I recently lost my mother. I am conflicted by my feelings of relief and anger. How have others coped?
For the past 8 years I have been the sole family member caregiver to my mother. I was the POA and executor of her estate and healthcare POA. My brother and sister did nothing. I have been grieving the loss of my mother during this time while also enjoying a new aspect of her personality. She became less bossy and more funny. More appreciative. At least in the middle stages. The last couple of years I was on a constant death watch, even though it did not come for two years. I am so relieved to not have this constant 24/7, 365 day stress in my life and at the same time I am a bit lost with nothing to do. The people I saw every day, her caregivers at the facility she was in, the other family members who gathered at the lunch table to feed their care receivers. The meetings with management and nurses to go over my mother's progress, or lack thereof. These were all daily routines. Reasons to get out of bed. A sort of self motivating and self congratulatory way of life. I did not ask for it, and I am ambivalent about whether I would have given it to someone else, but it leaves me with a sense of loss I have never experienced before. Yes, I have lost or quit jobs, but I always knew I would have to get another one. But now at 60, having not worked for 8 years and having received a bit of an inheritance, I find myself alone (not married and no kids, no religious affiliation and in a town I don't want to be in) and not wanting to burden those around me with my grief, or feelings of guilt to want my mother gone. I think I will seek out the hospice counseling that has been offered. It has taken me a while to get to this place of need of counseling because so many feelings are starting to arise. I was just wondering how others have coped.