I need advice. Should I talk to mom about what happened?

Just give it time; don't talk to her about anything right now as the hospital delirium tends to stick around until the elder is out of the hospital and rehab, if she's going there for a few weeks. There's no point in talking about anything that matters b/c she's likely not to remember it anyway. Wait until she's back home and then see if she's still convinced her DIL and GD did something awful to her; THEN sit her down & have the conversation with her that those things did not really happen & were just a bad dream. I'd be surprised if she doesn't forget all about it, truthfully, once she's back home in her normal environment.

My mother had the same issues when she was hospitalized with pneumonia for a week and then went to rehab for 3 weeks afterward. The hospital delirium was off the charts and awful to witness. After getting released from rehab, she got back to her old self in pretty short order.

Wishing both of you the best of luck moving forward.

I agree with lealonnie1, and maybe you should consider contacting those relatives to give them a heads-up just in case your mom talks about it to them or other family members. You don't have to go into specifics, but maybe something along the lines of, "The anesthesia and prescription pain meds caused a temporary cognitive side effect so if Mom says anything that doesn't make sense, it's probably that, but she's getting better."

I’m sorry your going through this.

After my moms stroke she was not really alert for 2 months.
Mix stroke recovery and healing with new medications - UTIs and the trauma she endured - she had so many weird things she would say.

It took her time to go through them and place them or make resolve with them. She now works with neuropsychologist for talk therapy. He is explaining a lot to her so she can learn more about her injury and what the brain can do and it is also helping me.

You can request one while in the hospital come Eval and maybe can help guide you going forward. When mom did have severe delirium once - a neuropsychiatrist did follow her case and stop and check in throughout her stay - so maybe request to speak with them. Best wishes

NewandTrying
Just chiming in to say my mom went through the same thing. It was horrible yet fascinating at the things she came up with and had absolutely no memory of later.
She did remember that she had a bad reaction but not the specifics. My mom did not have dementia.

My aunt, who has dementia, in early days, would latch onto a false memory and want to share it with everyone. I decided to ignore her comments when she did this with one story in particular and discouraged her from sharing it with others. My idea was that the retelling was reinforcing it in her memory. She finally quit telling it on a daily basis but it was so real to her that every once in awhile she will start to bring it up and stop if I’m in the room.
Why she can remember a false memory but not something from her real life is such a conundrum. I know this isn’t hospital delirium but just wanted to mention she might be reinforcing her experience by retelling it.

Without the trauma of a broken hip, hospitalization, or surgery, my hubby decided my cousin stole his mom's turkey platter last Thanksgiving. Even though we've shown him the platter numerous times he still believes it.
Not knowing this, when my sister stayed with him while I went on a quilting retreat, she invited my cousin come over. For 2 weeks after I got back, he went around looking for all the other things she stole. I'm dreading this Thanksgiving.

I would wait until she has more clear days than not.
But if she mentions it and gets upset I would address it sooner.
I would tell her that it was the medication that made her see, hear things.
Please tell daughter-in-law and granddaughter about the delusion and that they should not be upset and if it means keeping the peace and making things better, easier they may need to “apologize” to make mom feel better. This is one time when pick your battles may be important to soothe mom

I agree with the others and just give this time -- a lot of it.

I was (relatively) young and healthy when I had back surgery at age 46, and I swear, my brain didn't work properly for a solid month after that anesthesia. (And it made me lose a ton of hair to boot!)

An older person will take much longer to bounce back, so just wait it out, warn the DIL and granddaughter what's going on, and play it by ear.

My dear MIL had the delirium happen in hospital after surgery, and yes it’s really upsetting for everyone. If your mother persists in this false memory, I’d suggest that when you talk to her, you tell her other things she ‘saw’. And/ or tell her that other people have had the same experience and ‘this is what they thought had happened’. It might be easier for her to grasp if it isn’t just a denial of this one thing. My MIL saw snakes climbing up the walls, and used bad language I didn’t know she even understood. Perhaps you could start with that!

I think you need to play a wait and see game - perhaps asking those she has the delusion with to stay away for a few weeks (it is no doubt a lot easier to explain to them than it is to her).
Hospital delirium can last days, weeks, months or even be permanent so I think your 2 days is a very short period to expect total recovery even if this is going to happen. Try being patient for a while and assuming she will improve. If she does then she will lose this delusion anyway (or you will be able to talk about it sensibly with her), id she doesn't then I doubt you are going to be able to discuss it logically and making an decision on how the daughter - in - law and granddaughter and going to handle seeing her or not going forward is better had with them. Best wishes for hopefully a not too long recovery.

Yes, talk to her about it but, is there and chance that you'll find out it really did happen and she was too embarrassed or afraid to mention it before?

