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My mom lives next door. I work full time, my brother lives with my mom rent free. He occasionally cooks for her, the house is a mess. My stepdad was recently put in a home. We cared for him for many years, his kids could care less. He also went through most of my mom's money. Now we don’t have money to put her in a home. She’s very depressed, I don’t know what to do.

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Barb ?’s to you as how stepdads stay in a facility is being paid for is super important.

Please please realize that as they are married all their finances & all their assets - whether held jointly or separately- will be viewed as available to pay for his care in a facility. If he applies for Medicaid, all of his monthly income is considered by Medicaid to be available to be used for his required copay or SOC (share of cost) to the NH AND the SOC is paid directly to the NH. If his stay is private pay and he defaults on paying, the facility will come after your mom and her income / assets to settle his bill.

If Medicaid is part of all this, and should your mom - as she would be considered a “Community Spouse” - need some of stepdads monthly income, she can file to get a waiver for some of his monthly income $. It may or may not be automatically done by your states Medicaid program. Your mom could be left with just her own personal SS Ck as her only source of income each mo. Community spouse situations are much much more complicated than for a widow or widower Medicaid application. And if stepdad has spent $ in a way that is an issue for Medicaid, this will be a crisis situation in the making.
Really find an elder law atty for your mom & asap to see what can possibly be options at this point in time.
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When was the last time mom saw her doctor? She needs a full evaluation and be honest with the doctor about what is going on. He may recommend that she see a geriatric psychiatrist to evaluate her for meds.

Have you applied for Medicaid for her? How is stepdad's NH bill being paid?

You can also call your local Area Agency on Aging for a "needs assessment" to determine what her needs are.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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