I think my mother in law faked falling when my partner and I went out last week. Anyone experience something like that?

Yes my 78 year old mother with Parkinson’s does that when she’s trying to break someone that put up new boundaries. No witnesses, different reasons on how and why she fell and always to pull you back in if you’re trying to do something for yourself

Wow - so many fake fallers! My FIL is 93, has dementia and is very unsteady on his feet and uses a walker. He has fallen MANY times without injuring himself. His knees just give out. And if you ask him what happened, he can't tell you. I don't think he's faking, because he's very embarrassed when we have to get him up off the floor.

My 88 year old mother-in-law has pulled the "fake an emergency for attention" thing before. She has MCI and does all manner of wacky things. My wife is her legal guardian and caregiver, but my mother-in-law's doctor said she would be okay staying alone for a few days if we had someone some in and check up on her every day. We contacted the local Council on Aging and they said they could provide a person to do that, when we went on our annual family camping trip last year (the trip normally lasts for 5 days). It was a 3 hour drive to the campground. Now, we had gotten my mother-in-law a Jitterbug smartphone. She likes it, but the "emergency button" is right in the middle of the screen, where it is easy for an uncoordinated person like my MIL to hit it by accident while swiping to open the home screen. The first night we were camping, we got a call from the hospital back home about midnight. Seems my MIL had accidentally hit the emergency button, When they asked if they should send help, my MIL apparently said, "well...maybe. I don't feel quite right". They sent an ambulance to take her to the ER, but all they found was that (A) she was slightly constipated, and (B) she was sundowning badly. They gave her a sedative to help her sleep, but they told my wife that while they couldn't admit her mother to the hospital (since there wasn't anything really that she could be admitted for), they couldn't just release her to go home after this incident because there was nobody home. So my wife had to drive all the way back home - 3 hours - sign her mom out, and find a respite home to put her in for the next several days (we have a tiny popup camper, only big enough for my wife, my two kids, and me, with no bathroom facility inside, and I can just see my mother-in-law injuring herself trying to go to the campground's bathroom in the middle of the night; and besides, we needed a break from my MIL Live-in caregivers will understand...). So, we decided that from now on we would put my MIL in a respite facility if we go on any trips like that. Safer for her, less stressful for us.

As a side note, my MIL was actually ANGRY with the people in the ER because they DIDN'T find anything wrong with her!

Imho, it is possible for the "faux" fall act. It could be done to garner attention, though I would dislike thinking that - "the be careful what you wish for scenario."

Yes, I have experienced it. My exes grandmother always wanted to be the center of attention and waited on hand and foot but was abusive her whole life but that is a different story. We caught her turning around twice then willing her knees to bend to get on the floor. They had already been to the hospital the last week because she "fell" trying to use the bathroom. They knew she was faking due to the lack of urgency at her trying to get ready to go the ER. Glad I don't have to deal with her anymore it is sad that some parents won't let you live your life due to there own selfishness or wants for attention especially the ones that want to be independent as long as possible but wants us to help them at every whim.

That would be pathetic.

cwinter - callous? Oh I've been called worse that that.

Most people have their own families as well. ALL of us would do right by our parents. Are we expected to give up our own families though because our parents play up or expect us to? Umm no.

Its a balancing act. No-one gets ALL my time. I have numerous responsibilities.
I have a wife whos long term ill, a teen with aspergers, a 6 year old - Am I callous because I refuse to cut them loose to spend 100% of my energy on Dad which is what he wants?

Interested to hear you're answer....

On a similar note to faking....

Most days Dad walks about a round trip of half a mile across a busy road to get to the Betting shop (not sure what its called in US - where you bet on horse races etc)..... He manages this.

When he used to come to my house, he'd do the "1 inch shuffle". If he wanted to go the bathroom he would shuffle an inch at a time, grab my arm almost pull me over, all the while moaning "oh dear oh dear oh dear".

Thing is I never got that. He knew I knew he'd walked to the betting shop literally the previous day. Would have taken him 3 hours at the 1 inch shuffle speed. Yet hes in my house laying it on thick that hes "so ill".

Its laughable - although my wife never found it funny.

