I need your advice, Should I give him a chance?

''This situation is really new to him...
..often thinks he needs to be away from mom...
Every conversation ends about talking about his mom...
keeps cancelling our dates...he won't be upset if I meet someone else.''

He's given you an out, likely because he's starting to realize what is involved. He is committed to seeing this through one way or another with his mom-I would think especially so since the loss of his dad is so recent.
You would do all the heavy lifting to keep any type of relationship afloat, and not be happy with what remanants of his time and energy he could spare.
As a friend, direct him to the forums--either on this one (maybe wait until this post rolls off the first few pages, LOL), or more specifically here: https://www.alzconnected.org/discussion.aspx
because it will help him, and possibly help him prepare for the future.
You can always stay in touch, but unless he can get help in the home, or find a nice place for his mom (and he doesn't sound ready to consider that now), you will not be able to have a normal or satisfactory romantic relationship. Dementia care is 24/7, all consuming, rent-free-in-your-head care.

I'm sure he's a very nice guy, but you can do better by finding someone without all the baggage he brings.

Timing is everything, and I'd say the timing isn't right here unless you're willing to always be #2 and share the burden of caring for his mother. That's no way to start a relationship, but it's a sure-fire way to end one.

I'm not so quick at casting him off if you care for him, and I'm certainly not a relationship expert, but here is my 2 cents.

At this point, he feels he has a responsibility to care for his mother rather than to advance your relationship. Caring for someone with AD can be all consuming, leaving little or no time for enjoyment. If he is the lone caregiver, he will feel tired, overwhelmed and moody. You say you care for him, would like to support him (in his caregiving of his mother, I assume), but feel neglected by his putting you off. Does he care for you? You might ask him that. His answer might tell you how to proceed with your relationship. He says it's OK with him if you met someone else. I wonder how he would feel if you did? How would you feel if you wrote him off?

I'm guessing that he has no time off from his caregiving. 24/7 caregiving is not good for his physical or mental health. He must not neglect his own needs, and isolation is not a positive step in doing that. If you think the relationship could advance, you might discuss the possibility of him hiring some outside help. He needs a break. There are many companies that offer and specialize in in-home care, and providing respite for the caregiver. If he wants to see you more, he may be receptive to outside help. A good place to start is to call the local Area Agency on Aging to get some suggestions, they are a great resource. If he has no free time now, it will only get worse as her disease progresses. Maybe by seeing that you do care and want to help, he will decide to become more appreciative of you and want to spend more time with you.

So I don't think it's a matter of just standing by and hoping things get better. See how you can offer help. I wish you well.

(Don't mention it to him, but he is not obligated to solely care for his mother, although he has taken the responsibility to do that. Mentioning that to him may set off a defensive outburst.).

Run for the hills, that's my advice. This man is in WAY over his head with the care & management of his elderly mother who's suffering from Alzheimer's, and he's a slave to her moods, which change continually. I know, b/c my mother is 94 with advanced dementia & her moods are VILE. She lives in Memory Care Assisted Living and STILL manages to affect ME with HER moods, so I can imagine how your boyfriend is jumping through fiery hoops to please his mother and getting burned every time. He will continue to do this until she passes away, even if he becomes willing to place her in Memory Care........he will STILL be driven to cater to her every need. How do I know that? Because he flat out told you he won't be upset if you meet someone else. That says it ALL right there.

Please go meet someone else who is NOT a caretaker to his elderly mother and who has time for YOU. You deserve more than a text-a-day from someone who's too busy for you. Someone who's into you will make time for you, period.

Good luck!

It looks like he has made his choice and it’s not you. I’m so sorry. There are other fish in the sea. Find another man who is a free to enjoy your company. You deserve it!

He isn’t ready to make a commitment to anyone. Stop wasting your time. Are you looking to be mom’s caregiver? Don’t think so. Is mom ready to let go of her son? Don’t think so.

The writing is all over the wall. Read it for what it is. There isn’t any other way to interpret it.

He’s moody to boot. Why? He is miserable but not miserable enough to change his course in life. What a shame for each of you.

In my own personal experience, my terrific husband was eager enough to be with me to wise up with lightning speed when it immediately became obvious, after 2 or 3 dates, that his mother wanted to dispose of me and keep her Sonny Boy as her very own for the rest of her life and the rest of his.

The red flags for you are that this poor soul has been chained to HIS anchor for 57 years, and even more flaming scarlet, he’s already giving YOU an exit door.

The fact is, when 2 people are really, truly in love, they find a way to be together, even if one of them has to endure the tantrums of a spoiled parent.

If I were you, I’d accept his offer, and leave.

If you feel this way now when the blush is still on the rose, when you are in the honeymoon phase of love, how much worse do you suppose it will be later on?
What is your experience in dealing with elders with dementia? How long have you been visiting here on Forum?
You describe a man overwhelmed already. He is going to count on your not only for support, but for caregiving.
I suggest that you get counseling together. I suggest that you discuss thoroughly what his expectations are moving forward for caring for his elder. Under what circumstances, and when would he consider long term care. What are his expectation of you.
Romance is all well and good. But when real life comes along? Well, trust me, that's a whole different thing AT BEST and without a MIL.
I would move on. And I wouldn't to tell the truth give this choice a second's contemplation. I would know right away.
It is said that when a relationship ends, when we look back, we already KNEW very well what bad things were extant that might well end the relationship. I think you know that this isn't a good idea. Listen to the counsel you are already giving yourself. LOVE is NOT enough.
All of that said, if you have a busy life and need very little from a man, then perhaps this is your man. Don't move in. Or, if you DO move in, don't marry. And make it clear that this is a trial basis, and that you understand your limitations well enough to know that this may not work out for you OR for him and his Mom. That is any of you are unhappy with the arrangement you will be leaving and wishing them well. In situations like this you are best to be crystal clear and honest. If this gentleman is ALREADY moody, and he is having time with you that should be his respite from care, and is STILL moody, then do know that he is a moody guy or he is overwhelmed. Having you to worry about won't help that. I certainly do wish you well.

No.

Marriage is hard enough.

He has given you his answer.

Find someone who isn’t under such a burden.