Any ideas on a solution to this problem?

Llamalover 47, a sense of humor is a requirement as well for caregiving. "What the h--- happened?" I've asked myself a lot these days. Yet with it all, mixed with sadness, I know. They say "like mother, like daughter." I believe it's true! Yes there are messes to be cleaned or something is ruined to be tossed. We really can't sweat the small or big stuff! God Bless

Blessings4Ever: Well, thank you. I am so glad to hear that you had the same kind of relationship with your mother. God bless you and your brother. Who knows--I might be that woman in the bed at some point in the future with my daughter bathing me and I'll be so appreciative. So goes the circle of life.

You are so right llamalover 47. It sounds like you had a lovely relationship with your mom. I was blessed as well. Nothing like helping our moms! Being a caregiver for my brother with ALZ I am assisting him 24/7 these days. Dynamics were never the best, his choice, but I was never one to abandon family, loved ones. Many ask me, "How do you do it?" It has become apparent to me that instincts take over, everything that needs to get done for him does. It takes a lot of time, encouragement, sometimes fibs these days but cleanliness is a top priority. Resistance in assisting him from day 1 has been a challenge. Due to his behavior, finding and keeping help has been difficult, but, I never stop looking because it can get exhausting, there's doom and gloom. If an aide is the "right fit" it's a smooth sale for him, a prayer answered for me. I know my brother went thru the "dignity" thing, I know I am not the person he wants helping him, but I am "it" a lot. I have cleaning his area down to a science and have made it a cozy and safe place. Due to this d--- disease don't know if it matters to him these days, but, it does to me. We do the best we can if we chose, it's not the right choice for everyone. God Bless Caregivers

We will, more than likely, all have to modify what home concessions we had in our younger years. I feel for this man, knowing that he doesn't want to lose his dignity. But I believe at some point dignity leaves the building and he may be glad for aid. I bathed my late Mother's entire body towards the end  and she said "thank you, dear." This response came from a very modest woman!

A couple suggestions--
#1 A higher toilet
#2 A bidet toilet
#3 A bedside commode

If your husband is not suffering from any memory impairment, Thank God, this is a "fixable concern." There are a lot of good suggestions, but, it really comes down to how far you want to go with this? Do you have a 2nd bathroom for yourself? If yes, great, let him have his own "man space." You also have to ask yourself if you are ok with "hands on," holding a urinal? Is he in need of Depends at this time, with no reluctance? Are you "on board" transitioning him to the Depends in lieu of "real underpants?" The Depends do help if the urgency comes on suddenly or if he is out, less embarrassment for all. If he is starting to have incontinence issues they get worse. The assistance he will need, the clean up work involved is a reality. A priority is keeping things easy for you and there is no need to apologize for caring about being concerned with cleanliness. I'm a caregiver and fanatical, not ashamed of either. Keep all your cleaning supplies handy and in a carry all; disposable gloves, paper towels, a swifter mop, a disinfectant cleaner, a deodorizer. Open windows. For safety concerns, a light clean up versus heavy, may be the better option. I am sure there are many caregivers faced with "yukky deeds," they may not want to put it out there. It is what it is! God Bless

There are urinals for me. They put their penis into it and pee. Dump the pee and wash it out. Job done.

If using a portable urinal, I'm not sure it's such a good idea to let it sit and not clean and empty it after each use.

Why can't ur husband sit? Hard to get back up? If so, use a commode over the toilet. The back bar can be taken off so it fits better. You could use the bucket but there is a splash guard that goes where the bucket would go. This way he has the arms of the commode to balance him. You can adjust the legs to make higher. When I worked, people like this idea.

There are plastic devices which men can use. They can pee into that "container" and then it can be dumped and washed. Check out the local drug store or go on line and look for medical supplies.

Get an urinal with a cap on top - only empty once or twice a day - this way you can monitor colour & volume of urine - some come with marking on side - if there is big colour change and/or amount then it could alert you to a further problem coming up at an earlier stage [like UTI] that would make handling it simpler - my dad uses one but doesn't write the amount down just eyeballs volume

It might be worthwhile to replace that carpet with even peel & stick tiles or yard goods like linoleum because that is probably starting to be a problem with smell - most places that you buy it at have installers - probably only 1 morning - best ones remove toilet to install - think about having a new flange installed at bottom that raises toilet about 4 to 6 inches at same time

I like the plastic matting with puppy pee pads on the top. I have help weekly and that really helps. I do light mop up but have the help Lysol and thoroughly clean bathroom every week. (Including my bath tub that has sometimes been pooped in). It is true, though, that when one problem is solved, another crops up. Now we are dealing with excessive drooling. Gets in my hair when I lean over to help pull up depends and clothing. For better or worse, in sickness and in health....