My MIL has faked falls ever since I met her some 35+ years ago. Even toddlers in the family ignore her during one of them. The best was right before Thanksgiving dinner when food was being put out on the table. We figured it was fake because she made sure not to clutch the tablecloth (& bring everything down on herself). The 2 toddlers just walked around her like everyone else did. Even her own husband ignored her. My son asked if she wanted her plate of food down there & offered to make it up for her. Callous? Perhaps. However, fake falls were such a common occurrence no one believed her anymore. She got up very easily by herself when she realized we weren’t going to delay dinner.

Callous, I don't think so. There is some mental decline as we age. They do become like children. And like children, you need to set boundries. You should not have to give up your life and money to care for parents or anyone for that fact. If making life easier for children by moving near them is what needs to be done than do it. We have/had a member whose husband for years had been taking care of parents/in-laws yard and home maintenance but now it was too much for him. Parents/in laws were not sympathetic. If you can no longer do upkeep on a home or afford to pay someone, then move to an apartment or AL. Take advantage of the resources out there.

I believe we owe our parents to look out for them if they have been good parents. We need to keep them safe, fed, clothed and warm. Not neccessarily care for them physically. Being family means to be there for each other. That they have enough money to pay bills. But in return, they need to realize that as they age, compromises need to be made. Staying in your home may not be possible.

But the problem I find on this forum is that the people looking for help are those with parents who want it their way and feel entitled. A number of members have narcissistic parent/parents. Parents won't bend to make things easier on the Caregiver. Or there was abuse as a child. This child should not take care of that parent.

Things have changed since the 50s. More woman are in the workforce. More divorce and single parents. Children leaving the towns they were raised in to get better jobs. Should they have to uproot themselves for the convenience of a parent? Parents living into 80s and 90s so children are Seniors too, some having their own health problems. One woman who posted had supported a parent to the point she was broke and had no idea how she was going to live in her old age.

We ALL need to make choices. We need to realize what as Caregivers what we are capable of and how much we can afford to jeopardize our future to care for someone. Our spouses and family should be considered in our decisions. We have a few posters where MIL was moved in with no thought to how the spouse thought about it. And it can't be one sided. Each side has to give a little. I know, in a perfect world.

You're not giving enough context for outsiders to accurately comment on this. Has she exaggerated things in general? What kept her from falling after the earlier falls, and how many were there, how long ago?

My own mother has fallen a few times and not wanted to give details, so it's hard to assume anything from the info given here. Falls can be embarrassing, you know.

As I stated before the OP (Christine745) has not given enough information in order for anyone including myself to give their opinion or advice.

Falls can be dangerous! After one of my mom's falls she dislocated her hip and because it's a prosthetic hip (as well as the age of my Mom) the doctors in the ER had a really hard time putting her hip back in place.

As most know falls are the leading cause of fatal injury and death among the elderly. Google the statistics.

I'm not saying her MIL faked the fall, all I'm saying is there is not enough information to make an informed response.

I also wonder why Christine has not replied to any of the posts here?

Jenna

gemwinner - forgot about the fake calls. Yeh loads of them. He knows to mention chest pains and can't breathe - the magic words....

One of the reasons my wife doesnt speak to him now - shes an RN. Shes seen him do it many times...

Someone suggested a lot of us were callous. While I disagree, I will say callouses develop after rubbing or overusing the same spot over and over again until the skin becomes thicker to protect against the constant abuse to itself.
I will agree that many of us have had to develop a thicker skin when dealing with loved ones because we cannot be what they need. We cannot provide them with the care they need (facilitating every single aspect of their lives so they can remain home and pretend they are independent) and they will tell anyone who will listen how terrible we are for not "helping them".
I know I've developed a thicker skin when people outside of the family admonish us for admitting we can't provide the type of care FIL needs at home any longer. We get the "that's your dad you owe it to him". Well first of all, not my dad. My dad had his faults like anyone else. But when he required care in his last few years he was thankful and sweet and never asked for more than he needed. FIL wants someone at his beck and call 24 hours a day and doesn't care what it costs anyone else as long as he gets what he wants. He has always been abusive and mean and it gets worse as he gets older. And he is a raging narcissist who gets mildly violent and agressively angrier when challenged.
When your FIL calls you while your husband is in spinal surgery, not to check on his condition but to ask how long he will be out of work after because he needs some help with some things around the house, maybe you do become a little calloused, who knows?