I need some good advice on taking care of aunt Alice, dementia diagnosed 7yrs ago. Asked 2yrs ago to sign documents but keeps putting off.

What sort (if any) caregivig do your currently provide for your Aunt?

Some casual groceries like you would for a neighbour with an inury?

Or more extensive eg help with home cleaning, arranging maintenance, support for appointments etc?

Sometimes it is assumed the daughter/niece is the best 'caregiver' for those tasks... but no expectation for this to extend to financial matters. I have seen daughters run ragged with chores who were chosen as the 'most helpful' yet a son/nephew or another daughter chosen for financial matters.

While I can see the sense in that.. (an accountant may not make the best bath aide & vice versa!) it would be wise to know where you stand.

Having committed to being The Carer but with no legal/financial ability to back out is NOT where anyone should let themselves be cornered.

It just always makes you wonder, WHY are they being so darn difficult??

I'm thinking of what I'd do with a child. Oh you want me to take you to the store? Not until we get your paperwork taken care of. It sounds kind of mean but sometimes you need to bring people to a teachable moment.

If your Aunt has been formally diagnosed with a Dementia, you can not get a POA at this point. The only thing you could do was get guardianship. This means she is not capable of making informed decisions.

The way you write this, she seems to understand just not doing it. Seven years into a Dementia there's usually a much bigger decline.

If you think she is capable of understanding consequences, I would tell her if she wants these things done it needs to be done now. Because, if she does ever get incapacitated and she has no one set up to handle her care, then the State/Government will step in. You will have no input concerning her care and they will assign a guardian who will take over her money. That person will plan her life and where she will be placed. I am not passed doing a little threatening.

You will need to plant a flag in her producing the paperwork. The reason is YOU are the one that needs to present it to the proper people in order to carry out her wishes. If YOU don't have the docs, you are still powerless -- even if the docs actually exist "somewhere". YOU need to have them in hand asap.

If she still doesn't come up with them or puts you off, you may want to try making an appointment with an elder law/estate planning attorney (any one if she doesn't tell you the name of her existing attorney) for you and Auntie. Tell Auntie the appt is for YOU (this is called a "therapeutic fib"). Have the lawyer explain to the both of you what happens if she doesn't create the proper paperwork and YOU don't have a copy of it, which would allow YOU to manage her care and make decisions on her behalf. If then she is willing to execute the PoA at this meeting, the lawyer will take her aside and privately interview her to see if she is able to comprehend what powers she would be assigning. Even if she has very mild dementia and memory impairment the attorney may deem she still has mental capacity to understand her actions. If she does, you will need to make to make sure that getting the paperwork done right then and there is your prerequisite to continuing to provide her care now and into the future.

Another option (since you say there are no other living relatives to contest anything) is to go to Legalzoom.com or Rocketlawyer.com and download the DPoA docs (and other docs) for her state. Make sure you go through the proper finalization (the website lawyers will guide you) which is usually 2 non-family witnesses signed in front of a notary. Make 2 original documents: one for each of you. This is both inexpensive and convenient. Don't listen to anyone on this forum who insists that you MUST go through an expensive attorney -- you don't need to take that path if there is literally no one else who would contest her PoA. This is what my mom did: she is single and I'm an only child. No one to contest anything.

In the end, if she refuses to come up with documents or sign new ones you may have to work on coming to peace with how things will probably transpire if you have no legal power to advocate for her. You will need to call APS and allow social workers to step in. We did this with my in-laws and it is not the end of the world. My LO got the care he needed and we could carry on our relationship as much as we desired. We just had no insight or control over his affairs. I wish you success!

Tell your aunt she can’t wait until she is in need. It will be too late then and you will have to file for guardianship. The problem with that is it’s expensive and no guarantee you will be given guardianship. It could be assigned to a professional guardian who can move her to wherever.
Personally if your aunt doesn’t trust you now she will most likely be difficult to help. I would pursue guardianship and have it resolved one way or another to enable you to get on with your life.