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If she needs to go to a nursing home, but she doesn’t want to, then who makes that decision for her? Myself the court, Council on Aging?

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Your profile says she is in IL now. If you move her into your home have a contract drawn up by a lawyer that clearly states how much rent she will pay and how much care you will provide. Include who will pay for additional care, who determines that it’s needed etc. Lastly state at what point you will no longer be able to care for her in your home.

Think long and hard about your plan. Consider both your personalities and how much time you spend away from the home each day, week, month etc. Set up a plan for respite care before she moves in.

And as the caregiver and home owner, you have final say in whether or not she can continue to live with you.
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Reply to Tothill
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Nash, does the Independent Living facility have an Assisted Living section? If yes, that would be the best for your Mom. The monthly rent is just a tad bit more. That way your Mom can still see the friends she made at Independent Living as it would be easy for them to visit. Usually some Staff will cross-train between the two units, so your Mom will still see some familiar faces. The on-site nurses will be the same. Plus the same chef probably does the menu for both sides.

Or when you say your Mom is in Independent Living that you meant Mom was still living in her own home?

I see from your profile that your Mom doesn't have any memory issues. Thus if she moves in with you, the parent/child dynamic will surface. Mom will once again be the parent, and you once again become the child. That can create difficult situations, such as Mom believe her way of doing things is the only way.

Please give this a lot of thought. Write down the pro and con for this situation. https://www.agingcare.com/articles/i-promised-my-parents-i-d-never-put-them-in-a-nursing-home-133904.htm and https://www.agingcare.com/articles/living-with-elderly-parents-do-you-regret-the-decision-133798.htm
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Reply to freqflyer
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If you haven't lived near Mom for a while, I would think twice about moving her in. There are stories on this forum about children who didn't see the decline in a parent until the parent moved in and then they found they can't care for them. Others, the one parent dies and they find that parent was compensating for the decline of the other. It didn't come to light until that parent died.

If Mom needs more care and has money than I would Op for an Assisted Living where she is. Taking her out of her element may not be good for her.

I would not care for someone unless I had a POA (financial and Medical) drawn up by a lawyer. You can have it immediate or when Mom can no longer make her own decisions. We do have members, though, who have taken a parent in and now want them out and the parent won't leave. Parent is in their right mind. POA does not work in this scenario.

If a parent can no longer make informed decisions, then the POA comes into effect. You then can place them where you feel is best.

The Courts and Council of Aging really don't get involved unless there is signs of abuse and no family or for some reason family doesn't want to be involved. This would have to be an extreme circumstance. Then the courts would appoint a Guardian.

Even if you don't move Mom in, someone needs POA to make decisions when Mom no longer can. As long as Mom is capable of making decisions, she cannot be forced to do anything she doesn't want to. That includes needing a NH and won't go.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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