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Who live in different states than us and have not bothered to years. He has 2 girls on in Florida that he talks to regularly and has asked her to come to Oklahoma to visit offered to pay the way for her but she is mad because he won't go see her sons kids in Missouri and she wants him to move to Florida. And she is jealous that he will only claim my daughter's daughter as his grandchild,because he picked her name and my daughter brings her to visit us. But her son has never even tried to see him or bring his kids to see him. The other daughter has nothing to do with him and has even put in her blog on the Internet that she only has her mother. She only brought her kids to visit once because s he wanted him to sign some papers to get her mother out of tax trouble and he said no . She hasn't spoken to him since and she live in Arkansas less than 4 hours away. His son is in Missouri and only came to see him 1 time trying to see what he could get and took a jeep. That he was supposed to pay for but never has. And his son came one time on a fishing expedition to find out what his grandfather was worth and if he could get his hands on it. This man is my world he is 72 has heart problems and diabetes and recently developed asthma. I am 49 and can't imagine life without him. There will not be a funeral as I am going to have him cremated and put in a biodegradable urn with a tree seed and planted it by our pond behind our ranch housebeside with a headstone. And I am going to prevent arrange my final wishes to have the same done with me. Which brings me to my next problem. When I go I do not want my children notified either as my son has called me mental and told me to go away and my daughter has let her husband cuss me out and they were living on my property for free for 7 years and had gotten it in code violations and I insisted they clean it up. After he cussed me I told HIM to move. I knew she would go to but I also told him to take his junk cars and school bus with him. They left it all so I had it hauled off. TO get my butt out of going to new mexico for court. Since then she has come to my house told my husband horrible things about me said hateful things to me and threw me on the floor on my back for my birthday a year ago recreating the 15 unilateral breaks I had . Then screamed at me for disrespecting her while I sat on the floor and tried to comfort her crying daughter. I see no need to contact either his or my adult children so they can come cry crocodile tears and make a big seen. If we were not worth coming to see while we could talk to them and enjoy them what is the point in coming to see us in a box. We do not intend to give any of them a penny . Our wills name an executor and exactly who get our estate and when .

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Jamie...

It is noticeable that in neither post have you mentioned what happened ten years ago when you and your husband got together.

I don't think it's that wild a guess that this marriage hurt two people - his children's mother, and your children's father - badly enough that your respective children are incandescently furious about it, and remain so.

You are now in the situation where you both have alienated your families; and you yourself are struggling with your beloved husband's failing health and older age.

So out of anger, resentment, defiance, fear - Heaven knows what else - you are now actively planning to isolate yourself completely at a time when you are likely to be laid low by grief.

Is that the best plan you can come up with?

If you don't want to relate the history, that's absolutely fine and totally your business of course. But for heaven's sake go and see a counsellor. This situation is not going to improve by itself, and it's not either going to improve if forum readers just offer you validation by saying "tut what evil greedy bad children, shame on them." That may be what you want to hear right now, but it will leave you in a horrible mess in the future.
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Jamie1967, while I an see why you definitely would not want to notify both sets of your kids of the death of your spouse (or you), and that you have every right to do that of course, I believe that it's only right to notify, only because it's the right thing to do, and it will prevent you from difficulties later on. It sounds like you already have your Wills and finances in place, so there are no questions there, but that doesn't mean they won't try to make things dificult, and if you at least notify them, its one less thing that they will have to complain about.

I'm n a simular boat, in that my husband's siblings are do nothing, no good losers, and haven't been to visit their own Dad who has lived with us for the past 13 years, and they both previously ripped him and their own Mother out of many thousands of dollars, but still, notify them we will, jut to put a period at the end of that relationship. End of, bye-bye! I still expect there to be difficulties from them, but it will do them no good, as all the I's are dotted, and the T's are crossed, legally. They will get their small (spelled TINY) inheritance from their Dad, as he has spelled out in his Will, if he should even have a penny when his life s over, but after that, its ADIOS!

Coming from an Awesome family, it's been very difficult to wrap my head around how dysfunctional a family can truly be, but now I am a believer! And So Sad to watch how these 2 have really hurt their Dad, and while he's definitely not the perfect father, he definitely did a lot for the both financially over the years. They have proven to me, to be vultures, and have both tried time and time again, to bend him over for even more money, but thankfully my husband has seen to it that his money is safe, and there for him to live on, as long as possible. So sad about dysfunctional families!
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Jamies, to answer your question in the title [didn't read much of the post as I saw it on another thread], yes out of common curiosity let your husband's children know that he had passed. Or if that is too uncomfortable, elect one child to call the others.
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Better make sure any inheritance/life insurance proceeds/accounts are all set up to go to you alone by your husband, and you do the same for him (although it seems likely he will predecease you, as he is so much older). Go to an attorney.

Such dysfunction on both sides of this family!
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Wow. What a dysfunctional family. Do as you please.
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