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How can I locate him since step mom & bro will not tell me? My step mom hasn't liked me, so to keep from adding extra stress to daddy, I stayed away the last few years and regret by that now but felt it was best for him.


She has said I wasn't family, so not to come around. Well I'm not letting her keep me away or hold me at bay anymore. She visited him this past Monday and word step bro told me was that he was not responsive to her which is why I went to see for myself. I think he feels like they abandoned him because 4 rounds of different cancers, triple heart bypass with 95% blockage he went home to and recovered but I think he isn't going to push himself since he feels that he doesn't matter. I even offered to come home and take care of him so he wasn't in there. I know it's just him being stubborn .


So how do I locate him and what right do I have as his biological daugther verses what step mom and step brother have and how can they be doing this ?Isn't there a way to stop or keep them from doing this?

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If you've indeed stayed away for a few years, I doubt you have many rights, if any. You've had no relationship with your dad for a significant amount of time, and I'd wager the stepmom has her reasons for keeping his whereabouts a secret. I'm sure the nursing home has instructions to keep you out.

You should consult an elder law attorney to ask what rights you might have.
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You don't ask if they are there. You act like you know they are there. "Hi, could you tell me what room Mr. Jones is in. I would like to send flowers or a card." If you get, "sorry we can't give out that info" he is probably there otherwise they would say "we have no one by that name. You can tell them your his daughter to try and get the info. If your told he isn't there just say "sorry I was told he was there". If he went straight from a hospital or rehab you may want to call the discharge person and tell them your his daughter. Could they please tell you what facility he was discharged to. They should have a record of who they used to transport him.
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freqflyer avatar
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freqflyer Oct 2020
Hi JoAnn, unfortunately the discharge person at the hospital or rehab cannot give out such information due to HIPAA laws.

I remember back when I was doing volunteer work at the information desk at the hospital, a woman came in to visit her 100 year old mother. We were unable to find that name on our patient list. We gave the woman phone numbers to call. Well, the hospital wouldn't give out any info.

The poor woman was frantic which we could understand. Then we gave her the telephone number of another hospital.... whew, her mother was there. She had been transferred to that hospital due to her health insurance, since said insurance had their own local hospital. Apparently the woman's name was listed in file on her Mother's HIPAA form.
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Where did your dad move from to the Nursing Home?

Who told you your dad your dad was moved to the Nursing Home?

You are missing some information here.
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Unfortunately because of HIPAS regulations, nursing homes are not allowed to tell you if someone is a patient there, unless that person has given them permission to do so. So.....you can’t just call a nursing home & find out if someone is a patient there. It’s possible your dad is a patient at the facility you went to but because of HIPAA they couldn’t tell you that.
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NeedHelpWithMom avatar
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NeedHelpWithMom Oct 2020
Exactly! Privacy is and should be respected.

Things are different these days. It used to be that people would talk because laws were not in place.

There is a reason for laws that apply to privacy.
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Any chance your dad is at this NH, but they were instructed by step mom to not disclose any info to you including his whereabout?

For those who followed Dorker's thread, didn't her dad tell hospital not to let his wife know he was there, and hospital abided by his wish?
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Have you called all the nursing homes in your surrounding area to try and locate him? If not, I guess I would start there. And then like AlvaDeer mentioned, you might have to hire a private investigator. How sad that you would have to do that to be able to see your father before he gets much worse. And because you are his daughter, you really don't have any rights when it comes to your father. That is unless you are your dads medical or durable POA, which I'm guessing you're not as you haven't been around him for a while. Your stepmom probably is. What a hot mess, and so heartbreaking for you. I'm sorry you sre having to go this. Hopefully you can track your dad down soon, and you can make peace with him, before it's too late. Best wishes.
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Private investigator? To follow step Mom. She will likely go to see him. They also can do work by computer now and in only hours find out everything without putting on their shoes. You certainly cannot go to visit Dad in order to interfere with his care by his LEGAL guardian, which will by now be his wife. If you do so you will be banned from the place. You cannot take him out of care. So that is to say, your rights are few. You can throw yourself upon the mercy of the wife and say you would merely like now to visit and see him, nothing more, and are happy to do this accompanied.
If you are trying to find him to interfere with his family and him I hope you will reconsider and continue to stay away as you have. Any war trying to pull him apart in his fragile health and end of life would be cruel in the extreme.
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I am a little confused by your posting. I’m hoping others can help you.

Best wishes to you and your family.
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