I own my home with my girlfriend and her parents (80) live with us. We can not afford a caregiver for Mom and FIL refuses to pay. Advice?

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We both work and her dad also goes to work with his son. Her dad only cares about leaving the house to work. Her mother has medical problems and he does not care leaving her alone. Her mother can hardly walk and can not answer the door or get out of the house if there is a fire. Her father refuses to listen to us about this situation with her mother. I am afraid something bad will happen and we will get charge with abuse of an older adult. What can we do? We can not afford a caretaker for her and her father refuses to pay for a caretaker. Someone please give me a answer.

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Is your girlfriend's mother of sound mind? If she is, she can authorise you to hire caregivers and contract to pay for their services using her own money. She must have some.

If she is not of sound mind, are you satisfied that her husband is? If so, he is her primary caregiver and next of kin, and *he* is responsible for her welfare in the first instance. If he refuses to allow you to provide support and as a result she were to come to harm, it would be his responsibility and not yours.

But most of all: do you and your girlfriend own this house independently of her parents, or have they contributed financially to its purchase?

If they have no stake in it, then you and girlfriend need to start making "under my roof" type noises. This is your house, you decide on how its inhabitants behave.
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Reply to Countrymouse
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Helpless,
I'm not going to judge your living situation like others. That's your business.

The problem is your girlfriends mother needs help and isn't getting it.

Really, SHE (your girlfriend) should be taking the responsibility to speak to her dad about his wife (her Mom) needing more care. Since her father has refused to cooperate to see that his wife would be safe, I would have her give him an ultimatum, either Mom gets a c/g while y'all are out of the house or they both have to move.

You, as the homeowners, can NOT be responsible for anything that happens when her Mom is alone.

Tell him it's against the law to abandon a helpless elder. (It is!)

Tell him he and both of you could be sentenced to jail time for purpously leaving her Mom in a dangerous situation.

You could even go so far as to report it to APS (Adult Protective Services) but that may backfire on you and your girlfriend. You could tell him that they will take her away because she has no one to be with her.

What the heck is an 80 year old man going to work for anyway? Talk to your g/f's brother who takes him to "work" everyday. Tell him his Mother needs looking after. Ask him to cooperate by not taking his Dad with him.
In the father's mind, he's better off out of the house than having to wait on her all day. What a jack*ss.

Your girlfriends' Mom deserves to be safe and cared for.

Talk to your g/f first, tell her you want her to talk to them (above). If she won't, tell her you will have to, as you fear for her mother's safety.

One way or another, her Mom needs someone there.

Good luck.
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Reply to SueC1957
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Does your girlfriend have any other siblings or family members who could intervene with her father? Contact the Council on Aging and ask for advice. Maybe there is some way to make staying in the house safer for her. Possibly a medical or social day care program is available for her. Unless your girlfriend's mother is incompetent, she can make decisions for herself on how she would like to proceed. You and your girlfriend should consult an attorney to see what your personal liability would be for the bad decisions of competent adults who live in your home.
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Reply to Marcia7321
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You could begin by contacting your local agency on aging and asking for a needs assessment for GF's mother. It seems to me this is as much a problem with your relationship with your girlfriend as it is about elder care... so how did they come to be living in your home, and why does your girlfriend think it is appropriate for them to live without paying their fair share of the costs?
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Reply to cwillie
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