I think I just need to vent... Can I do that here? - AgingCare.com

I think I just need to vent... Can I do that here?

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What does your husband say about how they are treating the mom? I'd take his lead. Longstanding family dynamics are difficult to challenge. As long as the person is competent, there's not much you can do.

For some reason, adult kids who treat the parent the worse, seem to favored and even spoiled rotten. I don't get it either. Even if you tell them they are being horrible to the parent pointblank to their face, they don't seem to have any shame about it. It's really up to the parent who is being treated poorly to stand up for themselves. And if they refuse, then they are the one who has to suffer. You can refuse to stand around and witness it though.

It's one of my pet peeves. If you look back at their childhood, you often find that they were always coddled and protected by the parent. I'm not sure if the adult child is angry with the parent who coddled them or just blinded by greed. Eventually, the parent is gone though and they can't treat them poorly anymore.

I hope mom has a Will, as things will really get ugly when the woman passes away.
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So, "Mom" is your husband's sister? What does Grama say about all this. Is she competent? Has she ever expressed a desire to change things? Or, do they have her permission to use her money? What does your husband say about it all?
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Venting is healthy and welcome here. You are not alone.
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What ive seen since ive been here utterly disgusts me. Grama sits by herself most of the time in the living room watching cowboy shows or the news. When she asks for spmething from mom, mom responds with a tone of voice that one could take as if she was thoroighly annoyed by having to get something for her. Same with the 16 and 13 girls. Mom doesmt take her anywhere unless its a doctor appt. Mom complains about needing help but when i sset up appts with aoa or other places to go she blows it off. Ive given her phine numbers and contacts but never calls them. Or i call them and give them her number and they call her she wont answer or return their calls.

Now a little back story. Mom has been living with gram a few year prior to moving to oregon. Helped with gramp before he passed. Grama is mom and the girls source of funds. Gram bought the car the house and the phones that all of them have. Her pension and retirement is what they live on. Bills paid first.

Now it is so frustrating the lack of respect that they have. Mom hides in the garage all day and plays on jer phone and runs around for her twp daughters oh and inforgot to mention her oldest daughter who is 37 and has two kids (12, girl and 5 y/o boy) that lives 5 minutes away. Now the oldest daughter use to come over here to do her laundry and basically go shopping. She has stolen from grama and mom and the girls. She talks to mom so poorly amd calls her all sorts of names. But mom keeps on taking carw of her and her kids. Wtf!!!! I say you wonder why your broke.

I dont get it. If there was no grama none of them would habe anything. But yet they treat her as if she is a thorn in their side. Its sickening
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Then the calls turned into u coukd come here i need your guys help with ur little sister and grama and yourmwifes organizational skills. I protested. Swore the last time we were tgere we woukdnt stay for more than a week cuz it was drama with the sisters. Just chaos lack of authority and leadership as well as mom stuff it would tear us further apart.

Well the calls became more emotional andneedy and being the only son and the one who has always been there to help her with the girls he starred showing resenrment and anger tpwards myself and my parents. I told him to go help her i will follow when i find a job up there. He said not to worry about it well find one quickly. His mom constantly reassured us not to worry about money or anything she will take care of us and if need be help pay our bills and get established.

Needless to say i buckeled. My dad got better and we had oppurtunities for ranches in a few close areas to gram so we loaded a large uhaul and car trailor put what we couldnt fit in storage and then headed to OREGON
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There is more...
We decided to try a fresh start and have always talked about getting out of californiA and possibly live closer to grama. I said i wouldnt go unless i had a job. We left the ranch and move into the house next to my parents. Dad is. 70 and had been having random no reason fainting spells for about 3 yrs. But he wasnt telling mom. So whenhe got diagnosed with deep vein thrombosis and was told to stay off of his leg i decided i was going to stay with him and make sure his stubbornbutt stayed in bed. SO decided to come with. It worked out. Within a few days of us being next to my parents the SOs mom would calling everynight complaiming about his sisters and talk about. Grams health. And ask if we had fugured anything out abiut moving close by.
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Sorry everyone. Ilast few years i have been so use to having to do some sort of backstory (more than once repeating) so i could get some understanding from the SO that i instantly did it here.

Point to cinderella is everything did a180. It was day and nightwith him. I would ask myself, i wonder who hell be today. Jekyl or hyde. In the early days i could reasom with why he may be acting that way. Due to unforseen life events. But tgat was onky for a few months. After tgat. I began tge process of trial and error of how to act respond etc to possibkly find something that worked. Still havent figured it out. Lol
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I swear i am in a cinderella story that started from the end. I started dating my husband in 2011 after knowing him for 10 yrs prior. Within a short time i was living a real fairy tale. I was fresh out of a rough engagement to another and very reluctant to open up and allow all of me to be vulnerable. But he was patient and understanding and through his actions and words he gave me a sense of security. he was the first person ever to get me to open up and talk when i was mad. (I rarely get mad and it takes alot to get me there but omce im i need to remive myself and calm down before approaching tge situation). I coukd tell him anything. Many things i have never told a soul. And vice versa. Never jealous or suspicious of one another. He was everything i ever wanted and more. We had made it through some pretty rough spells early on and yet the support and love we had never changed if anything it grew stronger. His parents loved me and mine loved him. We had our own friends both of us from a big caring hardworking family. And our families got along. We shared holidays and birthdays. He had an excellemt job i was finishing up my degree. And we took care of a large ranch with a partnership in cattle. Life was good. A few years later things dramatically turned.

I had to take a medical leave from school 3 mos prior to graduation. ... Oh grams up brb
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Looking forward to hearing your vent. Must be a good long one since its been four days since you posted. Can't wait to hear it..........uh...you can vent now......hello.....hello......
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Ok i will thank you. I will never turn down suggestions or advice. I havemt had a chance to even vent due to everything here but i will change ut thank you
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