I'm wondering if an Elder Law Attorney can give me guidance on how to handle my sister's two 'wayward' sons (ages 39 & 43, who are single, and in constant credit card debt) and her ex of 20 years, their father. My sister, age 73, gave me DPOA 2 years ago when she was diagnosed with AD. Shortly after that, her ex talked my sister into 'sharing' her ROTH/IRA with their two sons because since he helps their sons out financially he thought she should 'match' his contributions to them, particularly since 'they could use the help'! (plus, there would be no tax consequences for my sister.) I was furious!! We have longevity in our family and my sister could live another 10-15 years, and she may need every last penny to pay for AL (where she is now), MC, and Nursing Care. Has anyone out there worked with an Elder Law Attorney in a similar situation and drawn up some kind of contract that was sent to the family 'leeches'? My sister has moved to our home state, and is selling her home, and I'm afraid her sons and her ex will again start asking her to 'share' her profits. I'd like to 'nip this in the bud' before the house sells. Thanks! DM

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So, you're not attempting to do anything about the swag they've already wheedled out of her, you just want to make sure it doesn't happen again, yes?

Two years in from her AD diagnosis, where does she score on the mental capacity issue? I'm just thinking that if the time is right, and you were now able to take over the financial controls, her children's and ex's demands will cease to be a problem because she won't be able to give them her money; and at some point you're going to have to do that anyway.

When you discussed what happened previously, how did she feel about it? Is she going to be anxious or upset about not "sharing" or will she be relieved if you can protect her from exploitation?

What kind of terms are you on with the ex and your nephews? If it's still at the bud stage, and you're not actually at daggers drawn with them, then spelling out Medicaid lookback rules + mental capacity rules + DPOA responsibilities might be enough to warn them off. Plus "not being a lowlife" rules, I forgot to mention.
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Reply to Countrymouse

Scroll down to the bottom of this page and select Elder Law Attorneys. Scroll down again on the next page and at the bottom you will see a list of states. From there select a city.
You can also go to the NAELA website
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Reply to MACinCT

This might "hinge" on if she was diagnosed before or after she was "talked into sharing" her retirement savings.
I hope you have found an Elder Law Attorney and can get this reversed.
And I might even go to the extent of charging them with Financial Abuse
You might also want to consider obtaining Guardianship to protect her further.
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Reply to Grandma1954

A “contract” has to have an exchange of something of value for something else of value for all involved and all agree to. That’s not the situation your sister is in as you described it.

Your sister has chosen to give $ to her sons or ex, that was her choice. Not the best long range use of her $, but her choice. Unless you can clearly show she was forced to pay them, they will say she wanted to do this and consider it as a gift.

The only way imo to get real & total control of her finances would be to establish that she is not competent & cognitive to manage her finances (with a medical evaluation detailing her situation done by an geriatric neurologist MD in her new parish or MDs within the gerontology dept. of LSU health system) so that you can file to become her legal guardian and be appointed guardian by a judge. The elder law attorney can let you know what steps to take and what prior actions need to be presented to the court. This site has a list of elder law attorneys at the bottom of the home page you can use as a resource.
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Reply to igloo572

What part of Louisiana do you live? If you live near Shreveport, I know a good one.
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Reply to Heartsick2

Go to and they can help you find a certified elder law attorney in your area.

Yes, they can help protect her money. At this point duress to get her money is considered financial exploitation of a vulnerable senior and prosecutable.

You go lady and protect your sister from these unethical, immoral leeches.

Hugs and prayers to you.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal

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