Follow
Share

My mom passed away 6 yrs ago and I have taking care of my dad since.
In the beginning, he was doing well. A little bit of dementia but he could manage to live in his home, go grocery shopping and care for himself.
Recently, he started complaining about something not right with his lower abdomen every time he tries to get up from a seated position. I couldn't understand what he meant. Well, he took a tumble last week and for some reason crawled from his bedroom into the garage and called for help.
Neighbors called me and 911. I found out he had a UTI and a staph infection which was why he fell. He had to be on IV antibiotics and is now in a facility to help him gain some strength so he can walk again. I went to clean up his house and found out he is not bathing and hasn't been outside around his house in many months. He has old, rotten food mixed in with fresh food.
It was pretty bad and I was shocked that he had fooled me for so long.
He has macular degeneration and cannot see so good and he cannot hear very well.
My question is: I want to let him go back to living on his own but I don't think that would be a good idea. I just don't want to tell him what to do or make him miserable. I am not sure if he should go back home and I think it might be better for him to come and live with my hubby and I,
Is it safe to let him go back home? Will he get better? Should I take his car away? He definitely wants to go home and do what he was doing. I just don't know if that's best. I am also his DPOA.
If anyone has been in this situation, I would love to hear from you.
Thanks so much!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing

5 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
If he is in rehab, have him evaluated for 24/7 care. If its found that he needs it then decisions need to be made. If he has money, place him in a nice Assisted living. If no money then its LTC with Medicaid paying (unless ur state pays for ALs). Or, you take him in and care for him but I would not recommend that.

I would also say that it may take him a while to bounce back from the UTI. This may be the point that Dad will not be able to live on his own anymore. No guarantee he won't now suffer from UTIs and staph is nothing to laugh at. It destroyed my Dads heart valve.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
I’m sorry you’re both in this position. It’s the natural course of events and unfortunately won’t get better. Your dad has demonstrated that he’s unsafe and uncared for trying to make it on his own. This is exactly when POA kicks in, when a person shows loss of making good decisions about self care. He needs either full time help in his home, to move to some sort of assisted living, or to live with you. And a big caution about him living with you, know that it will consume your life to take this own by yourself. His care needs likely exceed what can be sustained by any one person
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
A hard "no" to him going back to live by himself. Please understand that even if he has a recovery to the health level he had prior to his fall, while being "independent" at that time he couldn't take care of himself or his house AT ALL. Why send him back to that? All that would happen is that you would begin orbiting around him on a daily basis, managing everything. It is not cheaper in the long run. You can hire in-home aids, if he accepts them and you manage it all (FYI this makes him an employer in the eyes of the IRS and he/you would need to comply with all withholding taxes and employment laws for his state). Or, you can find a nice place that's local to you and have him transferred directly to AL or whatever level of care he qualifies for. You can tell him a therapeutic fib, that he's temporarily there until the house is "cleaned up" and he can perform his ADLs on his own so that a doctor can approve his "discharge". Whatever it takes to get him here and keep him there. I wish you much wisdom over this decision and peace in your heart with whatever solution is chosen.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
In my case my parents were not fooling me about the sad state of their affairs. They could not take care of themselves or the house. It was dangerous. Mom went into the hospital and after she was discharged I moved her directly to assisted living. Dad joined her a few days later.

You should explore this forum for the experiences of others like me who had to wait for a crisis to move elders. And also read all the sad accounts of people who have tried to move elders into their homes. Some folks can handle it, most cannot.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Hi Blue,

Welcome to the forum.

My uncle who lived to be 96. He also lived alone after my aunt died. He wanted to stay in his home like your dad. His children checked on him as much as they could but they all have full time jobs and families.

My uncle didn’t have dementia but he had mobility issues from Parkinson’s disease. He wasn’t able to cook much. So, he wasn’t eating very much. They become very thin. He got an UTI and it turned septic and he almost died.

My cousins said to him that it was no longer possible for him to remain in his home. He wasn’t happy about their decision. My cousins definitely got some pushback. He said that he would hire someone 24/7 to stay with him. My cousins told him, “Dad, you can’t afford that. 24/7 care is a nursing home.” He came around to the idea that he would be going from the hospital to a nursing home.

Best wishes to you and your dad. Speak with his doctor about his needs. Speak to his social worker. They will help you decide what to do and form a plan.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter