I need help with my mother .....

Your family is your first priority. Mom at 71 and if in decent health needs to find a job to make ends meet. Her spending problems are not yours. My husband is 73 and works full-time ...... I'm retired at 69, but would certainly go back to work if need be. My children would not be responsible for my bad financial decisions. If anyone should feel guilty.....it should be mom. I would put her on notice.....no more handouts!!

And please heed the advise of others....talk with a professional to get your loan debt under control.

Unless disabled, your mother at 71 is still young enough to work, if only part-time. My mom and dad both worked into their late 70’s. My aunt is 83 and works 25 hours a week at a local bakery. Your mother expecting you to give her money that your family needs is not right. Don’t feel bad about not giving her money.

Your family comes first. They are your priority. I’m so sorry she is making these demands.

Tell her that you must take care of your family and she will have to figure it out.

She may get mad but you will feel better knowing that she will no longer be a burden on you financially. You don’t deserve that.

Would it help to have your husband tell Mom that because you are not working, that he cannot afford to give her money. That he needs to support his family. That ur Mom is going to have to live within her means because no more money is coming from him. If he won't do it, then you have to. And add that her getting angry and mad will not change ur circumstances. If she calls and starts, hang up. If u visit and she starts, walk out. If she comes to ur house, escort her out. Its one thing to give parents money to help make ends meet but another because Mom just wants it to spend. She has Dad to support her and her own SS.

I suggest you go to the bank and ask about consolidating you debt. This will give u one payment to the bank. Hopefully, u aren't still charging. You will need somekind of job to catch up. Your salary going towards the debt.

Read up on setting boundaries.

"Mum, I am sorry abut now that I am not working I cannot give you money."

Repeat as needed.

If she rants and raves, leave, hang up the phone etc. You do not standby and take the abuse.

For some of us it is easier to day no to our parents than for others, but there is no rule that you cannot say no to your mother.

There is no rule that you have to take her abuse.

You can say, Mum I would love to meet you for coffee, but if you start asking me for money I am leaving. Do not offer her a ride to the coffee shop.

BTW: Instead of just stopping making payments on your own credit cards, I suggest contacting a credit card counseling service to see if a debt management plan (dmp) would be beneficial. DMPs often involve reduced interest rates (and payments) along with reduced and/or eliminated fees. Some credit card companies will even reduce the amount principle owed from past late fees or interest. Typically under a DMP you make one payment to the counseling agency and the agency makes payments to the credit card companies. DMPs can both reduce your monthly payment and how long it takes you to pay off the debt. They can help your credit rating, even in the short term while you are still paying down the debt.

You may love your mother, but you sure don't like her right now, and I don't blame you! If it were me, I'd tell her to STOP calling me until she had something motherly to say, and until she can STOP asking you for money & EXPECTING it!! No mother should ever ask her daughter for money, especially one who's struggling financially and is pregnant.

The purpose of your life is not to fund your mother's compulsive shopping addiction. What a shame your mother is taking such advantage of you.

Let her know the gravy train has dried up. Permanently.

Best of luck!

If you are giving to your mother, then you are robbing your family. Your family is and must be your first concern, your first responsibility. After your family is safe and cared for (I would include saving for schooling for your kids in that) then it is your own time for a few vacations, and saving for retirement. You deserve that. You will need that so as not to burden your OWN children.
If you are going backwards to supporting the generation BEFORE you then you are robbing your family and that's a grave concern. Your parents may not have saved enough for their age, and that is sad and that is a hard thing, and often it is honestly no fault of their own. However it CERTAINLY is not YOUR fault, not is it for you to fix.
They must now get by the best they can. If you are able, then a few bags of groceries when you go to a Costco or Big Lots or Walmart would be great. It would be a kind thing. It would be a gift. It would be wonderful. BUT if you are not able to, if it is robbing YOUR family of their ability to survive and to save for necessities, then it is not something you should do.
Our inadequacies to make life perfect for all involved with us, to make it certain and without any concerns, lays heavy on all our shoulders. But not everything can be fixed, not everything can be made right, and it comes down to priorities. I am sorry as I can be that your Mom doesn't have all she feels she must have. But I am just a tiny ticked that she thinks that you should take from your own family to support her.
There is a story out there about an eagle that carries its babies to safety over floods and stormy seas. "When I am old and weak, says the eagle, and you have a family of your own, will you promise to carry me to safety in just this way?" and the baby eagle responds : "Yes, Dad, I will".
The eagle promptly drops the baby into the raging waters.
Because it's a wrong answer.
The baby eagle should have said "I will carry my babies to safety, father, just as you now carry me. And if there is anything left in my wings I will come back to rescue you as well".
So, like the eagles, know your priority. I will not say that it doesn't/won't/shouldn't HURT that you cannot have plenty for all. It shows your good heart that it DOES hurt you so. That's OK. You can shoulder the hurt, and you can go on. Life can be very tough.
Tell your Mom that you love her. That you wish you had more than love to give her now, but you do not. I am so sorry for your pain. But be the Eagle mother. You are responsible to carry your babies to safety. It is CLEAR to me that if there is anything left in your wings you will come back for Mom. And she will likely crab at you all away across the raging waters.

Jenny,
Everyone needs to learn to live on their own income. Throwing money at the problem is often hurting rather than helping.

There is no reason you should be giving money to your mother.
Your family's income should go to supporting your own nuclear family, and paying off your debt. Financially, it is not sustainable to support anyone else. It would serve you well to stop using credit at all, and seek credit counseling.

You can help your Mom in other ways. Try signing her up for a senior food bank.
And any other resources for low income seniors. Attend classes at the senior center to learn how to improve her spending habits.

No guilt, no shame. Almost everyone goes through difficulty with finances over their lifetime. If she has debt, help her sign up for credit counseling. Maybe finding more affordable housing for her would help.

Look at your own debt as a challenge and a time to learn for the future.
It can be done. It makes no sense to be giving money away by charging on a credit card.

You keep coming back, people here can tell you how to say NO. If Mom persists in this towards you, you may need to learn about narcissists and how to say NO to them.

My husband and I no longer spend money on gifts. We had such a low income, my generous brother would send $100 for holidays and gifts. I asked him to stop sending money. We never go hungry.

Jenny, I’m appalled by this. I’m 72, my own daughter is also Jenny, and I sincerely hope that she would have the guts to tell it to me straight if I even thought of pulling your mother’s tricks. I suppose the moral is never to ‘help out’ regularly so that it gets to be an expectation. I can’t imagine how you still manage to say ‘I love her dearly’. Three comments: First, can you talk to your Dad about this? If he is more reasonable, he may be able to reign in your mother. He may even be angry himself at her implication that he is unable to provide for his own wife adequately. Second, if that fails, bring things to a head. Tell your mother that she is greedy, selfish, and a stupidly bad money manager. It’s all true. Say you won’t go along with it any more, then walk out. She may well say that you are a ‘horrible person’, but you won’t be there to hear it. Give it time for the message to sink in, and then try to get back onto workable terms. Third, for heavens sake let yourself off the hook emotionally. You are ‘right’ in feeling that this is not the way it’s supposed to be, and ‘wrong’ in blaming yourself in any way. Blame the termites! Offer to share them with her! Look after yourself, your husband, your children and the one in your tummy! Surely that’s enough for any woman to cope with! (As well as enough exclamation marks!)