I want my husband to move on our own but his parents keep threatening me and him. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

I want my husband to move on our own but his parents keep threatening me and him. Any advice?

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I want to know. I want my husband to move on our own but his parents keep threatening me and him and saying there going to lock us up. They are abusive but the law won't do anything. They lie to them.

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Hi. You really need to create a track record of the abuse. It is true that they cannot get POA without your signatures. They can, however, become your guardians if there is enough evidence of inability to manage your affairs. Competency is decided by a judge and in rare instances by a jury. Guardianship is a difficult and expensive process (for the guardian. The potential ward is given an attorney at no charge). The outcome is not something you want to leave to chance. Just having a diary of both the abuse and steps taken to improve your situation show a high level of self-advocacy skill and would help your side and prove competency if it ever comes to needing it. I am the guardian of a loved one with a degenerative illness. She is in memory care and there have been many problems with the facility. I take notes on my phone, email them to myself, and print out a hard copy and put it in a notebook. (I don't suggest the hard copy in your situation as your in-laws might find it.) The reason to create a track record of the abuse and self-advocacy is this will make it likely that a judge will rule in your favor and not appoint them your guardians. Also, if they have actually broken the law, charges are filed by you or by APS and they are found guilty, felons are not allowed to be guardians. You also need legal advice both as to what your rights are and what is involved in the guardianship process. Your best source is an elder care attorney or disability lawyer who also handles disability guardianships. Many lawyers offer a free initial consultation (make sure it's free!) and you can learn a lot this way. Where I live there is legal aide program. A one time fee of $20 is charged and every third Saturday one can go get advice from a lawyer for about 40 minutes. I got extremely good advice this way. As important is for you to just get out of the situation. I hope you apply for subsidized housing. I know the wait can be years in some states, but it sounds like you need your own place. Even with how your illness effects you, if the following sounds very unlikely, I would find someone you trust and give them POA in the event that you and your husband ever have an episode and are temporarily incapacitated at the same time, so there is never any risk of losing your kids to your in-laws or them becoming your guardians. Also look in to creating legal documents that spell out who you want taking care of your kids if you can't. Good luck.
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Reply to herguardian
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Your inlaws sound like bullies who view their son (and you) as incompetents who need to be managed.... I'd say they don't have a chance in h*** of gaining guardianship over either of you but use it as a threat to "keep you in line". Has your husband ever been independent from them? You know it is possible to live on your own, he needs to grow up and support you and your children. Look into suitable housing for your family (I assume you both have the ability to pay for it?) and tell him you will move with or without him. If he is too enmeshed with his parents to follow than you will have learned a valuable lesson about his priorities, but either way you will soon be free of them.
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Reply to cwillie
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I don't take care of my husband and yes we are bipolar we do take care of our kids and we get ssi and disability and my husband wants to move out but they won't let us plus before I got with my husband i was on my own at 16
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Reply to Joeswife
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You say you’re caring for your husband and also caring for “Crystal”. Is that you? Is your husband disabled? Are you able to move out on your own? Why doesn’t your husband want to move out? If his parents are truly abusive, call Adult Protective Services and open a file. I don’t understand why they would “lock you up”. Do they think you’re not taking care of the kids? Who are his parents lying to and what are they saying? Are they physically or verbally abusing you? Can you record or video them and then show it to the authorities? If they’re physically abusing you, call 911. They cannot get Power of Attorney over you without your signatures.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Do you or your husband have cognitive issues? mental disabilities? I am not trying to be rude, I just saw your other post where they are trying to get POA over your husband/you. If your husband isn't mentally competent, it is understandable that his parents would behave this way.
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Reply to worriedinCali
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You've cross posted--your other post says your MIL is trying to get POA in you and your hubby.

You LIVE with your MIL? Does she have reason to believe you are not making competent choices? Do you work go to school, pull your weight around the house? Or are you living off MIL's largesse?

Why are you living with them? Why DON'T you move out?

Methinks there's a lot more to this story.
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Reply to Midkid58
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