I need help. What do I do?

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Hello,

I'm a 24 year old newlywed who became responsible of my 90 year old grandmother 3 months ago when my grandfather got hit by a car in November. I've searched for guidance in this process, but seems like I'm running around in circles. It's just me and my husband and for this reason it's been very difficult. We're doing the best we possibly can but sometimes I fell she'd be better off in a facility that can provide the care she needs. I do everything with my heart but I don't have the knowledge to handle this disease, and it becomes extremely difficult and stressful at times. I don't know if I can deal with the guilt of placing her in a facility that can help, but at the same time I had to stop working, school and even had to turn in my car. I'm lost, really lost. She's always been there for me, raised me and guided me, It's always been me and her since I was born. I feel it's my turn to do the same for her yet there are so many other factors. I'm open to any advice. Also, I don't know how to go about having her legal custody in order to manage her Dr. appointments and finances.

Please Help,

Bianca

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My soon to b 91 year old father has early dementia/alheizemers. I live in Cali, he lived in Florida. I flew there and brought him back w/me. He is under the impression that he is here for a visit. We told him finally that he is here for two months.....but asks everyday when his trip home is scheduled for! He is adamant that he can live alone. He is very thin, but since I have had him he has gained 8 pounds! How and wbast can I do to make him stay????? He does not speak english, and has short term memory loss, how in the world would he even get back??? We cannot alloew this. Should we confront him or keep up the vacation facade?
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Bianca. Denied Medicare? Is she over 65? Or do you mean Medicaid?
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Thank you all for your advice. I truly feel like I'm running in circle and little pieces of advice like these help a lot ( more than you imagine). I know what I have to do for her well being, unfortunately I ran into yet another wall because we can't afford it and she was denied medicare. I'm fighting to find the reason why and solve it. Because of these comments I was motivated enough to go out and find the best facility for her, now all I have to do is figure out how we're going to pay for it. It's been very difficult but I know God will give me the strength to keep moving and do what's best for her.

Thank you all xoxo
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I am sure your grandmother did everything she could to do what was best for you as you were growing up. You love her, and you want to do what is best for her, too. With dementia that may mean letting professionals provide some or most of her day-to-day care. You continue in your role as loving granddaughter. You are her comfort, her advocate, and her connection to the outside world. But it may be best for her if she has professional care while you get on with your life, including her as much as possible but not tying your entire life to hers.

Your grandmother worked hard to bring you to a point where you could function independently. All good parents look forward to seeing their children leave the nest and build a life of their own. If your grandmother were in her right mind, do you really think she would approve of you dropping school, giving up work, and not having a car? Isn't that the opposite of what she worked hard to enable?

Guilt pretty much goes with the territory when you are a caregiver. If you manage to keep her home and she falls or has minor or major disasters, you will feel guilty that you didn't find a care center for her. If you find a good center you will feel guilty that you aren't doing everything yourself. Try to push the guilt way to the back of your mind, and do you best to make objective decisions that are best for Grandmother.

Best of luck.
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Bianca, I couldn't imagine the stress and struggles that you are going through, all of us wants to provide care to our loved ones one way or another, but there is only so much we can do. Her condition, having Alzheimer's would require special the help of professionals,there are caregivers who have specific training for people with Alzheimer. Does your grandmother have the resources to fund her long term care needs? I know you are doing your best to provide her with the best possible care, however, her condition require her to be in a proper treatment in a particular long term care settings so she can get the appropriate care and medical supervision she needed. You need to talk with an elder care lawyer so you can have legal custody, the lawyer can provide you with better advice on what is the best thing to do. If she have long term care insurance, then call the insurance company so they will cover her expenses, otherwise, you can check on other government/federal long term care programs in your area.

For the meantime, you may be able to cope with her condition by learning more about the disease. It would be better to treat her the way you would treat a healthy individual.

Maybe you can check on this for a better understanding of Alzheimer's and how to cope with it: www.infolongtermcare.org/long-term-health-care-seniors/diseases-in-elderly/what-is-alzheimers-disease/

Best of luck..
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poor you and you are so young! the hardest part of this is when they become aggressive its like you dont know this person anymore. This disease progresses until they need 24/7 care its not what we want for them but its the only solution as its no possible to cope on your own like this.
You love your grandma and youre doing everything to help her but now it may be time to let the professionals take over I know this is hard but it comes to us all you need to first get POA and start looking for a good NH that specialise in Als. My neighbours dad is in a home now over a year and hes happy and comfortable the family visit everyday and the staff are brilliant.
You need to speak to her doctor and tell him you are not coping its the hardest decision anyone of us will have to make!
Big Hug!
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Bianca, your grandma was there for you, certainly. Did she send you to school? Did she take you to a doctor when you were ill?. We honor our elders by getting them the level of care that they need. My mothe (and I suspect your grandma) are beyond the level of care that we can provide. We mortals can provide meals, comoanionship after work, laundry, but not the level of vigilance and care that an alzheimers patient requires. My mother worked her butt off caring for her mom 40 years ago. Missed the signs of early pneumonia (my little brother brought home the flu) and grandma died in hospital of gangrene due to poor circulation. My mom is in a nh. Blood tests 2 weeks ago said something was amiss after her nurses noticed she seemed not quite herself. They got her to hospital before the pneumonia got entrenched. She's getting much better care at nh than I could give her at home. Find a good facility and enjoy visiting and being the best advocate you can be!
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I'm sorry she has Alzheimer's disease , I'm not sure what stage exactly since I'm now doing all of the Dr. appointments for her but she's at the stage where she doesn't recognize anyone but me (strangely enough she know exactly who I am 90% of the time) and feels lost, she doesn't sleep at night mostly because she's very scared and she gets aggressive ( occasionally ).

Thank you :)
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Bianca, what disease? Does she have dementia? Post back soon.
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Bianca, can you give a little more information about Grandmother? What are her impairments? What kind of help does she need? Can she feed herself, use the toilet on her own, walk, etc. Is she living with you? In her house or yours?

With a little more background you will probably get more specific responses.
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