We bought a house before she was deemed with dementia. My bf of 12 years moved in with us to help me with her, caregiver also. APS said he has to pay 1 third of bills which he does as far as food power water and cable, but I pay all of house payments and him and my mom pay the rest of bills, and mom is well taking care of. All Dr bills paid and anything she needs. Handles, bedrails meds and food. They are accusing me of exploitation and did have abuse and neglect when someone called in. I have passed abuse and neglect from them, now they want me to show bank account to see mom's needs are met, which only exploration because my bf lives here, but we are family and I am POA over mom before she had dementia, and my bf helps with all bills except house, because I have paid all house payments. I am broke after I pay that so of course they both help me in some way. My 2bf and me pay moms car payment. We both are full time caregivers both disabled. I feel because we had our own lives before my mom got sick, we paid all our bills with our money together. But when moms husband died we had to get bigger house. Do u think I am exploiting my mom?

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I just need to add, my Mom's bank statement was the best record I had. I paid all her bills by check. All her bills were kept in a folder. As I paid them, I put the check #, date and my initials on each bill. Anything I needed to be reimbursed for was done once a month. I kept receipts for everything and put them in an envelope with the check# and date.

Do you share an acct with BF or Mom. You may want to use one acct for paying the bills only. Either writing checks or transferring money from the others.

For my nephew, I opened up a checking acct. Each month he texts me the total of his bills. I then transfer that amount from an annuity acct that I am payee for. I keep copies of the transfer with the amounts he gave me listed. If ever questioned, the person would see the tranfer going out and the transfer going in. Cut and dried. I am big on backing up everything I do. But, I did this as a living.

So, if record keeping is overwhelming for u, call ur office of aging and see if there is someone who can help you keep simple records. You may want to ask APS if they provide that kind of service. It will show you are trying.
Helpful Answer (1)

As Tothill says its what APS thinks.

I feel your are carrying more than ur fair share if ur paying the mortgage. Both of you disabled doesn't give much room in the wiggle area.

You will need to show the bank acct. It will show where her money goes. Hopefully, you can backup each deduction and show where BF is paying his share. Hopefully he has paid by check best receipt to have. Just sit down and get all the bills together. Show the total of the bills. Mortgage is probably the highest. U pay that. Take the rest split them in half. Then show where BF pays his half and Mom pays hers. If ur paying the majority of the monthly expenses, then I cannot see where APS cares. Mom is actually making out because she is paying less.

Why haven't u and BF married? Is it because it would screw up ur monthly incomes and benefits? Just curious, don't have to answer.
Helpful Answer (1)

It does not matter what we think, it matters what APS thinks,

My personal take on any living situation is that each adult living in the home pays their fair share of all the expenses. So three adults living in a house each pay 1/3 of all the expenses and keep good records of it.

If the mortgage is $900 per month, you each pay $300 towards it. Same with the rest of the bills. It does not matter that your boyfriend is not on the mortgage, he is living there and needs to contribute, otherwise your mother is subsidizing his accommodation.
Helpful Answer (3)
FloridaDD Jan 2020
I don't think the BF has to pay 1/3, but the mother should only have to pay 1/3.   If OP wants to pay for her BF, I don't see why that cannot be.
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