cwheel, oh I went through that while caring of my parents. But I was still living under my own roof and my parents were still under their own. It still was a hassle as my parents thought I would be up and back to myself in a couple of days. Let's try 3 months!!
If you are hands-on, the only option is to have your Mom hire Agency caregivers. Your Mom probably would dig in her heels, and say she doesn't want strangers in the house. But this time she has no choice. You can't crawl out from recovery to help her.
I see from your profile that your Mom lives with you due to memory loss. Oh dear. You may have to bite the bullet and hire a caregiver for during the day from your own pocket. Someone who can take care of Mom and if time permits take care of you.
Thank you all for your suggestions, I might need shoulder surgery. Right now I am going through physical therapy and praying this will work instead of surgery.
Hospitals have social workers, and I've just learned that a surgeon can order a "consult" when recovery could be hampered by your need to take care of another. I have no idea what pre-surgery planning with a social worker might suggest, but it's something to explore . Also, I wonder if your Area Agency on Aging might have suggestions. It's so sad that people facing surgical challenges have to also take on the added responsibility for planning alternate care for their loved ones (and guessing or crystal-balling all LO's needs that might pop up -- emotional, financial, hands-on, legal etc.). At least a surgeon's social worker "consult" and Area Agency on Agency would be a start. Wish I knew of other resources. You are a very responsible person to ask this question. It seems like a huge hole in the systems we have.
no other family members can help ...well the PT will help even if you have to have surgery i had some done back in 2002 had to have glenoid fixed with 2 screws put in to hold it in together ..well you can sign her up for medicaid but she cannot have much money i think it is less than 2 thousand $$$$ they can give you a caregiver 4 hours a day so that can help if need be ..well good luck
Look into respite care at local senior communities (assisted living or memory care) and look into day programs at memory care facilities. Do you have a PACE program nearby? (PACE = Program of All-Inclusive Care for the Elderly) They may have some options, particularly during the day. Another way to help is to hire a geriatric care manager. This professional can figure it all out for you and get it done...but they can be expensive.
Check into respite care, if you end up having shoulder surgery you will not be up to taking care of anyone but yourself. My mom tried it a d ended up wrecking the surgery, so she had to have it redone.
Cwheel, I am SO grateful to you for asking this question as I am in the same situation. I know from trying to get my house in order to sell that I can barely clean a half-room before needing a day’s rest because of the pain I’m in. I need shoulder and hip surgery.
The dog can be boarded and the cats are fine with a daily visit or so, but hubby needs 24/7 Care as he is bedridden. I like the idea of speaking with the hospital social worker or surgeon to see what options are available, especially for a couple like us whose pockets are empty. I appreciate that advice!
I second the idea of calling your local Area Agency on Aging to see if they have ideas--they often have the best overall, unbiased knowledge of options and available services in your area. They may be able to direct you to private pay options. Depending on your state, there may also be some family caregiver resources, like a Family Caregiver Support Program or Respite Program that may be able to help with some of the expense for either in-home respite care or a respite stay in a facility. You'll want to plan ahead and get in contact with these programs ahead of time, as most programs will have a process they'll have to go through and may not be able to help on short notice. They might also have limited budgets they're working with, and may not be able to afford to help as much as you need. To find your local Area Agency on Aging, you can check with the Eldercare Locator online--it's a search engine run by the Administration on Aging where you can search for eldercare services in your area, by city/state or ZIP code.
When my mother-in-law faced this, she agreed to FIL going to a NH for a respite stay of 5 days. He was on Hospice, so it was paid for. She did not recover as quickly or as much as she hoped, so she agreed to another week or two at self-pay. During that time, I advocated for permanence in the NH, where MIL could plainly see that Dad was getting better care than she and the boys had been able to give him at home. She did not want to become destitute paying for the NH, so I gathered all the necessary documents to apply for Medicaid and made an appointment with an excellent attorney who specializes in Elder Law. Mom's surgery was end of May, she paid for June in the facility while the attorney got the Medicaid application in; and, as of July 1, Medicaid paid for all his care except for most of his Social Security. It took 2 or 3 months for the application to be approved, during which time I talked to the financial counselor at the NH, who also heard from the attorney. The NH billed us each month at full price. We paid each month the amount the attorney had estimated Medicaid wouldn't cover. Dad is still in the NH, well cared for, and even has been taken off Hospice--evidently he no longer meets their criteria.
Even before her surgery, hired care-givers in the home did not work out for them. They didn't want to pay for the minimum time agencies required, and Mom wouldn't let anyone who came to help do anything anyway, so the "friend who needs a job" tactic didn't work; because Mom just paid her to sit around while Mom tried to wait on her, too.
Sorry for the long story, but you asked what others did. This worked out for us.
My suggestion: Plan A where you get care at home (IF you will accept their help) or in a facility for the time you expect to be Out of commission. And do NOT go into this without Plan B, where you have the ducks in a row in case you are never able to resume his care.
I can only answer for myself as I was the out-of-state caregiver for my late mother. I needed hammer toe surgery, but I could not get it until I was back to my home state. I had to endure pain.
Thank you everyone for your suggestions, it is so helpful to have you all for backup. Physical therapy is going well so far. But he found I have a problem with my neck also. This sucks getting old. I retired to care for my mother now I am falling apart.
If you are hands-on, the only option is to have your Mom hire Agency caregivers. Your Mom probably would dig in her heels, and say she doesn't want strangers in the house. But this time she has no choice. You can't crawl out from recovery to help her.
I see from your profile that your Mom lives with you due to memory loss. Oh dear. You may have to bite the bullet and hire a caregiver for during the day from your own pocket. Someone who can take care of Mom and if time permits take care of you.
Good luck
I pray that PT is successful. Surgery sucks😲
The dog can be boarded and the cats are fine with a daily visit or so, but hubby needs 24/7 Care as he is bedridden. I like the idea of speaking with the hospital social worker or surgeon to see what options are available, especially for a couple like us whose pockets are empty. I appreciate that advice!
She did not recover as quickly or as much as she hoped, so she agreed to another week or two at self-pay.
During that time, I advocated for permanence in the NH, where MIL could plainly see that Dad was getting better care than she and the boys had been able to give him at home.
She did not want to become destitute paying for the NH, so I gathered all the necessary documents to apply for Medicaid and made an appointment with an excellent attorney who specializes in Elder Law.
Mom's surgery was end of May, she paid for June in the facility while the attorney got the Medicaid application in; and, as of July 1, Medicaid paid for all his care except for most of his Social Security.
It took 2 or 3 months for the application to be approved, during which time I talked to the financial counselor at the NH, who also heard from the attorney. The NH billed us each month at full price. We paid each month the amount the attorney had estimated Medicaid wouldn't cover.
Dad is still in the NH, well cared for, and even has been taken off Hospice--evidently he no longer meets their criteria.
Even before her surgery, hired care-givers in the home did not work out for them. They didn't want to pay for the minimum time agencies required, and Mom wouldn't let anyone who came to help do anything anyway, so the "friend who needs a job" tactic didn't work; because Mom just paid her to sit around while Mom tried to wait on her, too.
Sorry for the long story, but you asked what others did. This worked out for us.
My suggestion: Plan A where you get care at home (IF you will accept their help) or in a facility for the time you expect to be Out of commission.
And do NOT go into this without Plan B, where you have the ducks in a row in case you are never able to resume his care.