After taking care of my 73 year old husband with early-onset Alzheimer's for over ten years, I had to put him in memory care six months ago. He had become dangerous to me. Threatened me. Did not recognize me any longer. Saw me as an impostor. I had no choice but to place him. I was a burned out nervous wreck. We've been married 52 years and I still love him. I KNEW placing him wasn't going to hold together. I JUST KNEW IT! How did I know it? I don't know. Just a feeling that proved to be true.
He just got thrown out of that memory care center last week for aggressive behavior. I can't believe it. I feel like this: "I've done EVERYTHING FOR YOU THAT I KNOW TO DO! I'M AT WITS END. I'm going broke trying to pay for your care. I've got you in 5 star facilities where you'll get the best of everything. The very least you could do is behave yourself!" (I know......it's unrealistic to expect that. It's just simply how I feel). I'm still tired from the ten years of care giving.
Last week I quickly had to find him another place to live. He's been there three days. I have to admit: I have not even called to check on him. I will, but I haven't yet. Of course, can't visit because of the virus. Have not been able to see him since March 4. I'm no more settled than I was six months ago when he left this house. Every time the phone rings, I go, "Oh no......" And sure enough, it's yet another issue that gets dumped on me to solve. If this new facility throws him out, I don't know where we go next with all of this. Do I have the same feeling that nothing is going to work out? Yep. I do.
I have learned this: Putting them in a facility does NOT solve your problems! There are still sleepless nights and dread for the future. I haven't had a happy day in so long, I wouldn't know what to do with one. Before him, I had both my parents and his mother with the same disease. But I didn't have facility issues.