I want to run away from all this...

Talk to your parents doctors and ask them if there is any counseling they recommend ... if you have health ins maybe seek a good therapist that you can speak to or a really good friend and/ or a great church who has free counseling for those in need of some peace of mind... it would also help to make tone for yourself to get some quiet time and meditation !!!
My mother is very mentally ill and is very difficult
to deal with .. I thank God everyday that I gave him and my church family to help me escape.. Peatera for you to find peace and strength ...

Oh my , I’ve been telling God I don’t know how long I can go and I’m not in it near as deep as some of you but I know I can’t be a 24/7 caretaker . It’s my mom and my step-dad. Finally after 3 strokes I get to look at long term care for him , he’s currently in a Geri psych unit to get him under control . My mom just toodles along and tells everyone she’s bringing him home , which we all know can’t happen . She’s still driving short distances for now . I do not want to live with her . I’m the only one in the family that has been around them consistently and know how bad she is. Everyone is “fine” because she always says everything is “fine “ and I’m the one handling everything. I have to work so there is a family friend cking on her when I’m not there. After we get my step dad settled somewhere I’m hoping she’ll opt for assisted living or some home help. I’ve been around her constantly for the past month due to his last stroke and the anxiety , bouts of crying , and dread starts welling up in me a day or two before I have to go see her . I’m POA for them both and of course his family doesn’t come around til something happens to him and say they will do what I need but they hardly answer their phones and with his condition and my moms, they actually asked me when WE were bringing him home .......are you kidding me .
They don’t have much in assets and I know we’ll be looking at Medicaid . I’ve got an appt with an Elder lawyer to help me plan for them both. I look at it as one way to have to spend a little money and I don’t trust the nursing homes that much and they can’t give much advice anyway . Just want it to be over and done and them both be somewhere safe , not under the same roof with me !
good luck everyone , it’s such guilt sometimes but when you’ve never had a great relationship with someone and you are putting all your extra time to see that they are going to be taken care if and they still are nasty , spiteful, and still never think about your life - you just want to get this done and get away !! God be with us all .
There are some great books out there on dementia and if you are just beginning to deal with it I suggest you do some reading . It helped me understand them both better , made me feel a little better about not being the kind of person that can handle fully taking care of them st home , and gives you an understanding of what the future with them holds .

I have often felt that way, but I decided that I could not quit. Get some help so you can get a break to recharge if you don’t get help it will not work in the long run.

I totally agree. In fact, I am setting a very strong boundary and minimizing my interactions with my mother. My goal is to make sure that she is safe and has good care. But other than that, I am done. I told her the other day, that her combativeness is not healthy for me and I will not tolerate it.
She now has a PT person coming twice a week...as far as I am concerned, that's her activity and socialization. No more once a week, draining dinners...it's not worth the drive as I always left on high alert filled with anxiety. She is a very mean, nasty woman...and her verbal abuse has significantly increased.
I am in the process of looking into assisted living. If that doesn't work, then she can pay for in home care.
Once I know that she is completely taken care of one way or another, I am relocating to a place far enough away...and will continue to live the rest of my life. This all sounds horrible...but at the same time, I've put up with this woman's nastiness all of my life (I am her only child and I just turned 61) and I am done.

I felt like this every day my Mom was bedridden in my home for nearly 2 years. I still do to a lesser degree now that MIL is 87 and needing us every weekend. After one rough time with one parent, the next one came on board shortly after my Mom passed away. During my Mom's decline I had a spontaneous retinal detachment and operation and my husband had heart issues.
I got through it, albeit with some depression and anger issues after my Mom died, by taking it one day at a time, sometimes one morning or afternoon at a time. I try to do little things for myself as they add up. I think of it as the "bank of me" and even a good cup of coffee and watching birds for a few minutes go into that small "me bank". It helps to keep me going.

Thank you all for your comments. I am a teacher, and we go back to work next week, which is a real blessing. I am much happier when I am working with my students. I also maintain a struct no-call-from-my-family policy except from my wife and only when it is an actual emergency.
I am definitely fighting depression. It it tough, and I am considering going to see my doctor. I have already got shingles this year from stress, and I don't want to get sicker. I just feel like no matter what I do, it doesn't make anything better. I going to try to make it minute by minute, instead of worrying about tomorrow.

https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/having-a-hard-time-compassionately-lying-to-my-dad-with-alzheimers-440689.htm

he has posted under discussion

Join the club. Driving away would be so much simpler. I have already missed a family reunion and I will be damned to miss my niece's wedding.

You're not alone. If you decide to go, let me know and I'll go with you.

No, seriously, sounds like you either have or you're on the way to burnout. This is serious. It will affect your thinking and your health. You have to find a way to get out and enjoy yourself. Think of something you love doing and DO IT. If it means calling a friend or family member to give you time out, do it. Truth is, removing yourself from the environment (if only one day a week) is imperative. What makes you laugh? Do it. God bless you - you are obviously a loving and caring person, but we all have our limits. If you don't take time for yourself, next thing you know you'll become resentful and angry. I'm talking to both of us. You are loved and people do care.

I think most of us feel this way sometimes, especially if caregiving has gone on for years. Are you able to take some time off away from them?

Jumary, your profile is blank so it’s hard to make any comment or give any advice. Do your parents live with you? Do you have any familial support? Have you ever, at any time, researched home health care? Have you researched facilities and/or applied for Medicaid if needed?

It doesn’t help to know that 95% of us are 100% burned out. Your feelings are unique to you, but are really very common among caregivers.

Please post, if you care to, with more information and we can try to offer better advice.