If anger is so common for Alzheimers/Dementia, why don't any other residents have outbursts?

About 3 weeks after my friends got into the memory care apartment I had found for them, the wife began resisting all personal care when she soiled herself. I was advised to take her to a geri-pscyh ward at a hospital to find an anti-psychotic drug that would calm her without doping her up. It took calls to 3 different hospitals before I found one with an opening. They knew just what to do to get her away from her husband and go upstairs to the ward. There, it took 3 1/2 weeks to find the right drug and dosage since the first drug didn't work well. After that, it was smooth sailing in terms of cooperation and mood, though her frontal temporal dementia was progressing rapidly as were her abilities to function. The geri-psych. doctor is the next best thing. I would think staff there would have a clue about whom to contact. This shouldn't be their 'first rodeo."

In my dad's AL, it was the same. Eventually, without us realizing he got doped like the rest and eventually settled down. The doping made him deteriorate so fast, that he could not stand upright or help himself anymore, in a very short space of time. Hindsight being the wonderful thing that it is, we would not have subjected him to it, had we known better. He passed just over a year ago and I have regretted this ever since.

I remember a widowed neighbor of my parents who was taking care of an elderly lady in her (the caretaker's) home for some extra money. While visiting this neighbor one day, I remarked how pleasant the lady always seemed. The neighbor said "Ooohhh, you have no idea what she's like when you aren't here!"

goodspirit
It takes time fir the negative memories to recede and the better ones to return. Don’t feed the negative thoughts. The time your dad spent in care was only a short part of his life. You did the best you could.

Kimiad, call Visting Physcian Association, just this month I found it very difficult to get my aunt out of the house because of size and dementia. For weeks I was trying to get palliative care in here, when on Monday I contacted visiting physician association they were here by Friday. I had prescription pills for her Edema the next day and hospice will be started Monday. Had I known over two years ago when I moved her in here that I could’ve had all her medical needs met in my home, I would’ve contacted them the day she moved in. I’m unsure if they’re in all states but you can look on the Internet and it will direct you to their services.
It’s far as dementia goes I have worked with several clients over the years and have seen medicine work for some people and no amount of meds and changes work for others it is a short season, most the time it’s been in the very end ( 6mts to year)that I’ve seen the most violent behavior.
When people talk about their parents being dragged into stupor also keep in mind it’s quite possible the dementia has them in a stupor the last 18 months of my mother-in-law‘s life she had no drugs but was in a stupor, I’m well aware of what she took as she lived in my home until she passed .

Agitation, as it is often referred to, is quite common and I would imagine that most dementia residents do exhibit that behavior at some point. However, I do suspect that if the patient has always had a short temper, quick to snap or curse, it might be some remnant of their true personality. My LO is an only child and she was always quick to snap when things did not go her way or to curse you out in a heartbeat if she wasn't happy. She remained that way with dementia, but, it is much better with her taking meds for anxiety like Cymbalta, supplemented with a couple of other meds on an as need basis.

And if he helps, some of that behavior may eventually phase out or maybe not. It's hard to say.

Kimiad, that is a good question. Can you say you are going to lunch, at least to get her in the car? I can get my Mom to go out, but I'm starting to worry she will refuse to go back to her Memory Care Home one of these days.

Sunnygirl, Mom has always been rather spunky and spoken her mind, while I'm the diplomat. It's been very hard to receive her short temper because it's never been aimed at me except for maybe a few times over the years. I remember when my daughter was born via C-section it took forever for the epidural to wear off, so they kept me in recovery close to 3 hours. She got angry that nobody was coming out to give her an update, and demanded to go home. My stepsister took her home, and the next day Mom called and tried to complain to me, and I cut her off (one of the few times I just stood my ground) and told her that I was busy recovering from surgery and had my hands full, was not able to make sure someone had given her an update.

So, yes, she's staying in character.