My mom had a few of these episodes where she would tell me something that seemed like they were delusions. In one case, she told me that my Dad's minister came to pick her up for a luncheon at a friend's house (this was supposed to happen) and when they got there, it was too icy to get out of the car. When the minister brought her home, she told my Mom that she didn't visit her more often because Mom was Catholic and the minister said this in a very mean way. I couldn't believe this happened and didn't know what to do. Mom continued to bring it up for months which really made me wonder. It clearly upset her but I wasn't ready to confront the minister because I didn't know if it was true! I finally suggested that maybe it was a dream that seemed very real. Over time, if she started to tell me about it again, she would say it probably was a dream and would move on. About a year later, we saw the minister at a funeral and I made a point of bringing Mom over to talk to her - all seemed OK - no hint of the "incident" and Mom didn't bring it up again.

Another time, when Mom was in MC, she was frantic because she said one of the other residents kept coming in her room. I could believe this but then she said this resident would go through Mom's stuff and ended up putting her things in Mom's closet. I looked but didn't see anything so I guessed this was another delusion. Well - when Mom had to move to another facility and I cleaned her things out - guess what? I found a bag of this woman's things - stuffed in the back of the closet! From then on, I would look into the things she said and address them if it was needed. Sometimes, they were true (or at least partly true) and I didn't want to chance dismissing something that was upsetting to her.

Maybe they really told her she stinks and forced her to take a bath and it happened longer ago and her chronology is just off. That's still not a reason for her to be "finished with them". Some folks when they get dementia or depressed or what not, hygiene goes out the window. It's true that she needs to bathe and that if she doesn't then she will smell and look bad and could get infections and what not so even if they did this, she needs to hear that they just love her and want her well. No one enjoys giving an old lady a bath so there's a lot of love in what they did (unless she's saying they beat her up or something - which I didn't hear in this at all). I would focus more on that they weren't trying to shame her and instead were trying convince her by telling her all the truths of why she needed the bath so she can hopefully now see why she shouldn't be mad at them.

BUT that may not work either and if not, just move on with other parts of the day and not dwell on it and hopefully she will let it go. If not, that's not your responsibility or fault that she continues to feel as she does. Just move on.

No. Just comfort and assure her that you and nurses will protect her.

When - and if - she is more lucid, then you can talk to her about her hospital experiences. If she goes into the scenario that she believes happened, say "I know this didn't happen, because..." and fill in the blank with something true every time. Tell her she might have had a bath she didn't want from some of the hospital staff that reminded her of these family members. After that, divert her attention to another topic so she doesn't reinforce this "memory" in her brain.

My mother remembers nothing, I mean nothing, about breaking her hip, hospital, rehab…. I suggest the sidestep/changing the subject techniques.

To avoid a rift in the family, speak with the folks your mother believes harmed her so they know she was not coherent at the time and may not be able to release that false impression due to the medication-induced delirium. As your mother recovers from that bout of delirium, try to help her understand the medication confused her brain; engage her doctor to explain what happened to her. Depending on your mom's level of understanding, you can tailor the explanation, maybe even something as simple as "You had a temporary bout of confusion from the drug combination that gave you something like a bad dream that is not true. These people love you and would never behave that way."

When my mom took her last fall, that led to her last days, she was found having been on her kitchen floor overnight, near hypothermia. She was hallucinating that 'workmen' were in her house, possibly the EMTs that found her; the idea stuck with her for a long time but she eventually reframed it as a 'bad dream', not real. I didn't argue with her, but let her come to her better understanding.

I know from personal experience that the drugs you're given in such cases totally mess with your mind ( freaked my adult daughters out big time). And they take a while to leave your system. My memory was also affected for some months, but, fortunately no longer. I think it is negligent of doctors not to let families know that this is a transient effect, but upsetting while it lasts!

To All,
Would it help if DIL and grand-daughter ignored delusion but sent loving notes to help the brain get past the delusion?

you might be able to tell her that it wasn't true but it takes longer for alot of meds/anesthesia to wear out of older people. so she might not still believe you. Tell her that you will talk to the daughter-in-law and granddaughter about the situation and make them promise it won't happen again. (in the meantime, discuss the situation with the DIL and granddaughter and let them know what is happening and that they might want to "apologize" even if it didn't happen). this way it will make your mother feel better emotionally. *and does it matter at this point IF it was real or not, because she felt it was real even if caused by meds*. wishing you luck.

It’s called a Therapeutic Fib - why would anyone break their loved one’s heart over and over again? When each time their loved one hears it, it is news to them for the very first time. Better to save them the heartache and grief. Kindness all around.

Please have the behavioral health specialists at the hospital talk to her about illusions (sounds better than delusions) from anesthesia and other medical phenomena. She will take it better if explained by medical personel. The more the family brings it up the more defensive she will get and that reinforces it.

If she has dementia is it possible she will forget?

Of course! Mom had a similar reaction and told a dr she didn’t like his face! Then told a nurse she needed an attitude adjustment! We were howling, this was SO unlike my quiet, undemanding mother. A few weeks later after she had recovered I told her about it and we had a good laugh. She didn’t remember any of it but since she was a horse she knew what had happened.

