Dad and 91 year old Mom live alone in their own home. His delusions focus on Mom and are painful for her to hear. He has always been stubborn, but is pretty argumentative now. He refuses any testing or medication because he believes there is nothing wrong. What’s my next step? Mom’s doc gave her anti-depressants to help her cope. I’m stuck and trying to support them emotionally is wearing me out. I live in CA and they are in VA. Help!
I do think that this needs to be taken care of ASAP or else instead of one patient (your Dad) you are going to have two (Mom and Dad). Even with an antidepressant, she is too old to be dealing with this on an ongoing day to day basis.
I’ve written oodles more on other replies and I’m guessing no one wants to read it all again. I wrote a very long reply to xrayjodib if you are interested. I acknowledge that partly I needed to be heard. Thanks for doing that.
This may come down to your needing to travel to Virginia to assess this situation if there is no other family there, or asking APS for a wellness check on your parents. So sorry. All of this is made so much more difficult with the distance factor. I wish you the best.
I drove from CA to VA in January (not willing to fly yet) so I could see what could be done, have a meeting (parents and me) with the doc and to support Mom. That’s why I found this forum to seek help.
What is APS? Dad is unlikely to do anything willingly or to discuss what he feels is a private matter - meaning that he feels Mom’s behavior in his delusions is something just the two of them should discuss, so he can help her with her problem. He told me that. So I wonder how they do an eval in those circumstances and what to do with the information. I wrote a lengthy reply to xrayjodib but in shorter form - Dad is pretty functional for a 90 year old. He does have dementia but it’s fairly mild so far, with only short bouts of being really lost. So it’s the delusions and their effect on Mom that I’m focused on.
I appreciate your kindness in the rest of your reply and perhaps I am being sensitive to what may have been said with no bad intent. If so, my apologies.