I need to find affordable housing for my parents now before my family is torn apart. Please help!

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I brought my parents to live with my family and I after they ran out of their retirement savings and after mom started to lose her memory. This was a terrible decision and my parents feel like my home is theirs and that I am their child and they can impose their will on me and my family. This is not going well and the strain on my marriage is significant. I cannot find a place for them with less than a 2 year wait in the Fort Myers, Florida area. I need help!

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Call A Place For Mom. They can help you find a place for your parents. Get an Elder law attorney and they can help you apply for Medicaid, if your parents don’t have funds to pay for their care. They can also help you get all of their legal paperwork taken care of. Please don’t feel guilty that you can’t take care of them. I went through that guilt. It wasn’t pretty and I made a few mistakes, but my mom is happier and under better care. My husband and I are repairing our marriage of 25 years, now that she is no longer living with us. Hang in there! Prayers and hugs sent your way!
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to momsrok
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I’m sorry your family is going through so much stress.
Give us a bit more information for better replies.
Have you called Area Agency on Aging for a needs assessment?
Have you looked outside the Ft Myers area?
Where did they live before? Is there a possibility they can return?
Mom has dementia based on your profile. What are your dad’s health challenges?
How old are your parents?
How long have your parents lived with you?
Do they have adequate funds to pay their way if you did find a home for them?
It’s so much harder than we can ever imagine. Hang in there and hopefully we can help you create a plan.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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If mom and dad have no money, don’t bother calling A Place for Mom. They are simply a referral agency for IL, AL, and SNF communities. You can just as easily shop for one yourself (and get a better deal because the community won’t be paying them a big referral fee).
Don’t they have Social Security? Surely, there’s a small ‘regular’ apartment they can afford. Look for places where there are lots of older people. There will be more neighborly involvement and social engagement. Move them and then they’ll be eligible for home care to help with Mom. Don’t sacrifice your family’s wellbeing.
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Reply to IsntEasy
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Unless you want a BIG guilt trip DO NOT call a place for mom. I was flabbergasted that they tried to guilt me that I couldn't afford to help pay for an AL for my dad, I was told it was disgraceful of me to not help pay, when all they offered was 3500.00 monthly places and upwards. Doing my own leg work I found a place for 1300.00 monthly. You may have to get APS involved if the situation is untenable.

Have a talk with them 1st and set boundaries, not easy to do with parents but, it is you and your spouses home and they have been allowed to stay by you spouses Grace and your love, let them know that their behaviour is not going to be tolerated and basically shape up or ship out. The lack of respect for others seems epic in the USA, through all generations.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Sortes:

How did your parents spend their retirement savings?

If they gifted money to anyone, in the last five years, there will be a "lookback" period that will make them ineligible for medicaid.

Whenever agreeing to take care of parents, it is always best to get an elder care attorney involved to advise them on how to handle their money in case they need to go into a facility.
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Reply to Heather10
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Call your Department for Aging if you are looking for subsidized housing which is available for seniors/disabled individuals. They will have to prove financial hardship and their application approved.
Unfortunately there are waiting lists and to my knowledge there is no way to bump to the top of the list. I am looking to move my senior brother from NJ to MD to live closer to me and have been working towards this goal for a long time. He hasn’t been able to move due to the waiting list.
Group home seem to open up vacancies sooner.
If they have money, they can get their own apartment but there won’t be a subsidy.
My brother has a voucher from HUD/now his voucher is regulated by the Dept of Agriculture. It is federal so transferable across states. He is required to do recertification yearly with financial review. He keeps all his receipts for annual recert. To meet the criteria he must prove poverty. 
Otherwise don’t count on immediate placement- it won’t happen.
I even contacted Catholic Charities and the waiting list is longer there (3-4 yrs). Luckily he has a subsidized apartment already but I want him closer to me. He will be 70 this year.
I called A Place for Mom several years ago when my mom was still alive. They only place seniors with financial assets to pay and will provide you with lists of such places. More like Assisted Living, etc. They did not handle subsidized housing applications and told me right off the bat they don’t have Section 8 info. 
Be prepared if you call A Place for Mom as you will get inundated with phone calls from them as they must have contacts with local senior communities, but not for indigents. 
Good luck! 
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Reply to Shane1124
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I don't have an answer but I am in the same situation, the waiting lists are so long it's discouraging, hope is my endurance. Eventually I set down boundaries to regain control of my home and it worked to a degree, it's better than it was while we are waiting for placement.
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Reply to dgibbs
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When I needed a place for my mom I found tons of apartments in Independant living situations. Call caring.com they will give you loads of places for you to go visit, all the ones I found in Florida were reasonable prices rental places that included tv, heat/ac, three meels a day , entertainment , bus to take them to Dr appointments etc ! I have no idea what type of places you are looking at that have such a long waiting list . Check out five star senior living they have places all over Florida
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Reply to Hanson
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sortes, this sounds like like a crisis situation for your parents as well as you and your family. Please call the Florida Dept. of Elder Affairs at 1-800-96-ELDER (1-800-963-5337). You can see what kind of help is provided by this department on its website: http://elderaffairs.state.fl.us/doea/programs.php When you call, you'll probably be asked many of the questions that 97yroldmom asked you 4 days ago. If you also answer those questions on this forum, someone here may also have more ideas for your situation. Based on what you've already said, I doubt your situation is sustainable long-term, but while you're investigating other options, I think following dgibbs' experience of setting down boundaries to regain control of your home may help you some.

But also, know that this move and life-change is probably hard on your parents as well, especially with your mom's loss of memory. Kudos to you and your husband for helping them. It's a difficult time for all of you -- just keep saying to yourself, "I will get through this," while looking for a good, long-term solution.
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Reply to bicycler
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Put your foot down NOW - it's YOUR house and YOUR rules.

Meanwhile, don't both of your parents get social security monthly payments? Does either of them have a pension - albeit a small one? Two SS payments per month should be enough to set them up in a basic one-bedroom apartment. Surely they also have Medicare - which will pay for some in-home care for medications, etc.
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Reply to dragonflower
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