If a parent wants to die at home, when the time comes how does one handle illness?

Follow
Share

What if a parent becomes sick with vomiting, but doesn't want doctors or hospitals to be involved?

26

Answers

Show:
Does the person have a terminal illness? If so, they can go on Hospice in their home. People have a right to die like they want.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
toco8560 Oct 10, 2018
She does not actually have a terminal illness. She has type 2 diabetes, had her thyroid removed which she took meds for, and was taking a medicine for a mild heart issue. She stopped meds about 2 1/2 years ago, and felt better without them. She doesn't want to take meds. She used to be a nurse, so she knows what she needs. She just recently started vomiting and not wanting to eat. she ate some soup today, and she seemed better, then got sick again. This has been going on for about two weeks, off and on. We asked her today if we could take to to the ER to see whats wrong, she flatly said no. No doctors, no hospitals, no outside care. She just wants to die at home when its her time. This is very difficult to deal with, with her feeling so badly. She is 82 years old.
(0)
Report
I would promise her, cross my heart, that I would fiercely support her right to stay at home and refuse all unwanted treatment on condition that she allowed me to telephone for medical advice.

You could point out, too, that wanting to be allowed to die with dignity, not being poked with needles or forced into hospital, should not mean that she has to put up with vomiting and feeling terrible. Symptoms like this can be treated just as well at home.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Countrymouse
Report
toco8560 Oct 9, 2018
Thank you very much for this
(0)
Report
Hello toco. I can only imagine if One were to die due to old age and sickness there would be noting so comforting or beautiful than to die in Ones own bed at home with those Who She or He loves by their side. Consider it Your last gift to grant their final wish. Yes I agree with all of the Carers Who have answered Your question, get Hospice involved and invite them into Your home to Care for and to ensure Your Parent is granted a pain free and peaceful end to their very long and beautiful Life. I wish You and Your Parent so much peace.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Johnjoe
Report
toco8560 Oct 9, 2018
Thank you for the kind words.
(0)
Report
My mother felt the same, and I was with her at my home and then in her flat for the last four weeks until she died. Her GP was a moral support for me and no pressure for her to go back to hospital. We didn’t need many GP visits, it was well understood that she was dying. I made two or three phone calls for advice to the local equivalent of hospice - I didn't even know how to make the bed with her in it when I started! I found that people were kind and helpful once they were clear what was happening.

My mother’s cancer metastasised to her abdomen and she had frequent bowel movements but very little nausea – probably much the same level of cleaning up. It was very helpful to have the doctor for medications, particularly for morphine in the final stages which might otherwise have been quite painful. The local pharmacist was also helpful, with a home delivery service and fuss-free sympathy. There are no ‘wrong’ decisions unless they cause pain, so there is nothing to be afraid of in a home death, but I would suggest that you have a sensible GP who is prepared to home visit when needed. It also makes the death certificate straightforward if the doctor knows what is happening.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to MargaretMcKen
Report
toco8560 Oct 10, 2018
Thank you for sharing your loss and experience. I appreciate your candor and concern. God bless you.
(1)
Report
I would call hospice. They keep the patient comfortable. I don't know what I would have done without them. They had a nurse come in for my Mom, prescribed any meds she needed through a hospice doctor, and made sure she was comfortable, and they sent a couple of ladies that would bathe Mom and change sheets etc. a couple times a week. My Mom was completely bedridden so hospice was a Godsend for us. Things got easier once they came on board.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Katie22
Report
Mary9999 Oct 1, 2018
I agree 100%. Hospice was so incredibly helpful when my sister was dying of emphysema. I made the referral myself, as her caregiver, by just phoning them. They took care of the rest. The physicians in her life had to specify that there was no cure and that she was not going to get better, and then she needed to accept this. I also don't know what I would have done without them. I was her only caregiver and had no idea what to do. I'm so grateful to them, and to Medicare for paying for their services.
(2)
Report
I would really suggest that hospice be involved. And because of a totally different reason than what the others have posted - their points are very valid. My concern is that if someone dies at home, the police or EMS and the coroner will have to be involved in order for the body to be removed. Unless there exists hospice or palliative care on file with an already in place MD evaluation & orders, it will likely have to be looked at as suspicious circumstances for death.

If you benefit from the death in any way, could be a minefield for you.

You are not actually a family member, right? She’s a neighbor?
So where is this persons family in all this?
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to igloo572
Report
toco8560 Oct 9, 2018
This IS a person very close to me. She was doing well up until the last week. Her son is taking care, he even had to quit his job to do so, making it difficult for himself. He nursed her back from death basically (she was VERY bad off emotionally & physically) two and a half years ago. The daughter had left her to die basically. Nevertheless, she specifically does not want any help. We asked if we could take her to the ER today, she refused. What then?
(0)
Report
Something else Hospice is a godsend for, that I have not seen mentioned here: medicine. When my DH was dying, it was impossible to get the quantity of pain medicine he needed without Hospice involvement. It wasn’t massive doses - but it was more than commonly subscribed which made the pharmacy refuse to fill it. Once Hospice arrived, no more restrictions. The number one thing you want to do is keep the person pain free, as their final days count down. Best of luck, dear, and God Bless.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to BeckyT
Report
Mary9999 Oct 1, 2018
That is so true. When Hospice told me that it would probably be only a week or so until my sister died, they provided excellent painkiller(s) so she wouldn't suffer. She was pain free as her final days counted down. Well said, Becky T. I can't recommend Hospice services more highly.
(3)
Report
See 1 more reply
HOSPICE... make sure you get a nurse that you are compatible with, it makes that difficult journey, so much easier, than what l ever thought possible!💝 Hospice, Social Worker, and for me, God holding my hand.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Hope72
Report

Contact Hospice.
Once a person refuses treatment for a "life limiting condition" the person is probably Hospice eligible.
And do not call just 1 Hospice call a few and "interview" them. Just like you would research a new doctor for yourself, buy a car, or book a vacation package you need to compare what they have to offer. Look at reviews then make a decision. Many times people do not have the option to pick and choose but if you can do so.

Hospice can make keeping your loved one at home possible with the right equipment and supplies. Having a Nurse come in at least 1 time a week, a CNA a few times a week, and the availability of a Social Worker, Chaplain, other therapies as well as volunteers that can come in and help.
And the choice to go on Hospice is not a permanent one if they or you decide later that this was the wrong choice you can go off Hospice at any time. And you can go back on if you so desire.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Grandma1954
Report
robinr Oct 1, 2018
Exactly...sometimes agencies set up hospice care within their menu just to generate more business, and sometimes the best of places can be short-staffed on the day you need them most.  Good to check out and research as much as possible.  I have a friend whose husband is in a nursing home and getting hospice care, and unbeknownst to her until her visiting daughter said something, a social worker from the hospice agency had been not only making visits, but interjected herself into the daughters visit being very judgmental and telling her what to do, how often she needed to visit etc...
(0)
Report
The caregiver's needs matter too, and having to deal with distressing physical symptoms without any avenue to seek help or advice is a recipe for major anxiety and doubt. Tell your parent that although you respect their decision to die at home you can't do it all on your own.... reference that adage about putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others, if you burn out they will end up exactly where they don't want to be.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to cwillie
Report

See All Answers