If he must stand and hold on to something for support, then you should cover the floor around the toilet with "chucks". They are like puppy pee pads, but thicker and more absorbent. Then just throw them away after they get pretty soiled. I buy mine on amazon from a company called north shore medical, or something like that. A package of 12 is like $14. I also use them in my upstairs hallway for my dog when she needs to go in the middle of the night, or won't go outside if it's raining. They ARE GREAT! They are called magicsorb air. (14 in a package for $12.95). They are underpads for my mom in her hospital bed, in case her diaper leaks, but are useful for other situation. Like if you have the grandkids over to bake cookies, line the kitchen floor with them! They are about 2' x3'.

I don't understand why sitting isn't an option. He must sit when he does the other, so why not when he urinates? This would cut down on the problem you're having. Have you also considered a portable urinal?

We went through this as well. The additon of a raised seat (the plastic easy on/off kind) and a grab bar made a huge difference IN the bathroom. He does also carry a urinal on his walker so if he can't make it to the bathroom in time he uses it. He also only wears depends now, no longer underwear. It took my Dad almost a year to get over his "male pride," but these options do help tremendously!

You could try placing a bucket on top of the toilet lid and he could pee into that which might reduce the spray. Otherwise a length of PVC pipe that could be attached to the toilet, a bucket or commode. It would have to be secure and slanted then he just pees in the end. Try a large funnel placed in a big plastic container. If it is standing on top of the toilet lid he would not have to hold something like a urinal. Also put plastic matting round the toilet to save the carpet or replace with vinyl tile.

Buy 2 urinals, so you can keep them clean easier. Once a day, rinse the urinal with warm soapy water.
Since your husband is used to having you accompany him to the bathroom, problem solved!
He holds onto the walker with BOTH hands, YOU hold the urinal in place with BOTH hands, one on his penis, the other hand holds the urinal. No spray no mess.

Get him a urinal---he can either stand up or keep sitting, put this penis right into the bottle & urinate. Then all you have to do is empty the bottle---no sprays, no constant cleaning.

I had purchased a set of "arm rests" that I attached to the toilet. This was like grab bars but when sitting you were able to sort of boos yourself up.
The toilets in the house are ADA height so these arms were about the height of a walker so it did make it easier for a while. You could try that.
If you do not have an ADA height toilet it might not work.
You could have full grab bars installed that go on either side of the toilet but depending on your husbands condition they may not be used long.
If it is just a mobility problem that might be a long term solution but if it is a form of Dementia then your "minor problem" will be "resolved" when the next decline comes and he can not manage the bathroom at all.

As for right now another thing you could try....
Go to a resale store get an inexpensive walker. NO wheels.
Place the walker over/around the toilet.
When he uses the toilet he can let go of one walker and grab the other.
I used this type of arrangement before I got the safety bar that attached to the toilet.

that is rough well i know this might be mean but if he had to clean up after his self maybe he will figure it out on his own what to do ..no matter if i am angry out of control even i always find the solution even while i am angry in a split second i got the solution ..well can he go in the basement ?? you might have a urinal installed in the basement if you have one or if lucky got a big enough bathroom install one there then he can hang on while going that way or have bars installed ..or how bout having someone install a kinda sling or something he can wear that would support him from the ceiling like those triangles on hospital beds but from the ceiling you can have 2x4 in the attic to hook up to support the weight over the joist i guess you call them ..then when you dont need it any more just take it down & cover with plaster & paint .. it could be a strap or anything that would hold so well good luck

If you can explain to him without him losing his dignity to let someone help him when he needs to urinate using a urinal, that may help. That's what we did when I worked in a nursing home over 50 years ago.

I dealt with this problem for many years, and we had a carpeted bathroom! You don't say why hubby cannot sit; if it's a matter of mobility or, as in my husband's case, a matter of "male pride". Unfortunately, when things like this start to happen, it requires concessions from both parties. Do some online research for toileting aids (usually called "Durable medical equipment") to see what may help your husband in his current situation. If he is not able to physically turn and sit on the toilet, perhaps a portable toilet bench you could place behind him might help. This could even be kept in the same room where he spends most of his time which would eliminate the walk to the bathroom and the urgency which could cause his lack of aim and control. Another option is having him stand, holding onto the walker and holding a urinal for him, which is what I did. My hubby also wears what my grandsons call "easy pants", like sweatpants, which don't require unbuttoning, belts and zippers. Good luck to you. I understand how you feel.

Dear ncarmac,

I know this is not easy. I was wondering if installing grab bars on either side of the toilet will help your husband with his balance instead of using his walker. My other suggestion is using a Depends product for men. Its more like an underwear style now so even if your husband can't make it to the toilet, there is backup in place.

What about adding an elevated toilet seat to reduce the distance and a toilet safety frame to hold rather than the walker?

Well, this is not minor for you and for him right now, is it? So I hope you get good answers from experienced people!

My husband sat down every time. Problem solved. Wouldn't your husband be able to learn how to avoid spraying?

At night my husband used a simple urinal bottle from the drug store. That avoids the poor aim problem.