I need time for me, Mom won't cooperate. Any advice?

Good answers. I am naively amazed that this situation comes up over and over. The health POA is reluctant to become involved in the caregiving making it next to impossible for the caregiver to actually take positive steps to provide adequate care. I have come to the realization that I cannot make my mother "happy" with any single action. I can only create opportunities for her to be happy. It is not her, it is the disease. I can try and make sure she is safe and well cared for. No solution I have found has been perfect.

In my opinion, making hard decisions is the responsibility of the Health POA holder. It is also the responsibility of the family to assist and support where ever possible. It sounds like you are doing more than your share of caregiving right now. Your sister needs a reality check and telling her the dates you will be gone and actually leaving sounds like the wake up call she needs. If you are the person that is reluctant to see Mom in permanent assisted living/dementia care perhaps you need to support your sister with that decision. In my experience, people with dementia are unable to think so far ahead as to consider the impact of their decisions and immediate desires on their loved ones. The person stricken with dementia is often so involved with their own woes and ills they really cannot make good decisions with respect to their own care and balance that care against the welfare of others. Again, that is the disease, not your mother.

and...I took care of mom for 71/2 years with little to no support....
Blessings

Hello:
My mom just passed away on Friday. I am an only child and got little to no respite. You must at all cost take respite. You have your husband for support. Think of being on an airplane where they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before you try to assist others. Any opportunity you get for respite you must take at all cost. If not, it is only to your detriment.
Please, take care of yourself, and helpful responses raised valid points. Folks only do to you what you allow.
Blessing and hugs...

If YOU are the caregiver, why does sis have poa? Arrange your vacation and tell your sister what dates you'll be gone. It's her job to arrange for mom's care. It also sounds like your mom is rounding the bend on needing a higher level of care.Tell sis it's time to look into assisted living.

If you are doing the caregiving, why does sister have poa? Without respite, you will no longer be able to care for your mom. That being said, it sounds to me as though your mother needs a higher level of care than one person can provide. Make your vacation plans and tell your sister when you'll be gone. It's HER responsibility to find care for mom. You can only be taken advantage of if you allow it.

I know my mum wont go either shes entitled to a week every six months and refuses to go they become so selfish its hard as you cant make them.