My whole life it has been about owing her for having me and such guilt trips. Only through the posts I have read on here, have I been able to put a label on the problem as narcissistic. This is only getting worse with her dementia. I am an only child with a half-brother, who refuses to have anything to do with her anymore. And a half-sister, whom after 20 years of not speaking to us, has decided to talk to me again. After we started talking did my sis decided that she has left the burden on my shoulders much too long. I didn't blame her for living her life and getting away when she could, I would have been better off if I had taken her advice and done the same. However, I was 20 yrs younger than her & didn't believe the things she told me about my mom could be true. (That she was crazy and only cared about herself). Now I am not sure about my sis's motives and she lives 2000 miles away, but she talks to mom which does help. Last time mom didn't get her way when I took her shopping for 3 hrs in walmart and she wanted to go 2 more places, and I said I had to get home, she started cursing me. I told her that she always does this to me, nice while she is getting her way and then she turns on me. She then informed me that I hadn't seen anything yet!! All the way home she kept yelling at me and telling me to let her out of the van. She was cursing me and even started kicking me while I was driving her home. (This is not the first time she had been physical w me). However, much to my surprise she called my over-the-road truck driving husband, and said I had hit her and kicked her while driving her home from town! Also, that I had tried to force her out of the van and I was parked right on the edge of a cliff! Thank God my husband realizes how my mother tries to control me and he informed me he knew I wouldn't do those things. Unfortunately, I refused to be alone w her and she managed to take the local transit to her doctor's office. The doctor, of course is a mandatory reporter, and my loving mother told him the same horrible story that she told my husband! And of course, I was investigated and it was unfounded, but the damage she has done to me and my name never ends! I forgot to mention that she turned me in for financial abuse at the same time. Mom's doctor who will not admit on paper that there is anything wrong with her. Instead said, maybe the person investigating this could get the ball rolling towards getting some help for her. Why can't he...he is her physician?! And I have had conversations with him and wrote a letter to him explaining her behaviors, my concerns and asked for some guidance or help! All he said is that she should definitely not handle her own finances and that he knew I didn't do those things to my mom. He sees how I am with her when I bring her to doctor appts, but he had to report it. So, I once again gave her checkbook and bills back to her since she insisted that I was stealing from her and that she could take care of her finances. I told her if she gets everything messed up and is about to get electricity shut off for non-payment, etc. like she has done before, not to ask me to help. She informed me that would not be a problem, at least she would have money now. Nine months later she was begging me to take over her finances once again. She told me that she shouldn't be taking care of anything as messed up as her mind was and that I knew that. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't pay her bills for her, I knew her health wasn't good and she couldn't do it! So, being the good daughter I am, I reluctantly took over again with stipulations this time...no more accusing me of stealing, no more insisting I will not let her have any of her money and the first time she did this, I would be done! She agreed.....and now, she tells my husband that she doesn't have the 500.00 left over every month like she did when she pd her bills and doesn't know where her money is going. My husband tells her that I am only paying her bills with her money and that the money is in her account. She recently told him that I am the only one using that account and anything she needs, she pays for with cash. I can't help but feel she is setting me up for something! We can not get along and she called me a M*#$@r F*%#&r the other day when I confronted her about be untruthful. I will not put up w that and haven't been having anything to do with her. So, now she informed my husband that if I can't talk to her, then we will be enemies! Personally that is fine, I finally realize after years of physical/mental abuse, that she has done more damage by telling anybody that will listen, how I steal her money, abuse her, took her drivers license away so she can't see anyone or go anywhere, than my enemies have ever done! What can I do with my 85 yr old mother that blames every problem on me & makes me feel as if she hates me? Thanks for your time & sorry I rambled on.