
 
      c.   Neighbors.
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As to your son's surgery, I certainly understand you would want to be with him before, during and afterwards.  This might be a chance for a "test run" of someone to stay with your husband.     

I am so sorry to say I don't think you can be there for your son AND your husband. Due to the mild dementia more than the falls, your husband must have you there. If you cannot take him WITH to care for son, or if son cannot come to YOU for the care, then the son needs to go into rehab.
The son can enlist friends, do whatever he must, come by you, and etc. It's crucial he inform doc he has no support to be with him. But truly, you are, to my mind, responsible if you take on more than you know is safe to handle, and your husband is injured. I am so sorry, but you cannot do it all.

Stitch, you asked the same question a couple of weeks ago, and got answers that a few of us were concerned that someone could call APS on you if you knowingly left him in a vulnerable situation. Have you investigated getting help in the house yet?
Q
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/am-i-legally-responsible-for-my-husband-who-is-wheelchair-bound-and-has-a-mild-dementia-452335.htm

You are in a terrible predicament both with your husband and financially. I cannot imagine your worry and frustration. Finding a sitter is so much easier said than done especially on a regular basis. It is terribly unfair to expect you to carry this burden by yourself. And the burden is not just the physical work of caregiving but the emotional toll it takes especially with someone who has dementia. Day care is a great idea. Can you afford it?

happy2stitch, any chance your hubby would consider wearing an emergency pendant?

I see by your profile, it is almost impossible to take hubby with you whenever you leave the house. Maybe it is time to rethink the situation and put hubby onto Medicaid [which is different than Medicare]. And with his numerous health issues think about a nursing home, which I know isn't everyone's first choice.

happy, please note that 40% of all family caregivers die leaving behind the love one they were caring. Then what? Oh, I hope you can find a good remedy.

Unfortunately, it does sound like he can no longer be left alone. It is not safe. So, you might need to plan your outings in such a way that you get more done and have a caregiver over for those periods when you're to do errands, etc. There are other options like adult day care that you can drop him off at for the day so you have time to do things. And, maybe even have a few moments, hopefully hours, all to yourself.

Good luck!

While his physical disabilities are concerning it is the mild dementia that is the biggest problem - the incident you gave shows that he can not be trusted to make the best choices when left on his own. All of us who have cared for someone with dementia in our homes reach this point, from now on you will need to arrange to have a sitter with him when you are away.