Follow
Share

Ok first a little background on me and the situation..... I take care of my grandma 24 hours a day for 5 days straight. Then I get two days off one of which her son comes to stay with her and the other her daughter stays then I come back. Lately I've notice my grandmas stomach is so huge when I first come in and her daughter barely says bye cuz she takes off so quickly. Within minutes of her leaving my grandma is screaming about needing to get to the bathroom. For the first day or two when I come back she has huge accidents everywhere and is very demanding and violent. She has Alzheimer's and dementia along with incontinence. I know her daughter spoils her and doesn't make her do a dang thing which I think is why she gets violent towards me since I make her do what I know she is capable of doing. I can tell by the size of my grandmas stomach that she hasn't gone #2 since I left. I'm starting to wonder if her daughter is giving her extra laxatives or other meds to get her to go poop right before she leaves. I've asked her repeatedly not to spoil grandma so much since it takes me two days to snap her outta the lethargic but violent mannerisms. She laughs it off n says "yea right. She doesn't remember that I spoil her. There's no way she acts like that on purpose or cuz of me." Grandma's sons wife is in charge of her medication and leaves a container of her meds already sorted by morning evening of each day. The meds are never the same and I know her daughter takes out certain ones or adds others according to what they think she needs. None of them are here longer then a day so how would they know what she needs or doesn't. Every doctor visit my grandma has is always scheduled on my days off. Is this even legal? I'm seriously going to hide cameras to see what's going on. My grandma is not at all as full of life with them that she is with me. Night n day difference. I have to work harder every week to get her back to our routine n I'm beyond frustrated with everyone involved!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
You have involved others in the care of your Grandmother. Rightly so because 24/7 is impossible. But you are experiencing problems after their care, as you enumerate so well.
Firstly, you cannot change others. You already proved that to us and to yourself, again as you tell us so well.
For myself I would try one more time. I would meet with both caregivers and tell them what you are finding, grandma with a large stomach, then severe diarrhea it takes you days to address. No accusations as to what or why, and I would leave out all the emotional junk, as that will NEVER change and muddies the real issue. I would tell them gently that you so appreciate that they help you in the care of grandmother as you could not otherwise continue for a week. Then I would say "But currently I am spending two days of my five in a real serious problem and I am now questioning how much longer I can humanly go on. I need to tell you that I am seriously thinking that Grandma has to be placed, because I can't do this any more. I need to tell you now, so that you can be aware that this is a fact, so that you will not be surprised when faced with having to either care for grandma full time so I can have my life back, or our placing her as safely as we are able". They will argue, fight, deny. Simply smile and listen and repeat the above. This isn't argument. This is facts.
Because truthfully, I think that is what you are looking at. Now, mind you, I don't expect this to have any more affect on them than you previous attempts already had. That is to say "nothing; it will make no difference". But I think the truth is that you may be coming to the end of being able to care for Grandma. I think, moreover, that as her grandchild you do have a right now to your own life. And I think that under your complaint you are seeing the tip of the iceberg of that truth.
I wish you luck. I have no expectations that anything I said above will help at all, but I SURELY do wish a person good as yourself all the good luck in the world.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter