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Hello My name is Joshua and I am 17. I need some ones help and advice desperately. You see my mom has always been their for her parents. My grandmother her mom was abusive to all of her kids. My two uncles don't talk to one another and have their own problems from their child hood, my aunt is a textbook definition of a narcissist, and my mom has had her own emotional damage being picked on and abused the most by my grandmother. Anyways my mom always helped her parents. My mom would come over and help my grandfather with physical labor while my aunt (who by the way was living with my grandparents rent and utility free) would sit and do nothing to help around the house. I even at the age of 4 and 5 would do my part. I loved my grand father so much because he was the father I never had. I had to watch him slowly descend into despair through Pixes Disease. The man I loved so much and the one who protected me from my grandmother's abuse had died in a coma when I was in 5th or 4th grade. It was like losing a father. The worst part was he would cry for my grand mother when he was in a nursing home for about 4 months before he died, and she never came to see but once. My aunt would walk in sign the guest sheet and would leave. When my grandfather died my mom and I moved into our current home to take care of my grandmother. We then and still to this day pay half on every unitlity, grocery, and the house payment. My grandfather, grandmother, and my two uncles all wanted my mom and I to have the house, so my mom was put on the deed. My grandmother ever since we moved in, back when I was in 5th or 4th grade has been a nightmare. We have had to move out of the house several times. The first time we moved over to my aunts and then she took all my moms money and other belongings. My grandmother was acting all sad that we left so we returned. Things were fine for about a year or two and then she went off her rocker. She calls me names like "bast***" because I was born out of wedlock, "leach", a "lair", and much much more. She will even push me some times. I will cry some times because I don't get it. I try so hard to take care of her but she treats me so badly. One day she is nice the other she is mean. She always thinks my mom and I are conspiring agents her and she thinks people are in the house and do stuff to her. She falls all the time and i pick her up. Some times while I pick her up she makes fun of me or calls me names. When I tell here no one is in the home she calls me a liar and does not believe me and gets mad. About two years ago she hit my mom in the face and we moved out. About two months later my aunt cohurest my grandmother out of our home and told the police my mom was put on the deed of the home ileagly. This was not true and proven not to be true, but my grandmother abandon the home for 2 months. My mom moved her and our selves back into the home and my mom paid for the moving expenses, the money to catch up the house, and the penalty for breaking our lease. Things went good for about a year and the same things started once more. This time my mom had enough and told here that scene my aunt was involved and you have no respect for me and my son let her take you shopping and you stay on your side of the house and we will stay on ours. You see our home has two living rooms one on each end of the house. My grandmothers master bedroom is connected to one living room and my and my moms rooms are connected to the other living room. The kitchen is in between the two living rooms. So it naturally splits the house in two. She how ever did not do this. She would walk over onto our side of the house and call me names and start trouble. One time she sat down next to me and said hi whats up, she replied with nothing i'm just trying to aggravate you. Then my aunt after a month of talking to my grandmother wrote up a false TPO (using her counseling experiance) saying my mom abuses my grandmother and my grandmother not knowing what it said signed it. I was kicked out of my home under false pretenses for about 4 months. The judge at our hearing knew my aunt and did not let my mom or any of our charactare witnesses speak, just my aunt with no evidence, proof , or witnesses of abuse. He extended the TPO for a year. During the first months of my mom and I being gone my aunt made my grandmother abandon the house once agean and while living with my aunt my grandmother would be forced to clean and cook. My grandmother says she felt bad and after a family friend talked to her she met me at the court house and the TPO was dissolved. We are all now back in the house me, my mom, and grandmother, and things are starting up once more. She calls me names, is paranoid people are in the house doing stuff to her, saying nonsense, and falling. What do you thing my grandmother is doing and what can I do to stop this craziness and give my mom and I a peaceful live and my grandmother the help she needs.

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As an experienced home schooler with 3 fully homeschooled kids who have gone on to college, Josh, you are welcome to ask me questions through PM. You may even want to make it a private PM.

I've worked with kids in school and home schooled, and sadly, the problems for those in similar situations are not easily solved by going to the school counselor. You would think that's what counselors do all day, but let's put it this way - I have no desire to work in a place where my hands are tied as to what I can and cannot do. Just about the only thing a school counselor can do in this situation is to listen and call child protective services with a report of actual physical abuse. That's not apparent here.

The best route, absolutely best, is to talk to your priest and ask him to help you find a way to college away from home. There you will have access to actual therapists where you can take lessons on how to deal with difficult people.