Talking to your mom probably help much at this point. You may, however, want to clue in SIL and niece. Let them know mom's delusion caused by delirium, so they won't be surprised by anything she may say to them.

Hope the delirium resolves itself.

NewandTrying: Imho, at this juncture, it may not do any good to speak to your mother about this 'hallucinogenic thought process' since she is in the hospital. My own late mother had many auditory and visual hallucinogenic disturbances when she was given strong pain medication.

I wouldn't add any more fuel to the fire.
Leave it alone.
It is important that all family members (and friends) understand that dementia (if you mom has dementia) changes the brain chemistry - it isn't 'the old' her talking. If they understand this, they will accept that she doesn't understand what she is saying.
Wait and see how she does with the medication.
I personally wouldn't bring up anything that could create a 'I'm right and you're wrong" scenario. It only causes emotional upsets and doesn't resolve anything.
Still, everyone needs to find their own way to manage these communications and the brain changes. There isn't any one right answer.
Try 're-directing' or 'refocusing' your mom when she gets into these delusional thinking. Telling her it isn't true will frustrate her / make her mad / upset and defensive. There is no point to correct her. At least, this is how I would handle it - and how I interact with my clients, depending on the severity of dementia or / and considering other health conditions and medication.

If you were hallucinating - and believing it is REAL, which is what a hallucination is (I think), would you want someone to tell you that what you 'know' to be true isn't? Why would you believe them? It reminds me of forgetting - me and others. It is hard or impossible to tell someone they don't remember if they don't remember.

* Try holding her hand, reflective listening ("I hear you are saying . . . ") She will want to be heard, not necessarily believed. Then, change the subject ASAP.
We'll with you - we know how it is.

Gena / Touch Matters

I agree with wait and see if Mom lets it go, but give family a heads up about the delusion, and call in psych consult for Mom asap.

Another thing I would do is find out what those meds were AND dosages. Add them to Mom's list of allergies under NEURO EFFECTS: hallucinations and possibly permanent delusions.

My Mom is allergic/reacts to "EVERYTHING" per HER list. Some are serious and some are questionable. (It's pages long.) Ultimately, the drs became afraid to give her meds and things got dicey. I finally organized her list in alpha order, duplicating the generics and brands. I added a column for drug type too. In the Effects column, the first word for each row is a consistent abbreviation of the system or function affected (sometimes multiple) - like NEURO, GASTRO, CARDIO, MUSCULAR, (for physical), etc., then I added detail - like nausea, hallucinations, fatigue, heart palpitations, extreme anxiety, temp paralysis, hives (where on body), etc.
And I have columns for dosage, method given (oral, intravenous, injection, however), and frequency (QD, BID, TID, QID, PRN). Mom is obsessive, to her credit, she had DATES of her reactions. That became very useful added to the detail. Example, no dr would give her any scan with contrast because she listed iodine as a hyper sensitive reaction. Well, Mom had 1950 on that. When querying her about it, I discovered that in the 1950s, one DRANK the iodine. Today's drs shutter at that and said no wonder it made her sick. So, with the proper prep to curb any reaction, I had them do what they do today (intravenous and slow) with the contrast, and, voila, no reaction!

The drs and nurses love my list. It's in their speak, and they are quickly able to ascertain options.

Just by organizing Mom's allergy/reaction list, for myself, I was able to see patterns and trends that effected her health. Drs, the pharmacist and I have worked together with this info and found out it was the dosage (too much to quickly) or the method that causes the reactions. We've had a bit of success now treating infections, pain, and getting good labs.

It's just good info to start keeping.

Hope your Mom recovers quickly and regains her capacity. Please insist on therapy 5x week for at least the first 2 to 4 weeks. It's key to her regaining maximum function. If you have to appeal the insurance to get it, use that language (to regain maximum function) along with "the lack of frequent 5x week PT and OT will be detrimental to her overall health and quality of life"

You can try but she might not believe you because delusions seem so real to them. My husband insists that he has an ex wife and he is not married to me. He thinks he abandoned his family for me and the more I try to tell the truth, he thinks I’m lying to him. It’s very difficult

I believe this. My MIL stayed with us off and on while moving/having work done in her condo. We always had a good relationship and never fought for 20+ years. She had a dream one night at our home that I yelled at her for taking too long in the bathroom, pounded on the door and said my son needed to get in there. Not true at all! My son was up and out of the house at 6am for school….long gone by the time she woke up everyday around 8:30-9:00am. The problem was, she had 4 daughters living out of state - she told them the fabrication (which is how I heard of it), and they all wondered if it was really true. Never would I treat her that way; I loved her and it hurt me that she really believed it happened. She never let go of it…but over time other hallucinations (about lots of wierd things) started to surface and we all realized it was dementia. Hang in there. IMHO it won’t do any good to bring it up (unless you read this to her and she really can comprehend).

Definitely talk to her about it, but not just yet. Give her a few weeks to recover herself. If she persists in the delusion of her DIL and granddaughter forcing her to take a bath, tell her that she was confused my the medications in the hospital and that this never happened.