I want to divorce. How many people here have because they don't want to be a lonely caregiver any more? - AgingCare.com

I want to divorce. How many people here have because they don't want to be a lonely caregiver any more?

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I am in my 11th year of caring for my father in law. My husband doesn't see it is making me ill. I believe parents should live with their children in the later years, but all siblings sharing equal responsibilities. Parents took care of all 3 sons and fed them and clothed them equally so they owe their parents equally. Now we are in an age where elderly are thrown away. Even the good ones that lived and honest, hard working, self sacrificing life are dumped. I get it. My problem is my husband has a soft spot for his lieing brother and I have reached my limit. I cook and serve my FIL daily. His dementia doesn't allow him to use the microwave. Now he wants to loan him money when we are broke. I am the stupid one. I said ok and have slowly resented him for asking me. I put myself here and may God help me to get out before my next horrible disease I get from the chronic stress. So has any one divorced on here to end their suffering? Even after 11 years my husband now 58 is gaining weight back after bariatric surgery and could end up like his dad and since I am 10 years younger my life would repeat.

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I'm another one who literally smokes with anger and disgust at men who expect their wives to turn into Cinderellas and do all the drudge work of caring for an in-law.

You have every right to be angry, and you also have every right to consider an alternate way to spend your life.

You might try going away on a solo vacation for awhile, even if you just stay with a friend or relative. Your husband will never appreciate you while you're there; he needs to "step up to the plate" to see what you're dealing with and appreciate you, as well as make alternate arrangements.
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Candi, I have smoke coming out of my ears every time I see where a husband brings in his elderly parents and expects his wife to do the vast majority of the work.

Don't get me wrong, I have seen sons/husbands who shared the work load 50-50 with the wife, and it worked, until the elder is at a phase where he/she needs a higher level of care, then caregivers are brought in or the elder moves to Assisted Living or Memory Care.

My Dad was the one who decided he wanted to move to senior living [this place looked like a hotel] as he wanted to be around people of his own generation, and living in Memory Care, it made him feel like he was back in a college dorm :) Plus he knew I was a lousy cook :P

I know you must be physically and emotionally exhausted. And cutting back on what you do for your Father-in--law is easier said then done.... everything will just pile up. If hubby doesn't help, then you need to decide what to do next. Around 40% of caregivers die leaving behind those they were caring. Then what would hubby and his Dad do?

As for divorce, that's tough to decide. If only we had a crystal ball to see what our future holds. You could easily wind up in the same situation with the next love of your life.
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