Your profile mentions she is living in a nursing home and has dementia and mobility problems. Remembering that dementia always progresses and her physical disabilities will increase I think you need to have all your ducks in a row before you make this move, some points to ponder: Is your home - bathroom, bedroom, hallways - fully accessible? Will your work suffer when mom is up all night? (not uncommon with dementia) Are you comfortable dealing with incontinence and bathing? Are you physically fit enough to help with transfers, and to get her out of the house for medical appointments? Do you have a SO, and are they in agreement about it? Do you have a plan that allows you respite and vacations? (remember that she should never be left alone, not even for short periods) Are you prepared for this to go on for years? (decades?) Do you have an exit strategy if it all becomes to much?
I think she needs to stay where she is. If she is in a NH, she has been evaluated she needsv24/7 care. Believe me, working and trying to care for someone with ALZ/Dementia is very stressful. Your job will suffer as will your health. Mom will only get worse. Finding good homecare is hard. Members will tell you stories where aides didn't show up for work. Mom is really better where she is.
If you depend on your job, don’t do it. My mom has 24/7 care at HER home, Even with professional agencies, employees will sometimes be late. Flat tires, sick kids, etc. Last minute stuff that will result in delays in the agency getting another employee sent in. In my area an agency is $20 an hour, $30 per hour when overtime kicks in. Hiring your own aides is cheaper, and you will still have last minute call in’s, because life just happens. Can you go into work late or leave whenever you need to? If you hire aides privately, do you have the time/resources to find a steady stream of aides because of personality clashes or them not doing a good job? Without an aide at night, will you be able to get a good nights sleep so you can be at your best for work?
And this is is the “SIMPLE” issue to worry about. Others covered the major stuff.
You’ve gotten some excellent answers. Keep in mind that people with dementia are often not capable of making their own decisions and don’t have the power to reason. “Home” to my mother was her childhood home of the 20’s and 30’s. She wanted to “go home” as well. I had to deal with my feelings of sadness and guilt at placing her in a facility, and make myself understand that to put her and I together in a situation where we both would be living in MY house would have been the worst possible thing I could have done. She was judgmental and could be super snarky when things didn’t go her way. Mom was always a fall risk and as her dementia progressed, she was also paranoid, delusional, hallucinatory and a flight risk.
Right now, your mom has 24/7/365 care. You can go visit, and when life intrudes, you don’t need to find someone to sit with her while you take care of it. If she comes to live with you, you will be absorbing the work that the entire staff of the nursing home does for her now. Do you know how to lift and transfer her? Bathe and toilet her? Keep her from wandering and falling? Is everyone on board with having her come live with you? Will you have reliable help? Home health care is very expensive and I’m not certain how much insurance pays for. Can you work all day and then care for her all night when she decides it’s 3PM instead of 3AM. And do you understand that arguing with a person who has dementia is the worst thing you can do...and fruitless?
Are you experiencing feelings of guilt at having put her in the home? Is she guilting you by crying, begging, making promises to be”no trouble” if you take her home? Is she threatening you by being angry and nasty to you? How long has she been there? Why did she go in the first place? Can you remember how it was before she went?
Malvarez49, I can understand you want to bring your Mom to your home to live.
I assume you put in an 8 hour work day, not counting commute time. Will you be ready to put in another 16 hours once you get home? A lot depends on where your Mom currently lives and why she is living there. Elders with health issues tend to live on their own time tables, not yours.
You mention you have someone who can take care of Mom while you are at work? Is this someone a spouse or grown child? Or a professional caregiver? Make sure the caregiver has a lot of experience with whatever your Mom is dealing with health wise.
If you are hiring a caregiver not through an agency, then you will need to purchase from your home insurance carrier "workman comp" for this employee. This is needed in case the caregiver gets hurt on the job.
Just have to say and its been 15 yrs since I worked f/t but...employers are not sympathetic to employees that have family responsibilities. In my case, it was watching my Gson on weekends while my RN daughter worked. I was asked to volunteer to help out in the warehouse on weekends. (I was an office worker) I declined since I babysat. Another woman had her elderly Mom. I wasn't written up but it was in my yearly review I didn't volunteer. Oh, we were given all the info if we needed finding resources for a LO. Even allowed to bank money for daycare but when it came to actually having to take time off for a LO, there was no sympathy. I had a friend whose husband worked 40 yrs for a company who allowed him time for her appts. But, that company shut down and his new employer was not as sympathetic..
Again, I think you just need to leave Mom where she is.
I was planning on doing the same thing two years ago with my mother who has dementia. A good friend of mine who has been caring for her parents for 13 years strongly advised me against it. She shared the many stories of people not showing up, caregivers not getting along with her parents causing her to have to find new people, and just all the little things that come up in this situation. While it may be what she wants, you have to think about your life, your mental health and stress levels. Especially when the caregiver doesn’t show up. Apparently that’s a very common occurrence.
Where is she now? What is her present condition? Age/mobility/cognition/temperament/health? Is your house suited for any restrictions? What is her prognosis?
Is your home - bathroom, bedroom, hallways - fully accessible?
Will your work suffer when mom is up all night? (not uncommon with dementia)
Are you comfortable dealing with incontinence and bathing?
Are you physically fit enough to help with transfers, and to get her out of the house for medical appointments?
Do you have a SO, and are they in agreement about it?
Do you have a plan that allows you respite and vacations? (remember that she should never be left alone, not even for short periods)
Are you prepared for this to go on for years? (decades?)
Do you have an exit strategy if it all becomes to much?
And this is is the “SIMPLE” issue to worry about. Others covered the major stuff.
Right now, your mom has 24/7/365 care. You can go visit, and when life intrudes, you don’t need to find someone to sit with her while you take care of it. If she comes to live with you, you will be absorbing the work that the entire staff of the nursing home does for her now. Do you know how to lift and transfer her? Bathe and toilet her? Keep her from wandering and falling? Is everyone on board with having her come live with you? Will you have reliable help? Home health care is very expensive and I’m not certain how much insurance pays for. Can you work all day and then care for her all night when she decides it’s 3PM instead of 3AM. And do you understand that arguing with a person who has dementia is the worst thing you can do...and fruitless?
Are you experiencing feelings of guilt at having put her in the home? Is she guilting you by crying, begging, making promises to be”no trouble” if you take her home? Is she threatening you by being angry and nasty to you? How long has she been there? Why did she go in the first place? Can you remember how it was before she went?
I assume you put in an 8 hour work day, not counting commute time. Will you be ready to put in another 16 hours once you get home? A lot depends on where your Mom currently lives and why she is living there. Elders with health issues tend to live on their own time tables, not yours.
You mention you have someone who can take care of Mom while you are at work? Is this someone a spouse or grown child? Or a professional caregiver? Make sure the caregiver has a lot of experience with whatever your Mom is dealing with health wise.
If you are hiring a caregiver not through an agency, then you will need to purchase from your home insurance carrier "workman comp" for this employee. This is needed in case the caregiver gets hurt on the job.
I mean this as a straightforward, non-prejudicial question: what do you know about dementia?
Again, I think you just need to leave Mom where she is.