How do I tell my 37 year old that I need some "me" time too?

I agree. Every time you answer the phone after 8PM and/or answer the door when you've told him you want to be alone, you're giving him permission to do exactly what you don't want him to do. Until you establish boundaries as to what you want him to do, and when you want him to do it, he'll do whatever pleases him. Either stop it or keep it going, your choice in the end. Sorry.

"Do I have to hurt someone's feeling to get my point across? These people don't seem to care about my feelings."

Simple answer = yes.

He can't treat you this way without your permission. Stop giving him permission.

Plan your Grocery shopping or other errands on Sunday afternoons when he is there.
Just grab your keys walk out the door and say I knwo you won't miond taking care of things while I quick run to get Mom's Meds refilled see ya later! and GO.
For the Son who always wants to come over during me time?
Plan a bath from 8-9 pm, lock the door and if he insists on knowing what you are doing tell him you are naked.
That ought to send him someplace else to use the computer.

Yup, you have to set boundaries with this son. Since he doesn't get it, you may have to get pretty firm with him and tell him "NO" when he wants to come over. And don't let him in the house in the evening and don't answer his evening calls. He needs to learn that no means no. You have rights and needs too. Stick to your guns!

Hope22 hit the nail on the head. "It's amazing that we have to do everything else then feel bad for hurting someone's feelings"..

You have enough to do already. He's a grown man and you need to put your foot down!

He needs some friends or other means of socializing other than you.

I would just he gets some counseling.

Hope 22 why do you continue to let your brother do this to you? Either answer the phone and tell him you'll call back when your shows are over and HANG UP or tell him you're not answering the phone between certain times and then stick to it. I don't get why you're letting him annoy you so much??

Only you can stop his behavior, since he's evidently incapable of respecting you or your wishes. So it's up to you to respect your OWN right to some quiet time away from your brother whenever you choose.

Hope22, you don't need to address this issue with your brother personally. I have the sense that he's a dominant person and doesn't respect you and the distance you need, just as Raisin's brother doesn't.

Both you and Raisin don't need to treat these people or with kid gloves. You need to develope enough self respect and self confidence to tell them once and then take whatever necessary action you need to to prevent them from doing it again.

Just don't answer the phone - it's that easy. Don't let them in. It's that simple.

I'm not trying to be critical but this might help provide some insight into why these situations fester.

Look at the way Hope describes the situation: Hope, you write that when you criticize him to his face, he becomes "ugly", he called you a "b*tch" (that would have been it for me!), then you say you're sorry. Wrong thing to say.

You acquiesced to him, acknowledging the validity of his accusation without coming right out and saying so. He gains more power over you when this happens.

Then he has the audacity to tell you to stop feeling sorry for yourself?!

It's more than a choice of what the consequences are - I do understand that there are a lot of issues which aren't worth the fighting, but self respect is not one of those issues.

Why do you even allow him in your life? Are the two of you living together? If so, find some other way to live. As long as you're living with him and allow him to dominate you, you're going to continue to suffer from low enough self esteem that he's going to continue to verbally abuse you.

Enough is enough; get some self help books or read about low self esteem and stop this bully from manipulating you.

There was one situation in which my brother and his self-absorbed daughter verbally assaulted me and engaged in menacing behavior. I called the police and asked that my brother and his daughter be removed from the house.

I'm not trying to be critical, insult you, or hurt you. I'm just trying to tell you that you don't have to tolerate this kind of behavior, from anyone.

I dont answer the phone when its family! yep my space my time get lost! my sister will even text frantically and i ignore that too. she asked me why i do this i told her if mum dies youll be contacted if you have to ask why i do this then you dont get sh*t! have sent her numerous emails and links about carerburnout but it aint going in!

I don't understand why these people don't respect caregiver burnout! They refuse to help when asked...I'd rather have a tooth pulled than to ask some of my family for help with mom. The answer is always the same...huh? what? or that stupid dumb facial expression as if you were speaking a foreign language.

Oh noooooo I didn't say I was sorry to him...I blew his behind out of the water and told him not to ever set foot on our property again until he learned to respect me, that i had had all I was going to take off his lazy greedy behind...and the next time he did show up he brought my car (which he had had for over a year promising to bring it back to me).....that's the thing, when he does get ugly with me, with what I have had to deal with off him all these years, it brings it all out...and it is bad...which is why I don't like going there, because I hate that kind of behavior out of anyone...I allow him in my life because he is Mama's pride and joy and when he does not come to see her, SHE suffers, not me...This is a lifelong issue with him and way too involved to address here...but it is not good.... I do NOT have low self esteem...why does not wishing to show my a** on the level he gets equate to having low self esteem....to me it is the opposite....