Mother is 83 years old with lots of major health problems and is irritable and rude most of the time...rarely a happy attitude. She can't see well now and I have to fill her insulin needles now. My husband and I have lived with her for 3 years this month and he has been battling prostate cancer the whole three years. And, every time his MD Anderson appointment comes up, we go through a war with my mother about who will stay with her. Now, our newly divorced daughter is living with us until she can get three or four pay checks in order to move into an apartment. She will be here with mother at night. I have several sitters who I have talked to who sat with friend's mothers and planned to call them to arrange daytime sitting. I've explained this to mother. But, she wants one of her elderly friends to stay with her and this friend has health problems herself. My husband told me that this time it is my decision and to go with my plan. Advice?

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Your husband needs you. Your mother will try to manipulate you to feel guilty, and there is no need. You have made good arrangements for her health and safety. Let her complain. Once you are gone, she’ll be cared for and she will know you’ve set a boundaries– good for all. Take care of yourself and your husband.
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Thank you, Carol, for your reply. You are right in what you said. Mother did what she could to make me feel guilty about leaving her with "a strange woman." She said it all..."If you cared about me you wouldn't........,etc." I tried keeping calm and not getting upset, thanks to my husband's encouragement. We left and enjoyed our few days away. The sitter asked me if I would call home everyday and just talk to mother for a minute or two and I did. Everything went well. Now, we plan to ask the sitter to come stay with mother once in awhile. We found this sitter by word of mouth from a family at our church. She sat with their mother. The sitter was looking for someone else to care for and it all worked out so well. Of course, mother has complained about the sitter, but it was that she didn't do much. For three days she fixed mother's breakfast and lunch, washed her clothes and put them away, washed her sheets and changed the bed, helped her take a shower, etc. But, she didn't do anything.... Our oldest daughter is living with us for a few months, so she was here in the evenings and at night to care for mother. Can't wait for the sitter to come back so hubby and I can go out somewhere. This is going to be nice. :)
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