I take a portion of my mother's social security for household expenses. Is this okay to do?

If you are asking if it is OK for your mum to contribute to household expenses since she lives with you, yes it is.

It is also necessary to document the extra she costs you, and what you take from her ss in case of future need for medicaid.

Good luck. This is a hard journey..

Sure it's OK to charge mom for the portion that it costs you (room and board, so to speak). If you can keep some log of your withdrawals from her account, you will have that information available in case anyone (legal or family) would want an accounting. You have a right to be compensated, as mom would have to pay for her lodging and food anywhere else.

I did not take any money for the first couple of years after mom moved in with me, but I discovered later I should have from the beginning. But in New York state you absolutely can get reimbursed, it's called creating a rental agreement between you and your mom. Since she is living in your home, you are considered the landlord and your mom is the tenant, in a manner of speaking according to the law. Weird to look at your mom as a tenant, I know. But that is how the law looks at it. Question for you, are you also POA? Is your mom competent enough to sign the lease agreement? Basically you draw up a lease, you can find basic ones on line. The rent is X amount, that covers room and board, food, etc.
In my case I cover all her expenses now in my "rent". I am not POA, and because there was a trust involved and then I had to get mom on Medicaid, I had to get a lawyer involved. Long story, but the lawyer drew up a basic lease agreement and my brother, who is one of two POA`s signed it. That lease was sent into the pooled trust with Medicaid and they send me a check every month for rent from mom's spend down account in this trust.
I don't know what state you are in, but you can usually get a free consultation with an elder attorney and ask the question. I'm not a lawyer, but it would seem every state would look at it as a landlord/tenant situation. Please act on it soon, better to have all the right documents in place as early in the process as possible. Good luck. Take care of yourself too.

Yes, it's fine. Keep good records showing how much she's paying and what it's for. Her fair share of utilities bills, household maintenance, groceries, toiletries - these are basic items that she'd expect to pay for wherever she was living, so you need have no qualms about it.

For trips out, birthday presents, personal items: you could keep a petty cash book for her and file receipts in it. Again, it's a matter of being able to show that you're managing her money safely for her - not that you're doing anything wrong, just that you need to be able to prove that you're not in case anyone wants to know.

As Golden23 stated, save the receipts. My mother taught me that because she went through it with her Aunt.

So when I became CareGiver with my Dad - I had 7 years of receipts and no one questioned, "where did the money go?"

"Someone" suggested to my Dad that I was stealing from him.  God Bless him, he told "someone," everything I have is hers.  She can't steal what is already hers.  :)

When he passed, everything that was left was divided equally as he had wanted.  

Yes; literally, "smacked in the mouth." The expression, which is very mildly vulgar (you wouldn't say it to your great-grandmother), invites a visualisation of dumbfounded surprise. Such as one might feel if one politely asked a waiter for a spoon and was told "get it yerself" or returned to one's correctly parked car to find a handwritten note under the wiper blade that read "how did an a***hole as big as you get into a space as small as this?" - which also makes one blush to the roots of one's hair, I can tell you.

I never did work out what had so offended the note-leaver.

Take a good look at utilities from before & after she moved in - all the electricity, water and heat - especially if she likes it warm - when my son moved out we were surprised how our bills went down especially as he took 20 min showers! - then the difference is what you could justify quite clearly include in rent

If she is still mentally competent, and capable of making her own disshion I don't see a problem as long as she agreed to that's what the money is for. If you're feeling bad about taking the money because she's your mother, your not taking anything she's paying for her needs .

I've been looking into this myself. Each state has its own rules where the medicaid lookback is concerned. Most states look back 5 years. In my state you can have a care contract (where you are employed and paid for taking care of the person). I haven't found the details about rent. I don't feel like it should be called rent. It's sharing living expenses. Anyway, I'll probably talk to an eldercare attorney to find out the facts for our situation. I was told there are also social service agencies and other eldercare specialists that may have answers. Good luck.

LL - we don't have such a system in my country - but surely if cheques are made out as 'RENT' or 'ROOM AND BOARD' then this should be okay - otherwise did she just reappear from place unknown that has free room & board? - it should be any extra expense should be paid by the one getting the help - this should include a 'senior sitter' for at least 2 hours a week so shopping, caretakers dr app't, going to gym or what ever is needed - you're not going to take advantage of your mom but you have needs too

FYI - I spend $2347.87 [$1760.90 US] per month for my mom in nursing home which includes private room[they provide hospital bed], food, laundry, nursing [she's diabetic etc], housekeeping, physio & recreation - meds are extra but most are paid by government so last year I paid just under $200.00 [$150.00 US] - total for year was $21,280.80 US [tax deductable too!] excluding clothes & new wheelchairs etc

You guys gobsmack me with having to bend over backwards to not pay anything that seems justified as living expenses because you're running scared about what these people are going to okay - are there no clear guidelines? - everyone says 'but what happens if ', 'she may be denied', 'if', 'may', 'perhaps' - go find out from those who know & get all your information from official sources -

Otherwise you are impoverishing yourself supplimenting your mom & what will happen to you? - can you charge for your labour? .. probably not but ask because even 2 hours a day will add up & there is no way that's all you'll be working - otherwise the nursing home will be getting money that you deserved long ago because you were too scared to ask the right people & I bet they won't give it back when you find out what you should be entitled to all along

GET THE CORRECT INFORMATION FROM THE RIGHT PEOPLE - go in person, get the person's name, employee # & as much documentation as you can - I'd put my cell phone on audio record to be able to show who gave you what information [& DON'T TELL THEM YOU'RE DOING IT] - then if they try to change something you have proof of what you were told & when - maybe do it 2 times to be sure they are saying same thing but use different office to get a different person & if they say the same thing you will know BUT IF DIFFERENT insist on clarification