Dad has severe aortic stenosis, atrial fib, non-operable parotid gland malignancy and vascular dementia. Two issues. One, I had a terrible confrontation with first hospice nurse who showed up without calling while my dad was upset with the two aides who did call and were offering him a shower. (He refused and was mad at me they were there, so I stepped outside) The nurse dismissed me as if I didn't matter, (I am his POA, she asked me NOTHING just took his vitals) I was very emotional trying to explain to her outside that my dad is delusional thinking for months now he has a young girlfriend, has no intention of dying as he has high hopes of this imaginary relationship and will not respond well to being told he is on hospice. He has not bathed (refuses ALL attempts) in months, REFUSES to go to hospital for ANY reason or even go in to see his Dr, who is a relative so came and did visit at home to assess for hospice. He has slept almost continually going on 12 days, eats hardly anything, refused all liquids yesterday.
The hospice nurse told me a week ago if he said he didn't want hospice they would not see him. This panicked me because it would place me in a very bad spot as he also refuses hospital care adamently, has been falling and is obviously medically declining. A social worker came out to address my hysterics and told me the same thing, either I tell him he's on hospice or she will, so he can "work on end of life issues."The only issues he wants to discuss when awake is his "SEXY young girlfriend." He tells anyone who will listen. My husband called the hospice administrator who said he does NOT have to be told and they will send a new nurse, who will call first. Only no one has called in 5 days or answered our phone call today. I think they think I'm the crazy one not my dad. I have cared for him 4.5 years, I'm tired and I'm caught between a rock and a hard place helping him stay at home all the way to the end comfortably if they decline to come back. Today his edema is way down in his feet, and he ate and drank for first time and back to talking about his girlfriend and how he's ready to conquer the world, only he still won't bath and now I'm afraid hospice really will back out. Should I find another company? or should I give up and force him to go to ER and probably be admitted to a hospital. I asked him about going to hospital again today and he says "I won't do it for ANY reason." I am stressed and would welcome input. (btw dr recommended us calling hospice today to ask WHEN a nurse will come, they have not yet called us back). Thank you in advance for any support, I very much appreciate this forum already.