I'm proud of you for being proactive here and looking for a way to better your situation. Graduating early is a great idea! Is there any way you might be able to be dual enrolled for the fall term and have the state pick up the cost of that first semester? Then you would not have a gap between your graduation semester and the beginning of college in the spring term.
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Exactly Cmagnum. I was just about to post this. As a minor you can utilize their services.
Who is your teacher at home? Does a tutor come in? Just wondering as you said your mom works all day.
As stated above you need to get out of this situation- can you enroll back in public schooling?
It’s commendable that you have goals for your future to create a career for yourself.
Keep us in the loop & good luck!
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Why not call child protective services and tell them about your situation?
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Could you be emancipated and live somewhere else?
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Why doesn't your mother move out of this abusive situation?
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It is understandable that you find it normal because that is what you are familiar with, but it is not. Too bad that you did not tell a teacher or a school counselor while you were in public school. I hope you escape that environment soon and get some professional help.
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Thank you all so much for the support, all the insight you all have given me is very helpful. One thing though I do need to clarify is about the home schooling. I have only been home schooled sense 10th grade. preschool-9th grade I have been in the public school system. I was a boy scout, i was in NJROTC, and other school programs. I do understand on a level that my situations is unhealthy, but I do find my self finding it normal. To be honest I want to graduate early to go to collage right away (I want to work in medical field). But again thank you for the insight and if you have more please share more.
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I want to reiterate what someone else told you

"I understand that it is your normal, but that does not make it ok."

You have grown up in an abusive family, just as your mother grew up in an abusive family. You probably can't see how abusive it has been because it is all you have ever known, and being home schooled means that you aren't even out with kids your own age learning about a different way of life from them. Please understand, your grandmother is mentally ill and there is nothing you can do to fix her. YOU can learn to set health boundaries that help preserve your dignity, but first you need to learn the difference between dysfunctional and normal. If you were in school there would be counsellors to help point you in the right direction, being home schooled makes it more difficult. When you go to find out about programs to help your grandmother I think you should also ask the priest to help you find someone for you to talk to about your family, a social worker or a therapist.
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Joshua
So glad you are doing well in school. What are your plans for next January?!! Exciting times for you.
DO NOT plan on staying at home taking care of GM. The only acceptable way for you to stay home is by continuing your education and/ or working and paying your own way. You and mom will need to figure out who will take over your job of giving GM pills and cooking for her etc while you get your own life going.
Good idea to talk to your school counselor. Joshua if you could get some therapy for yourself you could learn more skills on how to redirect GM when she is acting out.
Look up Teepa Snow on UTube and see if what she says seems like how your GM acts. I’m assuming She doesn’t act like this when she goes to the dr. Have your mom call ahead and tell the dr what is going on with her before she goes in.
Read about hallucinations.
I wanted to tell you how happy I am that you had such a wonderful role model as your grandfather in your formative years. Hang onto that as you go through life. It is a puzzle in life how a really sweet person often seems to be married to one who is considered on the sour side.
It sounds like your GM brain is broken. It could be she has had a mental disorder all her life. Keep reading and learning. Sometimes the only way you can help is to step away and let the need escalate until she gets help. Let us know how things are going.
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Joshua, you need to be in school. You need to be with people your own age, not caring for your grandmother. There is far more to school than taking classes and getting grades. Interaction with other young people, flirting, sports, having fun, dances, team projects, community building are all important aspects of an education.

Your family situation is not healthy for you or your mother. I understand that it is your normal, but that does not make it ok.
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You home school yourself at home by yourself? I thought the parent had to be present for home schooling?

I hope that your meeting with your pastor is productive.
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Well I am actually home schooled. Honestly I should have said that in the beginning. I am home schooled for the mere fact A. I wanted to graduate early and B. to take care of my grandmother. I am actually making an opiontment to talk with my local pastor about this. You see my local pastor was close with my grandfather. My Grandfather he was a strong Catholic being of French-Canadian decent. But my point is I am going to talk to him about what I should do and if he or the church knows of any local programs.
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Who takes care of her while your mother is a work and you? Does adult protective services understand that the two of you are gone most of the day? I wonder what child protective services would think of your situation with your grandmother? Have you talked with anyone at school like a teacher or a school counselor about this?
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Thank you for your responses so far. My mom tries her best in the situation, she leaves for work at 5 in the morning and dose not get home until around 4 in the afternoon. When she gets home she takes over and helps me with her. Still she acts out and still calls me names and is generally very mean to me and my mother. My mom bathes her and helps her with her evening pills. We have tried talking to elderly protective but scene my grand mother says she dose not want to go into a home, they said we are pracicly powerless. I how ever do not think that is true, that is why I am trying to go through other venues like this for help. As far as school goes I am doing great and I am on track to graduate a semester early this December.
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Hi Joshua, I'm sorry I couldn't read through your whole post so I skipped to the end. How are you doing in school? At 17 you should be thinking about getting good grades and moving on to college, a trade school or stepping out on your own soon. Despite being asked to shoulder responsibilities beyond your years you are still a kid and probably powerless to change your family dynamic, IMO you shouldn't even try.... not your circus, not your monkeys.
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Joshua, at 17, you are still a child and thus have no business taking care of grandmother who sounds like she needs a nursing home. Why isn't your mother doing more in this situation?
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