I live with my parents because I can no longer work. What should I do if it is a bad situation at home and I need to move out but can't work?

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Hi, Kathy! For your own sanity, you are right to move out, temporarily with your step-sister if need be, then elsewhere as soon as you can do so. Your mother has made a choice that she does not want you in her life if you move out of her home. That is her choice to make and her loss, actually. You need your life back. Have you looked into the new state insurance risk pools under the new healthcare reform law to see whether you qualify? The sooner you get out of your parents' home, the sooner your income will be assessed independent of their financial situation. Good luck!
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Thank you for your suggestions and support. I am on SSDI (Social Security Disability Income) since 2005 for multiple severe chronic pain conditions including multilple herniated discs, fibro, myofacial pain syndrome, osteoarthritis, CRPS (chronic regional pain syndrome), and also for depression, anxiety and PTSD. In 2004 I herniated 3 discs while working as a nurse. I had only moderate pain and thought it would go away. I was SO wrong, and b/c I didn't report the injury within 1-2 days, the hospital I worked for would not accept a "work related injury report"... The pain got so bad that I lost my career as a nurse, lost my home b/c of mounding medical bills, lost my fiance, friends seemed to vanish, and I had to move back in with my mom and s-dad, which is where I am now and I've fallen into the Caretaker roll by default. I'm an only child and have no other help. I have a step-sister, but the stress and dysfunction in our parents house is too much for her to handle. My parents do have excellent health insurance that would cover outside help to come in, but they refuse. They see me in horrible pain, but it's like I'm invisible. There's no one else to help them and I can't make them accept help from Visiting Nursing Agencies, etc... So "I'm it." My own health is declining fast, both physically and emotionally. I have no health insurance and my ration my own meds b/c I cannot afford them on my SSDI disability check that I get once a month. I've tried to get Medical Assistance from the DPA/DPW 4 times since 2005, and have been denied every time. The Gov't counts my parents income, which is fairly good, as though it was mine! I've tried to get listed with Prescription Assist. Programs from pharmaceutical co's., but they too count my parents income against me since "we all live under the same roof." Also, I can only afford to see 1 doctor, and see him 4 times a year just for "med checks". The PCP I have is not good and has a very bad reputation, but with all of my pre-existing conditions and no "real" health coverage, I haven't been able to change doctors. Everytime I try, they politely tell me that, "we're not taking any new patients." - I'm not here to complain about my own health issues. I'm lucky I have even 1 dr. My crisis is with my mom and s-dad. Their health is declining and I can't keep up with taking care of everything. Guilt keeps me there. I've honestly been "the perfect daughter", but still I feel guilty and have panic attacks when I have possible options to move out. I don't know what to do and really need support and encouragement...and friends...People who aren't in this situation don't really understand. Thanks so much; Kathy K.
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Did you check with the Human Resources Dept. of your company to see if you were eligible for disability? You might want to contact an attorney that specializes in Social Security Disability - you might be eligible.
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Thank you all for your encouragement. I feel SO incredibly alone in this situation. I have multiple herniated discs w/ bone spurs on the vertebrea. 3 of the discs are gone due to degenerative disc disease. I also have fibro, myofacial pain syndrome, osteoarthritis, ankylosing spondylitis, in addition to hashimoto's hypothyroidism, insulin resistance, asthma, etc... I'm on strong pain meds which don't touch this pain. I also have PTSD from growing up in a very dysfunctional, often violent household, which is also the cause of depression and panic attacks which I do see a therapist for. I'm trying so hard to get well myself, yet I have no rest in my present living situation. I've asked my mom and s-dad to bring in outside help, which they can afford, but they refuse. I look like the picture of health, but inside the pain is often excruciating, physically and emotionally. Living here I have a curfew and lights are out at 11pm. I have a dog, who is my heart and soul, and need to be here to take care of him. Friends won't come into this house b/c of the negativity and of course I can't date. I have no privacy. I can't even talk on the phone w/out one of them listening in. I do everything I can for them, yet when I'm in pain, to the point of crying, sweating profusely, gasping for air, etc...it's like I'm invisible. Recently I've decided to move in with my step-sister. It's not the best environment for me there either, but I can't handle the pressures of living here anymore. The physical and emotional pain I endure 24/7 is getting to be too much for me to handle. I can't sleep, cry often, pray a lot, and I can't get any Assistance with my meds b/c the County counts my mom and s-dads income as my own, even though I pay them $300 a month to live here. I'm just worn out, in pain and need help badly. I've prayed for a place to live where I'd have more peace. Still, I feel SO guilty about moving away. I'll only be living 5 minutes away from them and have offered to help them with laundry, getting groceries, etc...My mom told me she doesn't need or want my help if I move. I know she's hurt, but she has to know that I'd do anything I'm able to do for them. I just want my own life, privacy and a place where I can take a nap if I'm tired or hurting w/out feeling guilty. My mom is now using my dog, who she loves dearly but has never bonded with, against me, telling me how much she's going to miss him, etc... Again, I'm moving 2 miles away...not to another State. I'd really appreciate any feedback on how to handle the guilt. I need my own life. Is that wrong or selfish? Thank you all for being here!
Kathy
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It is always difficult to return to the family home...you are the child forever in your parents eyes. Sounds like a good idea to move out....but, still help out with your parents.
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need more in fo- are parents still livng - why must you move- what is causing ur chronic pain etc.
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