I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I know how hard this decision was on you and your family. Luckily I have had a HUGE support system outside of my blood family that have talked me down from the decision you made. At first it sounds like the perfect right thing to do. My dad isn't in decline because of a condition out of his control, but due to alcohol. He has wet brain which is alcohol induced dementia. One of the most manipulative people you would ever meet. Never used to be that way. We were able to get court ordered temporary guardianship. It has been an emotional rollercoaster over the last 4 years. We were finally able to get him into an assisted living facility and as hard as that is on my dad, it is for his own safety and health. It hurts being 1300 miles away from him and we would love to have him closer to us, but we have been down that road once and it was a LIVING HELL.
I pray you find peace and guidance in the decisions to come. It may sound cold hearted but if we don't take care of ourselves, how can we take care of others? God speed.
Your profile says you're 50, so how old is your mom? Is this behavior a "normal" part of her personality before? If not, it could be the beginnings of cognitive decline. I would strongly recommend rethinking living with her. The longer you stay there, the more you are "stuck" in that situation financially and otherwise.
If you moved in to provide assistance to her, did she assign you as her durable PoA? If not and she won't do this, it is yet another reason to find an alternative living and care situation. This is a deal-breaker IMO. If you think there's drama now, just wait until she worsens and you have no legal power to get her the care she needs but will likely refuse. And you being in her house really adds to the legal complexity since you won't be able to remove her from her own home into a care facility (if it comes to that in the future). If she were in your home, it'd be different and somewhat "easier".
If you have a spouse and kids, they are your first priority and shouldn't be subjected to this daily stress. You meant well but have come upon a hard realization, like so many others on this forum. Please read some of their posts and reconsider this arrangement.
You and your kids moved in with her? Think about what a huge adjustment that is for her. What sort of care does she need? To back to your life. This sort of arrangement is very hard on your kids.
You are 50, your husband is living there too? Mom is kid 70's maybe? Did she ask you and family to move in with her? Whose crazy idea was this?
“why does it seem she likes drama, trouble, or getting people mad at each other?”
i know someone exactly like that.
why are they like this?
they want you to be in a constant state of stress.
—— be careful. reduce contact. live a full life.
hire caregivers?
negativity will destroy you:
totally unnecessarily exhausted/unhappy.
i say unnecessarily, because there are many elderly people who intentionally and consciously do this (in particular against their female family relative who is caring/helping them).
I pray you find peace and guidance in the decisions to come. It may sound cold hearted but if we don't take care of ourselves, how can we take care of others?
God speed.
If you moved in to provide assistance to her, did she assign you as her durable PoA? If not and she won't do this, it is yet another reason to find an alternative living and care situation. This is a deal-breaker IMO. If you think there's drama now, just wait until she worsens and you have no legal power to get her the care she needs but will likely refuse. And you being in her house really adds to the legal complexity since you won't be able to remove her from her own home into a care facility (if it comes to that in the future). If she were in your home, it'd be different and somewhat "easier".
If you have a spouse and kids, they are your first priority and shouldn't be subjected to this daily stress. You meant well but have come upon a hard realization, like so many others on this forum. Please read some of their posts and reconsider this arrangement.
You are 50, your husband is living there too? Mom is kid 70's maybe?
Did she ask you and family to move in with her? Whose crazy idea was this?
i know someone exactly like that.
why are they like this?
they want you to be in a constant state of stress.
——
be careful.
reduce contact.
live a full life.
hire caregivers?
negativity will destroy you:
totally unnecessarily exhausted/unhappy.
i say unnecessarily, because there are many elderly people who intentionally and consciously do this (in particular against their female family relative who is caring/helping them).
soon-new-year hug!!! :)