I really think my mom would love an assisted living center. How have any of you talked with your parents about it? - AgingCare.com

I really think my mom would love an assisted living center. How have any of you talked with your parents about it?


Currently, she lives out of town on a farm (see my other post) in Illinois. My brother will be gone and I live in Wisconsin. We go down every week on my husband days off to cut the grass and I clean and try to work with her about hoarding. My husband is also working on remodeling her bathroom he wants to do as much as possible to save her money. She is cash poor and land rich so one option is get a good renter and make money and she could still could live in assisted living. She can’t even go out to get her mail without getting ran over. Then winter shoveling. When she was at the rehabilitation therapy center I have never seen her so happy, and now she is getting depressed and adding seeing my brother leaving doesn’t help. She said that there they think more of me than my own son. She has talked about it in conversation but I don’t know where she stands. She did everything for us while trying to grieve a loss of a son and a mother in a month. I just want her to be happy. My husband and I just want her to be happy. As for my brother, I think we know where we stand. How have any of you talked with your parents about assisted living. Also, she won’t leave without her dog. Are there places that take dogs?



Staffbull dont let the high rates quoted here discourage you from looking. In upstate ny I have found that AL rates are around 4K a month but will go up as more assistance is needed. Moms independent living apartment (1 bedroom, lr and kitchenette with all meals and activities provided) was about 3k a month. If your mom can still perform the ADL required to live alone or with just an extra hour or 2 of help perhaps an independent living situation would be an easier transition for her and a little less expensive.
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Reply to rocketjcat

thank you all for the great advice and bringing up questions i never thought of. also thank for the information and websites. i really appreciate you all.
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Reply to Staffbull18

If I remember correctly, your Mom's will has your brother inheriting the 280 acre farmland and you inheriting the "acreage" (the house and the 10 acres around it). Do you think that your Mom might change her Will now that your brother is no longer farming?

Would your Mom be more willing to sell the farmland since your brother is no longer farming? Or selling just the acreage? I think that you said that it worth $2 million. I know that there are a couple of BIG "Question marks" because your Mom likes to buy lottery tickets PLUS your Mom does not know who is going to harvest the 2018 crop and who is going to plant the 2019 crop. Just some things to think about.
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Reply to DeeAnna

Renting the land and maintaining the house (perhaps renting it too?) can become a big headache for the person who has to do all the paperwork and worry about the tenants, and that would most likely be you. If your mom is ready to move to town then it may be better to convince her to sell now - you will eventually have to sell when the time comes to handle her estate.
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Reply to cwillie

Staffbull, the above post by DeeAnna brings up a good point. Can your Mom budget for senior living? My Dad moved into what is called Independent Living which usually is a full size apartment, he had 2 bedrooms [one he made into his office], large living room, and an eat-in kitchen. In my area the average cost is around $5k-$6k per month.

If your Mom can budget for around that amount, it could be less expensive depending on where she lives, then she can continue to be independent, yet be living in a nice secure hotel like building, if such places are available in her area. There are options she can purchase, like having a Med-Tech help her with her diabetes. Some places, the Independent Living offers a menu type meal in the restaurant type dining room. Imagine all the new BFF she would meet :)

I made sure the place my Dad moved into also had Assisted Living for later down the road. Luckily they had a Memory Care section. The cost for Memory Care was around $7k-$8k per month. My Dad loved the place, and said he wished he would have moved there years earlier [my Mom wouldn't budge from her house]. He never knew such places even existed.
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Reply to freqflyer

Here is a current post asking about how to pay for assisted living facilities. I know that your Mom will be "Private Pay" because of the farm. But I thought that you might want to look at this post.

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Reply to DeeAnna

I think that it would be a good idea to investigate assisted living facilities close to where your Mom's lives. I am glad that your Mom was happy at the rehabilitation therapy center. That might make it easier for her to go to an assisted living facility because she had such a great experience at the rehab facility. You will have to ask about the dog. Some facilities will allow small dogs.

Here are some websites for you to look at about assisted living facilities that discuss how the facilities calculate the monthly fee (according to a point system):

I laughed when I read the sentence "she can’t even go out to get her mail without getting ran over". Some people might wonder who could run you over out on a farm. But some of those farmers drive their BIG pickups and even BIGGER tractors and combines pretty fast on gravel roads and on black top (roads). When I stayed with my grandparents on their farm during the summer, I almost got run over getting the mail because the road in front of their house was the main blacktop into town and their mailbox was on the other side of the road. :)
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Reply to DeeAnna