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My father-in-law has been living with my husband and I. He was recently diagnosed with a very large brain tumor. He was given the option of surgery and was given no promises that it would do him any good considering they would be removing most of the left lobe. So he refused the surgery seems the prognosis was so gloomy. He has progressivly gotten worse and is falling 2-3 times a day and isn't getting the proper nutrition due to his fear of falling more. I make sure he gets at least one good meal a day but some days he fumbles his way to bed before I even get off work. My husband and I both work full time jobs so niether one of can be home 24 hours a day and we are expecting our first child in a few weeks and after much debating we have reached the conclusion we can no longer give him the help he needs. He doesn't have a POA though and is very stubborn and has lost a great deal of his reasoning skills due to the swelling of the tumor. We are looking at placing him in a home or something similer so he can get the care hwe needs but without a POA we have to have his full consent right? Is there any way we can gain control of his medical care if we can prove he no longer knows whats best for himself?

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Hi, if he has been diagnosed terminal you should be able to get Hospice care. Medicare will cover this at home. In a nursing facility Medicare will cover hospice but not the room and board which can be very expensive. The nursing home also has to be Medicare approved. I am not sure what hospice provides other than pain managment but I would certainly check it out. There are also hospice care facilities in some areas (I have one in mine). They seem very nice. Good luck
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I APOKE WITH A LAWYER ABOUT A POA FOR MY MOM BUT WAS TOLD BY THE ATTY THAT DUE TO MY MOM'S ALZEHEIMER I HAD TO HAVE LEGAL GUARDIANSHIP SINCE SHE IS NO LONGER COHERENT AND ABLE TO MAKE DECISIONS FOR HERSELF. I WAS TOLD DUE TO THE FACT IF MOM SAYS YES TO ME TODAY AND TOMORROW DOESN'T REMEBER ANYTHING IT WON'T BE APPROPRIATE TO GET A POA.
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Here in the state of Fl. a DNR does not need an attorney. Check with your state. Call your local Council on Aging Dept. (check with your County Government for that), or call your local hospital. They have the forms, and here it must be signed and witnessed and then the doctor must also sign it. I did find out however, that it's a good idea to get a new DNR signed with EACH hospital stay, with EACH facility - however like I said here in FL. none of them had to be done by an attorney. Also talk with your local pastor - sometimes they can help guide you. And remember to take care of yourself - caring for someone can be very demanding and at times very stressful. Never neglect yourself or your other family members.
And congratulations on the arrival of the new little one. Good luck.
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I would first like to say you are good people with good intentions. This kind of attitude is the best foundation for this scenerio. You have a life about to enter the world and negativity and stress is never a good thing. So try to stay relaxed as much as you can. With that said... If he will not sign anything you have no way to control any healthcare or finances. If that remains the case, with a judges ruling of incompetance someone has to be leagally in control. As long as noone has leagal responsability of finances or healthcare and he is either unwilling or incapable of signing anything the government takes over.Just remember, do not sign anything as a responsable party, if you are not willing to pay. Hospice is available for relief of care, as others have posted, if its an end of life situation. If he is not eating well or at all due to his condition hospice should be availible. ,
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I agree with the other postings, he is at the end of his life and to send the poor guy away would be horrible, I cant imagine someone sending me away healthy!! I hope you can get in home care, spend his money!! If he doesnt have any, then he can get medicaid, either way, let him be with family, poor guy, life can really be horrible to us. Give him extra hugs, poor thing.
I think you should call a lawyer, you need a DNR, etc, for him and only a lawyer can do that and he can decide if your dad ok to sign. Best of luck. :(
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Hi Cindy~With all the medical laws, red tape, and HIPPA act, involved, I would speak with an eldercare attorney-or someone from elderly affairs in your area as which way to turn--The suggestions from this forum may also be of help or support to you-in choosing what direction to go from here.
Best in resolving these issues-
Hap
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I am not a advocating this...I only read about it. There is such a thing as applying for conservatorship through the adult protective services. It means you would go before a judge and declare him incompetent with regard to making medical decisions in his best interest.
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I agree with Lilliput above. Check with your dr. regarding hospice - seems like hes qualified. My 88 year old mom was in hospice for 4 days after she was rushed to ER for stomach pains. They determined she had a large hole in her colon & surgery had to be delayed for 12 hours due to her blood levels & heart rate, and dr. did not feel she would make it through surgery. Since she was put on heavy pain meds, I made the decision to make her comfortable and let God take it from there. I'm her "health care surrogate" - extremely important to have - also a "living will" you can get a standard copies from your local hospital or council on aging and have him sign it with witnesses. It allows you to make health care decisions for the person, to have discussions with drs. pertaining to patients care, meds, etc. A living will came into play when mom went into hospice and the decision had to be made to with hold food and/or liquids. She already made the decision to withhold them so it made it easy for me to deal with the question. Also good to have a POA and a durable POA - POA is used when person is mentally coherent - you can make financial and health decisions, durable POA becomes effective the second the person becomes incompetent - however IT MUST be signed by that person when they are mentally coherent. Check with your state but here in Fl. I was able to go on-line and actually took sections from various POA's and durable POA's - things that applied to my mother - basically made our own copy - and had it notarized when she signed it. In FL. you do not need an attorney to draw either up or sign it. I used both of them numerous times. I'm an only child so it was very easy to have mom put my name on everything - you may have a hard time if there are siblings involved - but work something out where someone can make the decisions. Good luck!
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You have asked a multi-faceted question.
First, you can care for anyone regardless of having a POA or not. You would not, however, be able to make medical decsions for your father...or give permission for treatment. Same goes for financial issues.
Second, if he is deemed not of sound mind, he cannot legally give his consent.
Have you considered in-home care for him before you send him off to a facility? It may buy him more time living at home with people he knows and who care about him. Regardless, he should not be left alone for long periods of time and he should be eating more than one meal a day.
Can you speak with his doctor for advice...or a social worker at your local hospital? They are great resources.
If your doctor has deemed that he is in the end stages of his life, hospice may be able to assist you.
I know that you both have a lot on your plates right now (we all do) but please consider alternatives before sending him to unfamiliar surroundings. No facility can take the place of family.
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