In April, she had a UTI, which as common w/seniors, but she had a horrible reaction to it. She had also called twice in as many days. She went to the hospital after it took 6 firefighters to get her out of her house! Then she spent months in a nursing home. We eventually got her a place in an AL place that also has a memory care area. She hates it, argues w/the staff & wants to return home.
There are times she isn't lucid & comes up with crazy statements and she doesn't have a UTI! She will be lucid, say something crazy and then lucid or be lucid for entire days. She is incontinent and refuses to have staff change her, wash her or do her laundry as she states they have stolen her clothes when they do her wash. She says by her washing/showering herself, it shows she's stronger so she can go home.
A part of me thinks she can go home but another part feels she can't even tho she is lucid a lot now. Also, I know she feels like she's a prisoner being held against her will now. No, she can't live w/me as she was horrible to me growing up w/a lot of mental abuse. She's lucky I have a conscience and am making sure she's cared for with what she did to me.
She has made me POA & executor of her will (which is everything for my garbage sister who she adores & no she can't take care of my mother). But she sometimes thinks I'm stealing from her (I am not but I am paying her bills). Getting money to keep in our account from where I pay her bills from is a fight! Everything is a fight with her...& I understand no one wants to give up their independence. Idk how much is that vs possible dementia.
Should she go home? Oh and she also doesn't eat nor drink as she should & hoards food both in her house & in the facility!
Hiring someone to stay w/her @ her home is too expensive and she would need someone I think 24/7 or close to it, so that's out of the question.

My belief is that her safety, the safety of others and your health and sanity are top priorities. I would find a placement for her.
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Reply to Sunnydayze

I think it’s pretty clear your mom can’t live alone so I don’t understand why you are considering bringing her home? If 24/7 home care isn’t financially possible than you shouldn’t bring her home-it’s a disaster waiting to happen, it’s going to be you she fights. You who has to deal with the fallout when caregivers quit or don’t show up! Bringing her home isn’t going to make her happy and it’s going to place a huge burden on your shoulders. I say leave her in assisted living, she’s in a safe environment. If/when the dementia progressives, move her to memory care. Heck she might be ready for memory care & might be do better there.
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Reply to worriedinCali

Personally I think she would be better off if she were transferred to the Memory Care portion of the facility rather than AL.
No do not bring her home.
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Reply to Grandma1954

Sounds like your mom is well on her way into the world of dementia. DO NOT under any circumstances let her go home. She's where she needs to be now, where she will be taken care of 24/7 and safe. She will in time adjust to her assisted living facility, and you will have peace in knowing you are doing what is best for her at this time in her life. God bless you.
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Reply to funkygrandma59

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