I want to go out of town to visit a friend I haven’t seen in 15 years. Take Mom & hire a companion there or leave her with care?

If Mom loves to travel that is superb. Take her on a trip ALL HER OWN, designed for and about her, one that you could enjoy as well. Do that later.
Now, go on your OWN trip, your own time away without giving a thought to Mom. For me that would mean putting her in respite in Assisted Living facility that will do that. Will it be costly? Yes. Will she LIKE it. NO!!! A resounding no. All of life isn't about liking something. Not everything is perfect. You can't make everything perfect. It isn't your job to do that.
Yes, in an emergency you would have to return home. But in an emergency out of town? Well, I will say no more.
You deserve to have some time to yourself away.
You COULD just end up surprised. My brother's friend had to put his partner into Assisted Living while he went to care for his dying Mom in Puerto Rico. He thought it would be awful. But in fact returned to having Bob think during this time that he was in a hotel and on vacation. He would go to the desk a few times to say that he shouldn't have come on vacation without his partner, and they would say his partner was coming to get him really soon, and that was that. It may not go that well for you. She may not like it. That's life. Not all vacations are fun.

Why not put mum into respite care in a facility and go enjoy your visit with your friend?

Considering all that you do, you need and deserve some time with a friend. This can be a good way for you to find out how to make arrangements so you have things in place for when you need it.

Don't take her on this trip. It sounds like a lot of work for both of you, and like you said, if anything goes wrong the trip ends early and badly. Depending on her mental status, travel like that can be really disorienting for someone who needs as much structure and routine as possible. Even taking them out for an afternoon can be too much... my husband's grandma had dementia and we had to stop taking her (from AL) out to eat. She would be so confused when we brought her back and it took a day or so for her to re-orient. She thought she'd been out of town, where is the bathroom, is this my room now? And that was just two hours out.

The idea of taking her but having a part-time caregiver sounds dicey too. For one thing, your mother may not be happy with staying in while you go out. It could be seen by mom as excluding. "I'm going to dinner with the friend, you can't come, just stay here and I'll see you later." Of course you don't mean it like that, and maybe she'll understand, but I'd worry how it comes across to her.

Thank you all,I hadn’t thought of this as a dry run for respite care if I need it. I’m going to look into that so I’m prepared but just leave her home with caregivers this trip. Thanks I needed to hear that

Noooo. YOu need a break. Let her get pissy. Change in environment would not be good, new caregivers, you having to explain her and idiosyncrasies and intake...exhausted thinking on it. Get the people you know at home. IF she has dementia she'll probably forget if you tell her you're going anyhow. Don't make a big deal of it. I've learned when I leave the house if I say goodbye it only distracts my mother and calls attention to my departure so I'm better off just going.

I don’t think I would take her. She has taken trips with you in the past so it’s not like she has missed out on traveling with you.

You are very very thoughtful to think of her. That’s a lot of planning and juggling. You know what they say about the best laid plans though...

Things happen, then more finagling. I wouldn’t chance it and everyone will be out of sorts.

Plan once for care for her to be home. You go and have a blast. Have a drink for all of us. Make mine a gin and tonic please! Take lots of photos and share them when you return. Have fun!

If there are any facilities near you that provide Memory Care ask if they will take her for Respite.
You will be able to enjoy your visit. Without having to be a caregiver as well.
Is your mom on Hospice? If so Medicare will cover Respite the Hospice you are using either has in patient units or facilities that they work with to provide Respite.

Taking 2 or 3 days to drive 16 hours, then another 2 or 3 days back will eat into your time with your friend.

Thanks for the update, Momshelp. So sorry there is so much going on. But you NEED this trip. Stay the course. Stay strong!

I’m back! The trip was really life affirming. Connecting with this friend after so many years was spiritual nourishment. She is fighting stage III breast cancer but is in remission now. She is older & wiser & I wasn’t aware of how much I needed her in my life. She took care of me this trip, inc packing a bag with fruits, nuts, & water. Healthy snacks for the drive home. I’ve been the bag packer for so long I forgot how it felt to be, well for lack of a better word, mothered. She’s 22 years older than I am & she has much wisdom & spiritual guidance to share. I hope to stay in touch & benefit from her life experience. This trip wouldn’t have been the same if I had taken mom so thank you all for the advice. I got back to mom’s home 2 hours ago & she greeted me as if I saw her this morning. Glad she didn’t miss me.