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My mom is getting another UTI and is fantasizing she can walk, and will be hallucinating people in her room by tonight. I have the flu and hurt all over, especially serious for me because I have an immune disorder. I cannot keep her safe, clean and fed for now. I need to refuse to take her home -- any suggestions on the practical side of that? It has worked well in the past, the hospital definitely got the situation... Guess I'm feeling guilt also. I'm sitting here with this sick woman who's super cheerful and thinks she can walk and run!!! I'm going a bit crazy too...

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I found a respite care bed!!! Hospital social worker is very angry with me that I'm asking her to do the paperwork required.... She tried to insist that the fault is all on me and I have to come pick her up. I stood my ground
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Thx for your interesting answers and discussion. I just want to clarify a few things.

The hospital did not just refuse to admit her, they refused to TREAT her. She fell and her head was bleeding and they refused to give her a scan or antibiotics for the uti, because the ones her PCP had given her were not working. It was not my first choice to go back there, but the Urgent Care told me because she had a head injury they had to send her to the ER anyway.

Yes, I agree I need to clarify the situation-- I'm going to talk to the sane social worker about what I could have done differently, how to handle in future.
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The hospital nurse called Adult Protective Services on me and told me my mom was going to spend the night in the emergency room hallway. That's how the conversation ended at 10 pm, 8 hours after my poor manic mom left the house, when I started my wind down for bed. The second supervisor I talked to, though, sounded more sane and rational so maybe they might admit her and withdraw their complaint, I don't know.

The problem is, my mom's UTI is not showing up on their tests and they don't realize/ believe she's not always manic and demented like this so they keep insisting she's well. Hopefully overnight, she's started to hear the annoying music and see the invisible people, as always. And hopefully the hospital will notice! We will see...

Going to sleep and rest as much as I can, as I'm very unwell. Might call Area Council on Aging to see if they can help, and might call some of the respite care places the Alz Assoc found me to see if I can get her in there for a week or two -- I'm praying I don't have to take her home today while she's still manic. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT! I could not have stood up to the hospital's pressure and bullying without support.
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She's coming home in an hour, via medical transport thank God. And they did treat her UTI so I'm really mystified why they didn't admit her this time.... Maybe they really are full up with people with the flu, don't know, the health care system is often a mystery.., or a gamble, like roulette, haha not so funny...

I'm praying for that future respite. AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL FOR YOUR HELP! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🕊🕊💕💕
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This just breaks my heart. And it angers me too. I'm sitting at my desk at work and I should be working, but I'm thinking about your story and what you and so many caregivers like you are going through. I feel like this could become one of those situations where someone on the outside could look at you and make nasty comments about being an uncaring daughter and not living up to your responsibility to you mother, and blah blah blah. But they would be wrong (in my opinion) to judge you without knowing the full situation and without ever having gone through something like this themselves.

This is one of those situations that you just can't understand and have compassion for fully until you've been there, done that. I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but I have been there, done that, and I have compassion for you. The system is so messed up in this country and as the baby boomer generation gets older I think we'll see more and more of this kind of thing. We need a revolution in caregiving in this country.

My mom had severe (with psychosis) dementia. I had her (who needed 24/7 supervision), and elderly father with Parkinsons and 3 kids to take care of. One day I snapped and took my mom to ER and told them I couldn't do it anymore. They at least kept her for 3 days, but the social worker didn't do much to help me during that time to find a better solution. I just don't think she had much experience in dealing with this kind of situation. Again, as our society ages I think this kind of thing will become more common and hopefully more social workers and medical staff will "get it." Until then, my heart aches for everyone out there in this situation.
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Good, you are not going to like my answer.

A hospital is a terrible place for a dementia patient. Every hospitalization set my mom back 10 steps. She never recovered from the cognitive ground she lost with each ambulance ride, each "new" ER, new set of nurses. For the last two years of her life, we refused to send her out and insisted everything get treated at the NH.

You wanted to send your mom to the ER and hospital because YOU were ill. UTIs do not require hospitalization. The require a urine test and a script. Both easily obtained in an Ltc facility.
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I do not wish to criticize Good for her desperate actions, but I am going to bring up another angle. There are new Medicare rules for hospitals and other health care providers. I do not even pretend to know or understand them, but I know that hospitals are penalized financially by Medicare if they don't meet certain standards. Part of the standards deals with re-admissions and repeated ER visits. This hospital may be trying to avoid the penalties by keeping their statistics within the standards. I am not defending the hospital's actions, but there may be more to their refusal to admit your mother than you realize and the decision is out of their hands.
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Thank you for your encouragement and support! Hospital called early to get me to come. I was sleeping so they sent the police to wake me up.

I talked to Area Council on Aging, still trying to find out my rights. They were encouraging and are calling Adult Protective Services for me to see what are my real options and rights. YAAY!

Hospital did not admit mom and she spent the night in the ER.

I left a message with nurse at her PCP to see if I can get antibiotics that way. May not be able to, as he is a new doc for her. Will see.

I don't want to take her home as she is still sick and manic -- I can tell from her phone messages. But hospital thinks she is just very old.... And -- it's easy for me to forget-- I AM STILL SICK.

Left messages with respite care facilities but they didn't call back yet.

Thank you again for your caring and support! The system might be insane at times but at least we have each other! 🕊💕
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"Hospital called early to get me to come. I was sleeping so they sent the police to wake me up."

Out of line.
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Stand your ground - it sounds to me like the police and the social worker at the hospital are out of line - you are sick! We're told "don't come to work if you have the flu" but you are still supposed to care for a demented woman with a UTI when you have the flu? Respite and rest- hang in there. We are cheering for you.
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