My boyfriend is a caregiver for his grandmother. She is very ill but still chooses to add to her illness by continuing and to smoke so my empathy is diminishing quickly.
In the beginning I was very very very understanding being that my grandmother was sick with the same thing and I was very close with her so it was easy to put myself in his shoes. Lately I feel like he is not nourishing our relationship as much as he should be. I do essentially everything and if I stopped putting in effort I feel like our relationship would completely fall apart.
I have already pumped the brakes and stopped doing what I used too by about 85%. She is very nasty and I was not going to continue to help if I was going to be talked down too. After all, she is not my family and we are not married so I do not need to tolerate that. She makes backhanded comments about how he should "take care of me" that he takes care of her enough and to put into assisted living. I know that she does not truly feel this way she just wants the reaction out of us.
I cannot help but to think is this really my life? Our life is completely on hold from moving forward (an apparent pattern I have read from many forums) I would be totally down to help and as supportive as I used to be but he doesn't do anything for me to make me feel special or appreciated. I drive there and when we go out (which is very few and far between) I drive and pay for whatever we do. It's one thing after another.
A part of me feels like he has nothing left to give because he has to take care of himself and also make sure his grandmother is taken care of and I am always put on the back burner.
My question is how do I approach this without sounding selfish? I want to move forward with my life. Have fun like we should be. We are both in our late 20's and we essentially have no social life because she doesn't like to him to leave to the house so she isn't alone. I never heard her say this but I do believe in my heart this is a huge contributing factor as to why we don't ever leave the house often.