My boyfriend avoids confrontations so HE won’t say anything so I’ve decided it’s up to me! I just don’t know for sure if it’s his mother or his brother?!?

I DO KNOW FOR SURE his mother makes his bed, which means she MUST DABBLE ON MY SIDE!!!

With my brain situation I’m ALWAYS LOSING/LOOKING FOR THINGS; it’s Mentally Exausting! Then I come here & MY THINGS THAT I BOUGHT have been moved, tampered w/ if you will. Basically NOT WHERE I LEFT THEM!!! I have to set up my USB station EACH TIME I COME HERE; EVERY WEEKEND! I can’t even leave THAT HERE!!!?!?!!! It’s ridiculous!!! I mean REALLY WHO TOUCHES SOMEONE ELSES THINGS?!?!? The manners the Fing NERVE!!!!!!!! And he wants me to move in?!?!??? Idk HOW that will work?!?!???

Sue I just read your profile and I am sorry - you deserve a boyfriend who is so much more supportive than this. ((hugs))
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to cwillie

Are you there at your boyfriend's mother's house by her invitation?
Real manners would require at least an invitation. Same if you and BF are moving in together, and planning on getting married. Developing an amicable relationship now with your future MIL might be wise.

Is your boyfriend the one receiving caregiving from his mother?
How will he be able to support you if he is living with his mother?
If you marry, who will be the caregiver for you? Where are your parents in this? Do you have anyone advocating on your behalf?

I am so very sorry for the medical challenges you are facing.
Adding another family's challenges and lifestyle to your life
is not something I would wish for my daughter, as you already have anxiety.

The world offers many options for supported, independent and affordable living.
If you had a case worker, an advocate of some kind, I can see you with your own space. Then, if you want to marry, I can see you being the one to make the bed.

In agreement with others, you are a visitor there. Take all your stuff home with you. This speaks to both manners and rights, yours and his and his mother's.

Take better care of yourself and your responsibilities. I understand love can cloud your better judgment on choices of where to live. I wish you to have your heart's desire.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Sendhelp

I’m sorry you haven’t gotten much support/sympathy here, but everyone is right. Are you giving your BF and his brother respite care for their mom on the weekends or are you just “visiting”?

Pack one suitcase. Get one with a lock on it. Wear the key around your neck so you don’t lose it. If you’re only there for two days, you can wear the same clothes. Bring underwear, maybe shampoo, toothpaste, shoes and socks. The barest minimum. If it doesn’t fit in the suitcase, it stays where you live the rest of the week. If you drive and have a car, even go to the extent of locking your stuff in the car.

If you do move in, which I think you know would be a disaster, and start paying your share, get a lock for the bedroom door. Keep your stuff neat and clean and in one room.

Honestly, you sound very angry. Maybe you should rethink the relationship?
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Ahmijoy

Aside from the frustration of someone touching your things I don't think your description of man makes him sound like a prince; he is living in his childhood home with his brother and his mother and SHE is still caring for him - I bet she gathers his laundry and vacuums his room while she is in there making the bed (that could explain why your stuff is getting unplugged). Does she make the meals too? What exactly does his role as a caregiver entail?
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to cwillie

Sorry, but a tough love answer here.

The house doesn't belong to you, and it doesn't sound like you pay any rent there, so you shouldn't be leaving your stuff there to begin with.

People may be going through your stuff because they may be looking for valuables to keep or sell, or medications too.

Don't leave Any of your things when you visit, ever! I know that I would not wish for visitors to leave their things in my home when they left. What am I, their personel storage locker? You are just that, a Visitor, take your things with you!
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to staceyb

Where r you the rest of the week? You say ur caring for somedody? Do u help with his Mom? Does she havecDementia?

Looks like BF is still living home as is a brother. So, this is his mother's house? So you are a visitor. No, its not right that anyone fools with your stuff in your BFs room. He should expect some privacy but doesn't look like this family respects it. I would move my stuff out. Only bring what you need for the weekend. And remember, right or wrong this is his mother's home.

My SIL would complain that when they stayed at my MIL's house SIL knew she was going thru their luggage. And, remake the bed.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29
Sendhelp Dec 25, 2018
Her name is Sue, she is caring for herself, Susan, with multiple challenges.
Your BF's mom makes his bed for him? Or it could be his brother? And you think your stuff ought not to be moved? Is he living at home? Only if you paid part of the rent you would be able to have some say-so, but don't shack up with him. If he's a caregiver, even more you can't have any expectation of privacy. You can listen to Dr. Laura some on her website and that will help more than Aging Care in this situation.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to surprise

You already know how living there will work, if you think two days a week are bad just wait until you don't have your own space to return to. Run away from that idea. Run like the wind.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to cwillie

Are you on the right forum? Is there an issue with Aging parents in your question?
I’m thinking your boyfriend lives at home. Why won’t he advocate for you?
Hope things get better for you.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Shane1124

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter