It's complicated. She allows my brother and his son to visit and help (not his daughter), allows her one daughter to help with everything (but not her other daughter) and refuses to let me help or visit. She moved in with my father and runs everything. When mom was alive, mom stopped her behavior but since we lost mom .... dad and I used to have a close relationship, in fact it was my family that was always helping him and mom. He now sides with everything my sister says and does. Dad keeps saying I have to make your sister happy so.... he just seems so unhappy.

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What is going on with your sister? I would think she would welcome additional help for your dad.

Does she feel that you are critical of her caregiving?

It sounds like you miss your dad. Do you get to visit him at all?

What exactly are your father’s needs? Does he have complicated issues?

Can you speak to the siblings that do help to find out what they think?

Please expand on how your mom felt on this matter with your sister.

I hope you are able to work it out because I am sure that the friction between your siblings is disturbing to your dad.

Best wishes to you and your family. Take care.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom

Your question finished with an unhelpful typo. Were you trying to say that your Dad seems Unhappy? If so, perhaps you do need to work out what’s going on. Have you discussed this with the other family members who are also excluded? What do they think about it? What do you think is the reason for your sister’s behavior? Does she have a past record as a control freak, or do you think she is planning to take financial advantage of your Dad? Some more information would be helpful, if only to help you move past your discomfort and try to understand the problem.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen

When you are the caregiver it is difficult to ask for and accept help. The caregiver knows the routines and will try to avoid, at all possible costs, any disruption to the routine.

How do you and sis get along. Are you competitive with each other? Can you both set any differences aside when with dad?

What is the rest of the story?
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Reply to gladimhere

Does your Father have a phone to stay connected to family/friends he would like to have contact with?

What was the last visit you had there like? A pleasant time or a lot of tension / conflict?
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Reply to Beatty

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